An insomniac at heart, are you
Trying to sleep even while you
Are awake? Walking in the day,
Night terrors plaguing your face,
There was nothing I could do
To wake you up from your
Percieved reality.

Change is beautiful.
It hurts in the most romantic ways.
Feeling your loose wounds peel off
as your body starts to reinvent
itself.
Nourishing the bones
Elevating the heart.

Deep down in the submarine depths of an abyss
Lies the burrows of your deepest desires.
Wanting togetherness but in the context of Siamese twins.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Those mummified remains still haunt you in your sleep—
Obsessing over putrefied bottom fat
and Nile rivers pouring in and out.
You fornicated with women—
Felt like you bombed the village or did it just feel bomb?
Breaking sweats as if you’re a labored worker…
Save it.
Eventually you gotta meet your maker and confess.
Idealizations and fantasies can only operate off inner truth and cravings.
Only the strong willed can survive.
Everything you preach is a myth—
“ever heard of the Loc-ness monster? Boogeyman?”
Yea like those myths…
You’re a cracked out delusion of what you want to be,
Look within and speak the real you.

I overgave, my cup was so full I let it overflow and spill into a tsunami of tears and blood.
I washed every crevice of my body to make myself pure.
I tore myself apart at times to fit into the piece.
Can you say I lost myself?
Fell into this spiral of false identity. I spun myself ragged till I couldn’t breathe—
till my heart exploded.
I realize my own superpower, that everything I touch grows, but also changes.
I’m free yet I feel the metaphorical shackles weighing my thoughts down,
evil thoughts try to make a way in my body, telling me what I’ll miss in the absence.
I try to steer myself away from that.
You’re so far gone I don’t even recognize you, you’re not the person I fell in love with.
I see a mirror but I also see a door,
a door to another life.
To try again, but better and with the new added tools.
I have re-wired my brain back to my own truth. Forget what they’ve said, take only the good parts and scram with the negative.
Don’t feel used, feel accomplished.
Work here is done. I’m preparing myself for my future life.
Let it go, babe.
You have to release the grip, let it go…
there’s something waiting for you,
they’re waiting for you to heal,
to keep going, they’ll be there,
just focus on you.

I’m made out of *****.
That’s all I’m good for.
As I age
I see the meticulous
effectiveness
influence
capability &
endowment it has on mankind.
The curse
affliction &
diabolical use man wants it for.
She flaunts it like a Olympic champ
he yearns it like a corner fiend.
I’m nothing but *****.
Scared like one.
Beaten like one.
”It’s so wet”
like the tears sitting on my cheeks
”It’s so warm”
like my inferno heart.
***** desperate for attention
but only made for mankind assumption.

Think-piece from your chapter book,
“I’ve set the tone”
lil do you know.
Trying to tell you—but it backfires.
Backfires on my back.
Burning me.
I felt I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t live.
Couldn’t bear without.
Made me feel I’ll crash out without.
You think you the only one?
Walking through the desert plain
Seeing the ruins of my watered gardens and fruits of labor.
Castrated the confidence from its supporter.
What I thought I knew was a figment of
false optimism and skewed reality morphed
into a delusional fantasy—mimicking as a nightmare.
That scared feeling origins from a scared little girl.
Wanting to fix the continual problems.
Turning cold and slowly shedding
Help…

I won’t beg nor rebuke,
Just a thought that runs
through my inner core.
When I think of the old—
the meaning of love
in my mind gets admonished.
Makes me repent,
Refuse,
Run away on my own.
No guidance.
I’ll be in my rowboat
on my way to what the world holds.
A sea of abundance and versatility.
You’ll always be my love jones,
My root and soot,
The muse.
But I refuse to keep you around
With the inconsistencies,
Scarce conversations,
Wounded egos.
I’m no longer the caged bird
I now sing my own tune.
Soaring like a rapper’s flow.
I’d rather be connected with my mind
than confused on the nostalgia.

I’m my own star.
Choose you
As I choose me.
Thank you for letting me know this.
I needed this
I believe.

The desire for intimacy comes first
The love is what keeps us sticking around.
It isn’t easy ‘cuz it’s a decision u gotta keep making so long as you’re committed.
Definition of love in any sense means
Stillness and choice.
I love u
So I let u come as you are
And I meet you with as much space as possible
For you to feel your feelings
Share your triumphs
Commiserate your failures.
All of it is a choice I agree to keep making.
Every time I make that choice
The love gets stronger.
And so does our level of intimacy.
It’s not always easy
I don’t always do the best job
But I’m committed to choosing it
Each time.

You wanted space
I gave you infinity.
I care
But you need space and peace.
I don’t want the
Weeds to tumble
And roll into chaos.
Quietness.
It aches you to call,
My quarrels and clashes
Disturb the waves you ride
To keep afloat.
My mind runs
Recorded thoughts and images
Of you,
But I mustn’t disturb you.
You need space
I give you breadth.
Quietness.
You exhaust
Your mind with lucid
Thoughts and weight
Created from my madness.
I’ll cease,
I’ll take my squabble elsewhere.
Anything for you
To have peace.
I’m sick and aching
From my own selfishness.
I wait by the phone
Knowing you need
Space.

Yes it was a beautiful Saturday morning
when I saw you amongst the field of daffodils
as the sun grazed your chestnut skin.
You looked at me with those amiable eyes
big enough to pull my melodic harp strings.
"You can't stay here"
"...not just yet," I said.
The grass wooshed against my thighs and hips
like a tiger, you stared me down.
"Do you know why you're here?"
"What are you addicted to here?"
The daffodils separated us
but I felt your immense soul
pulling me close.
"You wanna know what I'm addicted to?" he asked.
"Yes"
The grass tickles.
"You..."
Frazzled, I just had to ask
"I was expecting you'd say the daffodils."


