It was Halloween.
Crisp, cool, autumn afternoon.
We spent that day giving out candy to the little ones trick or treating.
There was nothing out of the ordinary besides the spooks and ghouls all around the neighborhood.
But that day took a horrible turn in a split second.
A fight had busted out down the block,
it had something to do with my loved ones.
In fear, we ran.
With no shoes on my feet,
I ran.
Knowing I have mild asthma,
I ran.
You and I were able to diffuse the fight just in time.
Everyone,
out of breath and flustered,
made it back to the porch in whole.
For some reason,
you were mad at me.
Everything I did and said boiled your blood to the point of no return.
Even when everyone was off the porch,
you were still upset.
Was it something you misunderstood?
Was it my complaints and fears?
I don't know.
Halloween spirit was ruined and the only sound in the air was the cold wind.
With your consent,
I walked into my home with no return.
"*******" is what you said to me.
**** me for leaving you out on your own,
**** me for not saying goodbye,
**** me for ruining your afternoon.
**** me, right?

Each other's houses wasn't a thing yet,
and neither one of us had a car.
Our neighbor hood was small so where else would you go?
The park.
It was the beginning of everything.
That is where we first went,
together,
to know one another.
It's where we got continuous bruises from play fights.
Where we got into heated arguments and wasted all day ignoring each other,
cuddled all day we couldn't stay away from each other.
It's where we had fruit picnics and water fights,
deep conversations about our lives and futures.
It's where we first experienced a real kiss,
witnessed our favorite, "dread head elderly couple."
It's where the wind blew and froze us in the fall,
where the sun blazed and cooked us in the summer.
We found toys and did angsty teen challenges,
got bit up by mosquitos.
We had our favorite spots,
almost as if this was our house.
I experienced small womanhood there,
We found baby birds and titled ourselves a family.
We stayed till dusk,
night.
We swore we saw a giraffe in a lady's window every time we stopped by.
I watched you grow as you watched me grow.
That park was where you finally asked me to be yours.
History began itself.

That willow tree,
that willow tree we found behind the park and between the houses.
A alley walk down where the dog would bark its head off and
where that family would barbeque with their soulful music.
That willow tree became our treehouse.
The noon sun peeked between the lengthy vines and kissed our faces.
It kept us cool when the sun was just too hot to handle.
From fruit picnics and polaroid pictures,
to a dead squirrel in the road and naked vines with tore off leaves,
It was a place we hugged.
A place we kissed,
grew,
learned,
laughed,
thought.
It was a place where people can walk by,
smile, and see how happy we were.
It was our willow tree.

In the car,
on my way back home,
a song sung to me as it traveled through my headphones to my ears.
"I've been thinkin' bout you
for quite a while,
You're on my mind everyday and every night."
It tickled my heart and warmed my soul as it continued playing.
It made me think of you.
Every lyric,
every melody,
every tempo,
It sent me straight back to you.
I had to tell you how it made me feel,
I couldn't contain it any longer.
But it's like you read my mind.
You knew exactly what song I was talking about.
You've searched for it for years, but never got the chance to find it again.
And from there on,
it became our signature song.

I'm sorry if i annoyed you.
I'm sorry if i didn't know what stop meant.
It was my fault you were getting flustered at me.
It was my fault you flung my arm away and turned your back on me,
walking off into the distance.
i tried catching up,
but my heart pinched every time I witnessed your presence stray further and further away.
All I saw was a blurred figure.
My legs started to drag behind me as I tried to hold back my tears in embarrassment.
People were around vaguely noticing the situation.
Of course, my body couldn't take it any longer.
At a nearby school,
I sat on the grassy field feeling the warm tears racing down my cheeks as the sun slowly started to hide behind the trees.
There was no way to stop the agony.
You walked back home and the day hadn't even begun for us.

