Is it possible
     to keep
both your promises
and your      s            n             t               ?
                            a             i             y

I could write novels on the way you make me feel,
filling infinite pages with your essence would be a simple task.
I'd struggle only with the way to word perfection and the way your eyes gleam
as well as describing the ways your smile makes me weak.
You are so **** far away and I miss the sound of your voice
with the frequency of the tides hitting the shore.
But despite the tilt of the earth, time zones, interstates, and state borders
that keep me away from my home, I still feel close to you.
I could reach my arm across the bed and almost feel like you are here.
I wake up in the middle of the night,
expecting the body I have never even slept with to be here protecting me.
I know you are, just not physically.
You cannot be in my region of time and space
and I cannot be in yours.
None of these boundaries can keep me from you,
we both refuse to let them.
But every single moment I do something new or see something beautiful
or blink
or breathe
I miss you.
My fingers curl against my palm and my hands ache,
I reach out for you.
I wake up once more and experience the biggest disappointment I could imagine.
You still cannot be here and I still cannot be there.
So for now, I'll hold you in my heart that keeps my blood circulating
and where you have purchased your retirement home.
I will let you reside in my heart and soul because you cared enough to tear
down the wall, brick by brick.
When we come together,
I will not waste another moment.
I will hold you tight and tell you I love you.
Even after I have found out the definition to your perfection,
I will sty and I will love you for a lifetime.
I know you will keep redefining it as you have redefined my life, soul, and heart.
I'll hold you soon enough.
But for now, know I love you
and that I will not return the keys to the space I occupy in your heart.

Because I never got to say goodbye
This letter is all the reasons and feelings I kept inside.
I took for granted our youth and the promise of tomorrow.
Now every day I am drowning in this sorrow.
I thought you would always be there, always care, always listen, always be my shoulder to lean on.
I never imagined in the blink of an eye you would be gone.
This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write,
I just hope you know my heart even though you are no longer in my sight.
Every moment that became a memory is so very precious to me.
Even though our time together on this earth was short, I will cherish every laugh, every smile
every sweet word you gave to me.
The time we spent in Virginia was like heaven to me.
Walking hand in hand.
Laughing, talking, sharing, embracing, kissing
The rest of the world ceased to exist.
Or the walk through the park as you put your arms around me to keep me warm.
Or Sunday afternoon having coffee and conversing for hours.
You gave me hope and another way to view this cruel world.
You gave me strength to finally stand up for myself,
even though I never told you .
You brought out the best in me.
My world is so much darker without your light.
You had the kindest heart.
I will miss you always and I pray that I can hold the memories of you
like a movie in my mind to play over and over until we meet again.
Know that you took a piece of my heart with you.
I love you Jonathan. And I will hold that love in my heart until my days on this earth have ended.

We only just met
But I felt a tugging of my heart, forever in search of a friend
It was brief
Yet an unforgettable warmth still lingers after our passing
In my striving to remain honesty to myself, I always thought myself alone
Despite the eyes that casually yet constantly peer
They watch
Unknowing the truth of the damage inflicted
Yes, I am newly awakened
But the reality claws it's way with such strength
Exploding from my new found uncontainable mind
And continues its attacks on my body
My fragile and peaceful body

I am tired
It seems that the timelessness of this world I so recently discovered
Is nothing short of eternity
This battle I wish no part in has taken a toll so great
As if a lifetime
I am searching
Evreryday and night I search for comfort of a friend
I have found but a few
And their comfort teases me, as they so naturally delve in and out of light and shadow
As I lay my trusting head down on their shoulder offered
Temptation brushes it away
The tide pulling its victim back out to the treacherous sea

I am tired
No
I was exhausted
As a cool breeze washes the scorching dessert, so did you
Just a few words exchanged
A few minutes shared
And yet I have known you a lifetime
A sister, a friend, a long lost kindred spirit finally found
You understand this world
Full of hands untouchable
Graffitied with words unhearable
Parading love unattainable
So you offered no hand to hold, nor shoulder to lean on
As I have grown to understand the impersistance of form
I would never be permitted to maintain my grip
Instead you gave a piece of your tranquility
Finally
I can rest.

My name... is irrelevant.
My story... is long and complicated.
My life... is a pain.
Myself... I could use some help.
My friends... don't really trust me.
My parents... don't really care.
My school... it's full of drama.
My home... needs improvement.
My family... is falling apart.

My being... is full of strife.
But I pull through most every time
Yet I still have problems.
Everyone does.
But I feel like mine are significant
At times.
Other times, I feel like my life isn't important.
Why should it be?
How am I supposed to affect the world?
My life... is insignificant.
   I have a dream
   But nobody cares anymore

I want you.
I want to sit with you, in an apartment that's ours.
I want to buy furniture with you.

I want to eat Indian food with you,
and watch stupid sitcoms that are on tv with you.

I want to adopt a cat with you.
I want to read books while holding hands with you.

I want to cuddle with you for hours when it's raining outside.
Hell, I want to get caught in that rain with you.

I want to dance to my Frank Sinatra record collection.
I want it to be our collection.

I want to drive, really really far with you.
Like, really far.
I want to spend that much time in a confined space with you.

I want to run to Waffle House with you at three in the morning when we're high.
So, I want to get high with you.

I want to come home, to our home, and just be with you.
I want to sit down and file tax returns with you.

But, more than anything,
I want you to be happy.

So, if that means
you want nothing to do with me, then
I want you to forget me.

If you don't want to see me again,
I want to disappear.

If you want to run away from me, like I'm a problem,
I want to run in the opposite direction.

But, if one day,
you want me in return,
I'll be there.
You're all I've ever wanted,
and all I ever will want.