"That is something I voluntarily can stop."

She moved
And I feel sorry for you
Because she overlooked your flaws
Your temper
Your selfishness
Your inability to love anyone but yourself.
She could have anyone in the world
But she still chose you
Everytime.
All you are now
Is a crease in her wrinkled past
A scar on her chest
A memory that fades
Faster than a photograph of you
Under her mattress.
Maybe now
She will find someone
Who loves her
Instead of someone
Who ***** the life out of her.
Never satisfied
Even with her beating heart
In his greedy hands.

I never took the time to sit and think about an M&M.

A chocolate that separates itself from the rest of the crew with its signature M.

Your empty palms await the decadent little multi-colored buttons,

Like they've always said, "melts in your mouth, not in your hands..."

When you take a bite into the cherub chocolate, its sugar-coated shell cracks like the frozen arctic water.

Exposing a sweet surprise.

Children jump for joy when they see the candy,

adults jump for joy too as their childhood is relived in every M&M.

Pop em' in your mouth during lunch-break,

share a few with your homegirl,

grab a handful at a Halloween party.

There's always a little surprise in every bite.

Sometimes it's a dab of peanut butter

or a crunch of peanuts.

Maybe a salty bit of pretzel,

or ooey-gooey caramel.

Whatever it is, they're good for the soul,

Your teeth won't be happy with you, though...

There’s a trace of unhappiness lying beneath the burrows of my soul, yet I keep it hidden with a smile and my wit.
My heart carries a heavy anonymous pain that lurks within myself, but I cannot figure out for the life of me where it’s coming from.
I feel tears creeping up on me as if I’m ready to implode.
If it’s too quiet I’ll start to lose it all.
I have to learn that if all fails, it’s just temporary.
When you see me, you’ll only see a smile.

It tickles my skin,
Queasy in the stomach,
Heart gets this anguish soreness feel,
Eyes water,
Brain runs into error.

Grab my hand tight as we travel the galaxy
Zoned and in-tuned,
But the feeling feels right,
Especially when you’re close.
I met you at this party, and I was irresistibly consumed.  
I want to show you the world you’ve been missing all this time.
I’ll be your tour guide,
Lead you to the depth of what goes on inside 5am on a dark summer night.
It’s a different feeling.
If our worlds collided I wouldn't dare close my eyes,

He asked me,
"Has anyone made love to you before"
And from there on,
Internal sensation.
The way he touched me,
Looked at me,
He revived what died inside me long ago.
He was so toxic for me,
But I wanted more.
Behind closed doors,
I was introduced to a new world of intimacy.
That sweet taboo.
We'd risk a lot for our little secret.
Till we meet again.

I can feel the heat on my back,
warm.
You squeeze me as if the world is going to collapse around us.
I feel the love in your soul,
it's beating as I hold my head close to your chest.
You rub my legs as the soap from the tub spill over.
My hand,
caressing your cheek.
Sometimes I call you just to hear your voice.
Your smile reminds me of the love stories we used to share.
I can feel the affection you have for me through your eyes,
I know it's hard.
"I'm coming back..."
Because when I'm alone I want you to keep me warm.
I want to wake up with you,
touching me,
loving me.
You're so far away...

I don't know why it's so hard to
Get you out of my brain
Maybe because I liked you?
Maybe because you had an quick affect on me?
Your personality and charisma swooped me under and I was totally convinced you had me.
I was living in a dream.
I was miles ahead of you.
I was the one moving too quick.
It bothers me how I connected with someone and they vanished.
You're here,
But "you" are not there.
The person I liked.
I guess I was trying to make you into something I wanted for so long.
I was trying to capture your heart and make us something.
Something I created in my head.
But you aren't that person.
You were just interested.
I don't know what happened.
Attachment issues.

For I...
For I can't tell whether I'm high or not.
So I walk on the moon to match how I'm feeling.

You pushed me away like I was drug you had to wean yourself off of

He can start over with someone else,
but it won’t be the same because she will buy him food expecting him to eat it,
not knowing that he doesn’t like being spoiled.
She won’t appreciate the way he jumps in his sleep,
she will just think it’s odd.
She won’t think his cleft chin is adorable.
She won’t know he hates it himself.
She’ll feel many tiny scars on his back and think “Oh my god that’s gross,”
but I think it’s perfectly human.
She’ll notice that he wears the same Krispy Kream gray sweater over and over and probably pick on him for it,
but I loved it.
I love the background history on it.
I don’t want her to hear his god awful bad singing imitation,
or get to experience his white people music playlist and hear him jam to it.
I don’t want her seeing him when he wakes up when he’s all bright eyed and bushy tailed.
She won’t know where the scars on his knees and legs came from or why he hates Gyros.
I don’t want her to notice the way he stares at you when you don’t even know he’s doing it.
I don’t want her eating food naked with him in the dark after a long session of love making.
She won’t know why he loves James Bond and Indiana Jones movies so much.
She’ll probably go insane not understanding that he has bad trust issues and that you should take time with him and be patient,
he’ll trust eventually.
I don’t want her knowing his deepest darkest secrets or why he doesn’t wear bowties anymore. Why he’s obsessed with Illuminati or why he can’t grow a lot of ****** hair.
If you don’t love his widows peak or his long eyelashes,
let him go.
I know he messed up and didn’t know how to treat me sometimes,
but I can’t see him move on and let someone read him the way I did.
I can’t let anyone know him the way I do.