I would be roadkill if it wasn't for you.
The street lights in the neighborhood were never safe.
Red meant stop and green meant go,
but no matter how long you stood,
red would stare dead at you,
never changing.
When can I walk across?
When is it safe?
If I dip a toe onto the street would the car stop?
How do I know?
The streets were so jagged and confusing it was a lost to who turns right and who's turn was it to walk.
But you.
You grabbed my hand and showed me the ropes.
You lived there much longer than me so I should know.
It didn't matter if the green would never appear,
it didn't matter how many cars drove by in a millisecond.
"When it's safe, you walk."

You knew you crushed me.
The minute you came back from your family trip, everything took a ugly turn for the hurt.
I never would've imagined myself sitting on my bathroom floor crying my eyes out as my heart ached every mid-second.
My religious beliefs shouldn't have been a major issue,
But everything I believed in you tore against it.
It's never safe to let snakes hiss in your ear.
They tell you things that change your perspective on life.
Negative perspectives.
I didn't want to leave the bathroom but I knew I couldn't stay in there forever.
You apologized the next day for your actions,
but ever since then,  
I knew it wasn't safe grounds anymore.

This was new to me.
I never in my life experienced something this raw, human, beautiful.
Of course,
I was nervous,
but my heart was safe with him and I knew I didn't want to experience that with anyone else ever again but with him.  
The pain wasn't excruciating but sharp like a small razor blade cut to the finger.
You whispered in my ear telling me everything was going to be alright.
Just breath.
Slow and steady I began to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Everything fell into place as I started to feel what every other female felt.
Lust.
It was a brand new step to my beginnings of womanhood.
I'm glad I got to experience it with you.

I was there, in your bedroom.
Doing what I always do best.
Your mother was ready to pop anytime soon,
I just happened to be the lucky one to experience it.
I seen the growth of a new life happening inside her every time I stopped by.
But that day,
that day was it.
Her contractions were at a all time high like never before seen.
I felt obligated to help as much as possible,
This was the love of my life's mother.
I was the right hand he needed when she needed to walk out the door into the car.
He drove while I kept company.
I sat and watched the kids as he took her into the hospital.
The whole night back home I had realized that I had witness a pregnancy happening.
I was part of something no one else can be a part of in his next life.

It was so obscure for you to come back into my life.
I wasn't expecting it.
You asked me to meet you at our local McDonald's.
Right then and there,
I should've said no.
I should've turned my back and not pursued a 2 month interaction with you.
But I chose to open my soul back to you and deter my wall of avoidance I had for you.
My wishes and dreams to be yours once again was a false imagination to the naked eye.
You even told me it would never happen but I chose to be stubborn and naive.
The things you do when you're in love.
I could say this was all your fault, but I played a part in it too.

It was the day he left me.
I was crushed miserably.
Thought my life was over.
Everyday of my life I was crying, gasping for air to even function properly.
My chest was tight as my heart tried to break through my rib cage.
I was weak, trembling every time I grabbed onto something, legs not being able to hold me up.  
Continuous headaches and nightmares.
Continuous sleeping and insomnia.
The urge to do anything I pleased wasn't there.
Day by day by day I wasn't healing and I swore up and down we would be together...

I wake up to the honey buttered toast on a thin china plate.
Chamomile just at the right temperature.
Brown sugar sprinkled on my fresh strawberries.
If I want any caramel macchiato there’s still some left on the stove warm for me.
Peeled and sliced oranges with crisp bacon.
.
.
.

All that you promised to make me when we move in together and start a life together. Guess I'll never get that Sunday breakfast.

He's not coming back.
Leave it alone.
He's not going to call.
He's not going to text.
There will be no ringing of the doorbell,
No knocking of the door.
He's not coming tomorrow.
He's not coming next week.
He's not even going to come next month.
Years will go by you won't see him.
You're not going to hear his voice.
You're not going to see his face.
He's gone.
Just like that.
With a blink of an eye and and a twinkle of a star.
Flash of light.
Gone.
Seasons will pass but he won't pass your house.
He is now a fiction of your imagination.
He never existed.
He's a replayed cassette tape of a vivid once had.
A chapter you've folded a crease on to reread again.
He's nothing but a memory.
A ghostly wind that overcasts you.
Broken clock stuck on 12 o'clock
He's never going to show his face again.
He's out of existence.
Let it be.
It's over.

Barack Obama, first US President of African origin.
Langston Hughes, earliest innovators of then-new literary jazz
                                     poetry.
Angela Davis, African American political activist, and author
Coretta Scott King, author, activist, and civil rights leader
Katherine Johnson, African-American mathematician

Anita Baker, African American singer-songwriter
Muhammed Ali, African American professional boxer and activist
Erykah Badu, African American singer-songwriter activist
Rosa Parks, the mother of the freedom movement and civil rights
Ida B Wells, African-American journalist and feminist
Colin Powell, statesman and retired four-star general in US Army
Al Sharpton, civil rights activist and Baptist minister
N*elson Mandela, South African anti-apartheid revolutionary
                                   political leader

It was at that moment.
I knew.
I was in confusion.
Never would I think I would be sitting in the bedroom with a fan propped up against my face watching my ex playing PAC Man on the T.V...
Yes,
the room we shared every living breathing moment together.
Why was I there you might ask?
Well because I decided to be there.
Nothing of what you think,
just simply being there.
I prayed and vowed I'd never see him ever again,
I prayed and vowed we'd never cross roads.
But for some reason,
God had other plans.
Why? That I do not know.
I sometimes felt God brought him back in so that I can receive the proper closure I needed and then afterwards leave.
I also believed God knew we had a bond that wasn't going to be found in another person no matter how hard we tried.
“There's only one of one person.”
Doesn't mean we need to be together.
We won’t be together.
Ever.
Can it just mean we can't avoid each other?
Or can we?
We can.
And we did.
I could've said no to meeting up at that McDonald's,
I could've said no to hanging out day by day,
I could've said no to being friends,
I could’ve said no to the ***.
But I didn't.
My love for him made all the decisions.
Latia wasn’t.
In the beginning of it all,
I always said I'd rather us be friends than never seeing each other again because I couldn't bear him knowing all about me and all the funny inside joke memories just gone.
But he moved to Texas and we left on a sour note.
Maybe it was meant that way.
So, I keep this ***** little secret of mine only between my close friend and I because she's the only one that understood this whole situation from the beginning and wouldn't be mad at the fact I still associated my life with him.
Yea, it's my life and no one controls what I do or say or who I hang with,
but I just know...
deep down,
controversy would’ve spurred and everyone would look down on me as if I was a hypocrite or a girl who cried wolf.
Also,
if anything went haywire,
I didn’t want the whole world to know and I hear the backlash of it all.
So no-one but her knows about this.
Being in that room,
being in his presence,
I had to take things as a grain of salt.
Simply because none of it was serious or as deep as I would like it, it was just a casual “friendly bond”.
So I thought.
They always said,
"It's a myth being friends with an ex."
They were right.
It's hard being friends with someone you're in love with,
but it's easy being friends with someone you've only dated for a week or month.
So I sat there,
watching him play PAC man, wondering why the hell I was there and what the purpose in all that was.

My lips pressed together so my thoughts won't escape.

After we stared at each other...

After our hands touched each other and our lips met...

After we kissed and whispered...

After the sun went down and everyone went to sleep
and the sounds of music stopped and the train cried it's plea in the air...

After the weeds been smoked and your hands touched my thigh...

After my lip gloss was wiped away and our faces coated with blush...

We looked at each other and promised to never say anything.

Love just got in the way that night.
Wasn't supposed to happen like that.
I was hurt.
You were hurt.
I looked at the lit night,
Running my fingers across your skin,
Wondering why in the hell am I doing this.
Why did we do this...
How can something so sinfully wrong,
Feels so ******* good.
Twice that night.
I didn't care what my morals were for that hour and 32mins.
That night I left I pondered on my actions.
What we did was morally wrong,
But love just got in the way.
Let us vow to only us knowing what went down,
But not let it be spoken upon.

Cocoa coffee.
Brunet,
Dusky.
 
My skin devours the sun.
I glow.
 
My skin was once a barricade,
I couldn't do much with it.
 
My skin was lynched, blistered, hosed.
 
Annihilated.
 
My skin disassociated who I wanted to be friends with,
Taboo places I wanted to fall in with.
 
Banished where to sit,
walk,
ride,
play.
Illegalized my freedom of speech.
 
My skin grew and grew and grew.
 
Broaden all over,
Creating role models that stand before me now.
 
Underneath all tarnished wounds,
I glow.
 
Chocolate chestnut.
Auburn,
Melanin.
 
My skin is sweet like Apple pie,
Ripe and enriched with knowledge.
 
My skin is coated with a honey glazed shield of righteous pride.
Embedded with the most exquisite fine wisdom.
 
I’m fine wine.
 
 
They say black is deliberately harmful
Boding ill
Soiled-stained with dirt
Grotesque
Illegal.
 
But what they don't know is that
Black goes with everything.

I sometimes think of what could’ve been or what needs to be.
I fight with what battle scars and a chipped tooth,
Nose bleed and churned stomach.
I overthink the unthinkable thoughts that think they’re slick but thought wrong.
We sometimes ******* false words or ideas that never play through.
My porcelain fingertips bursts as I try to touch within you.
Cold as a throat,
Hot as my heart.
Annoyed with the constant bleeding and choking.
You give me hot buttered love,
Melting me like m&ms in a fat girl’s pocket.
My heart’s been played more than an Al Green record at a fish fry.

A person with intentions to love forever only deflowers.
I was wrong, I remember
Those nights, it was nothing but plum kisses from left to right
And your nose tickling my stomach.
Zestful.

All the blood would flow to my head.
Making me pink with ecstasy.
The nectarous smell of excretion fulfilled an image
And our fingers--- they would intertwine as if you felt I would slip away.
Sensational… amorous!

You would look me in the eyes, I would
look you in the eyes, a message would travel
this is more than just coition. Well in my
noggin I believed that. You wear a good look, callous.
I’ve been dumbfounded.

I look in the mirror. I am a stranger
To what I see. I now feel stripped
From my myself, your pupils have seen it all. You did this.
I feel disgusted, letting you dine
As if I was a restaurant. Twiddling and fumbling
As if you were blind and I was braille.

I now bathe in regret. Scrubbing
Till I can no longer feel your touch.

You knew when I was happy.
You knew when I was angry.
You knew what I liked from the gas station.
You knew what annoyed me the most.
You knew my pet peeves.
You knew what words made me blush.
You knew my past.
You knew what I liked from McDonald's.
You knew what got me sad.
You knew what made me stubborn.
You knew my laugh.
You knew my smile.
You knew the quirks I did everyday.
You knew what was my favorite color.
You knew how tall I was.
You knew how I looked from the inside.
You knew what I loved about you.
You knew what I loved to eat.
You knew what to get me on my menstrual cycle.
You knew how to hug me.
You knew how to kiss me.
You knew how I liked to be touched.
You knew what made me cry.
You knew what movies I repeated.
You knew what cereal I enjoyed.
You knew how forgetful I was.
You knew how I clumsy I was.
You knew how to respect me.
You knew what clothes I styled in.
You knew my family.
You knew my anxiety.
You knew my body shape.
You knew what I was allergic to.
You knew you hurt me.

You knew too late.

Open up a can of humans into bowl.
Add dashes of corruption and manipulation.
With a cup of the government, pour it slowly and discrete.
Dont forget to add money, taxes, high politics.
With a bag of bullets,
Drop about 20 deaths per minute.
You will need 2 tablespoons of police brutality, child abuse, ****.
3 cups of pollution and overcrowd toxic factories.
With spatula,
Flip over green gardens and wildlife.
Flatten it with concrete and buildings.
Chop up living creatures and get rid of any access fresh produce.
Add this to the chain of fast foods and overly priced merchandize.
While stirring, don't forget to add rigged votes.
Once mixed, bake in tanning bed till fake golden brown.
Make sure it isn't black.
Let it rise, but not plus size.
Take it out and stagger around it putting it on social media,
Retweeting, tagging, sharing, liking.
Let it cool then glaze it with conspiracy theories then you're done.
Enjoy America.

It was the summer I kissed you.
The summer you said hello.

It was the summer you held me tight,
Wrapped like lit stars around the moon.

Remember the orange soda drinks?
That scabbed knee from the bike ride to orange county?

It was the summer we held hands,

The time we bathed in the sun.

It was then I knew I loved you dearly.

We caught grasshoppers every evening.
It was the summer you taught me how to play ball.

It was the summer that brought tears to my eyes.

Didn't think I'd see you on TV.

It was that summer...

I kissed you from your burial stone.

She left.
Left with silk robes and leather luggages.
I was left.
Left with soiled pennies and a running box fan propped on the window seal.
I see the rooms, side by side.
Coral blue and pastel pink.
I dread to walk by.
Therefore I drown in bitter pungent misery.
Nothing but day old tuna and concentrated orange juice in the fridge.
She complained.
I drowned.
I anguish over how I misused my love.
Its too late.
Can't take back the knuckle shaped bruises,
The dried tears.
I admit,
We were young in that pickup truck of 1972.
Sorry for dragging you in my bitter pungent misery.
Watching all of it leave the door has me drown.
Its my birthday.
I sit alone gorging and filling in cake to escape the taste of,
Beer.

You're my honey BBQ glazed love,
Taste like syrup.
My pineapple cranberry kiss,
My sweet orange teriyaki chicken nugget.
You're a caramel lookin one.
Suga gumdrop sexiness,
My cherry apple sweetie pie.
You're my bubblegum candy pop.
A lemon dripped goodness.
My hot cocoa cinnamon spice,
And Lip lickin brown strawberry sugar.
You're a coconut drizzle,
A melted sunny candy corn.

I have taken dozens and dozens of souls before.
Drunks, sinners, convicts, killers, ******.
As soon as they pass on, in your arms they fall.
And to your mistress you carry them every time I call.
Your sensei.

My thigh high boots withstanding my weaponry
I am Kanye’s Devil in a new dress,
Personified.
I’m pure lust,
Unholy desire.
The underground *******.

I see the evil in your eyes.

But hey, I miss the bleachfumes.

I’ve been up all morning just writing and ****.
“ONLY DEATH IS PROMISED”
“CHEAP ***=CHEAP PISTOLS”
“ALL I NEED IS CIGARETTES, ****, AND COFFEE”

Scamming is truly a habit.
Its pleasure after pain.

****, you’re the ****.
I’ll rip my heart out and just hand you the ****…
Like I said, it’s pleasure after pain.

You are not worthy enough to see the face of your tormentor,
You don’t want war with me, *****.
We’re all mad here,
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

Stay ***** and individualistic as ****.

Name falls from the ancient Greeks.
The Sound of Thunder,
Is what they preach.
I like to think of you as a classical human being.
Your mother and father welcomed you here on earth February the 4th 1998,
A water bearer,
Ruler of Uranus and Saturn.
You’re unique,
Built in Texas and fell right in the Chi.

You know what people like about you?
The communication you bring.
You communicate with your eyes,
Ears,
And mouth.
You know what else?
Your humor.
All the unsynchronized clocks in a watchmaker’s shop stops.
Your smile.
It relinquishes the fear in people.
Makes us feel safe.

You idolize the melodies of Mr. Kendrick and Cole,
You’re picky in your own nature.
Can’t have chocolate Oreos without milk,
Doesn’t dare touch greens.
You’re the element of air,
A handsome Phrygian youth.
Nobody is as witty as you,
Clever and rebellious.
Like spicy chili Doritos your mind is as far as the eyes can see.
You’re beyond on what you know,
Ahead of the game.
Filled with paradoxes.
You’re interested in the opposite ends of the spectrum.

If you were to leave town the next morning
Save me your lucky Krispy Kream sweater.
It smells like…you.
I want to hold your hand as you voyage all over the world.
You’ve been to Egypt before,
Go again… with me this time.

To my panda,
You will go out of your way to help another.
Live with no strings attached.
Like Po,
Very unconventional and always full of excitement.


You truly do have you and your beautiful soul.

Hi, my name is female.
I might not fold my hands the way she does
Or flip my hair the way that girl does.

Hi, my name is female.
The width and length I am shouldnt define if I'm qualified for Vogue.
The way I lick my lips may not be as attractive as the next female,
How my eyelashes flutter may not appeal to you.

Hi, my name is female and I like mashed potatoes and Thai coconut.
They say “eat less, its prettier. Where this, it shows more.”
Why?
I shouldn't have to balance myself on misleading scales that does nothing but swallow my pride up.

Hi my name is female.
Because one chicken breast is smaller than the other….it's not the same?
Because another person's peach is plumper than mine….its better?  
They're still the same and we should treat them the same.

Words get thrown at us everyday and its expected of us to pick them up and change the way we are.
No.

Hi, my name is female and I shouldn't be talking this way just for a guy.
I shouldn't be crying for this guy,
I shouldn't be kissing up to this guy,
I shouldn't be changing for a guy,
I wasn't made for a guy.

Because I can't reach my toes like the next female, shouldn't mean a thing. Because my palms may ash more or my bones may creek more, shouldn't define how pretty I am.
Her hair may reach her elbows, her hair may touch her neck.
Her skin might love the sun, her skin might hate it.
Its still beautiful.

Hi, my name is female and I like mashed potatoes and Thai coconut.
Just because you may not like it, doesn't mean Its gross or Im repulsive..

One female can say, “I am” while the other girl across the street can say, “I is.”
“No I won't”
Or
“No I ain't”

I can still smile just like the next female,
I can hold a laugh,
Cough,
Sneeze,
Wink,
Eat like the next female.

We're all one conjoined masterpiece.
One cannot make me feel low of myself.
One will not tell me she's better than me.
One will not let me cry my eyes out.

Hi, my name is female and I have a name.
My name defines me.
I am beautiful just like the next girl who likes mashed potatoes and Thai coconut.

Embrace your beauty, honey. You're gonna have it forever.

She seen him across the wet sands.
The shore was just as wide as the sun can reach it.
Her heart ached, lips moved but air came out.
He was turned to where the sun can hug him.
She wanted to hug him.
“Why!?” she plead as she was closer.
He turned to her.
“Because I'm not made for you. We don't attach like the moon and the lit stars attach. Our lips don't spark when we kiss under the trees. I don't feel your company within me. I'm cold, I can’t right now.”
It was a cutthroat hesitation.
She felt her insides churned and burst.
“For once… For once I felt something brewing in me... like a bird loves a singsong. I feel as if this was meant to be. Us. We. The sun can only hold you for so long. But me, i can't hold you to infinitive.”
He held her tight, hugging her as her tears fell onto his sleeves.
Could this be the….end? She thought to herself.
“Please don't let go…” She whispered.
“I don't want to, but it needs to be done.”
With one tug, he was apart.
Feeling the cold gaps between them, wind separating their love.
No one liked this part.
Her brain, blasted from the repetitive scorn words that he said not too long ago.
She cannot get them out.
If only if only if only.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being the burden in your air. Sorry for the space I've taken up. I'm sorry for invading the life that was once just yours. I'm sorry for being around!” She screamed.
No response.
The thick waves told a story as he walked deeper into them.
Why.

The sun kissed her velvet skin as she opened her arms out to the shore.
“Take me as I am!”
Nobody wants to be left here with nobody.
The wind ran its fingers through her sweet hair.
“Love me for me!”
It's hard to be grab on the ones you love when they're not there.
Her tears were cold, sad.
The pain in her heart ate her insides as she breathed.
Her lips wanted to be kissed, but that was impossible.
“Why?”
“Don't leave me sun, for you is all I have.”
There's not a soul out there that wants her.
She's a loner on the fearful shore.
Knees buckling to the wet sand,
She cried even more.
“Take me as I am!”

In the dusky warm night,
I my fingertips fly off onto you.
You stare into my eyes.
I can feel your hand moving up my thighs.
Twinkle in my eyes,
My body wants and needs you.
Stain my lips with your kisses,
Tease me with your bites.
Leave me purple blue.
Chills upon my skin,
Arches my back.
My mind is starting to burn with forbidden thoughts.
Give me frost bites.
I'll tease you.

Your name will be unspoken,
But know it's about you.

Coconut butter kisses that give you love and blisses
Dwell on me heavy as my heart vigorously beats steady.
I push passed the painful past but still plumet,
I love you, *******.

I'm played out, anxious, and
Sad because you don't see me
Sad because you don't hear me
Sad because you're the humming in my veins while I'm just the dust on your fingertips.
I love you, *******.

There's no darker place than my moonless midnight thoughts.

Love will either break you or destroy you.

Warm bloodshot tears tickle my cheeks.
You give me headaches that reach to my peaks.
Your scandalous words burn my ears,
Yet I still continue to listen
I love you, *******.

I don't know what we are sometimes…

These pinpoint needle emotions are sharp in my lungs it makes it hard for me to breath.
I suppose I should let it go,
But I love you, *******.

Explaining why I love you,
Is like explaining the taste of water.
Impossible.

My love for you is like a exquisite melody,
Only the lyrics are distorted.

The river of a spiritual judgment mind,
Your name derives from Hebrew.
Descends from the Middle East

You're sweet sounding.
Like Frosted Flakes and Froot Loops.

Good humored and good natured.

But behind all that lies a deeper you.

Rapping to wrap the rancid desolation of thoughts… Making them rapturous art.

Sick and tired of frustration,
Sick and tired of the money bent backwards,
Sick and tired of the stressful work,
Sick and tired of being sick and tired, huh?

You've been drunk over music so many times you've lost count of the melodies.

You lost sight to what was important to you…
But managed to find yourself again.

Living 18 years on this earth, you stumble upon a ability.
A ability to open up your mind more.

Fingers twitch,
Body denses,
Eyes close to an oscillate vision.
Tingling.
Every. Beat. Tingles.
Scary but a beautiful experience right?

“I wanna impact the world by saying something.”
So you continue to put the mic up to your lips so the blissful colloquies hit the hearts of the amateur.

Music. Takes. Patience.

With your young body,
Mature mind,
And old soul,
You can push yourself to grab the goal…

And sit back on it in New York.

He dropped a bottle, we watched the lactic leave and cover the floor.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He tipped the vase that was onced said not to be touched,
Drew on walls with all sorts of colors.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Ran with bread in his hands that wasn't his,
Walked on property that said NO.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Absent from school, days and days,
Sobbed and pout in stores when mother said,
I'm not buying that.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Grades were lowering,
Smiles were deterring.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Tussled in the streets with the no-good-doers,
Trying to protect the change in his pockets.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He came in the house of the mist of nights,
Bashed and bitter,
Partied till sunrise.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He met a lover,
Left her for another and another.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
He howled and beaten people,
Threatened their lives if they spoke of it.
"He's a baby boy, he doesn't know better."
Jumped in mysterious cars and tarnished the neighborhoods,
Took innocent lives,
Was sentenced life.
"He's not a baby boy, he knows better."

How do you find yourself subjected for loving someone whose mind is so young and out of your reach?
That is what I tell myself every time I think of you.
This falling happened over a year ago.
I'm just now gotten the courage to step out of it.
Attraction
When I heard the song on the radio, a bug ran though me.
"What is this...feeling?" I thought.
It couldn't have been anything else.
I told myself I was way too deep into my own world and needed rest.
But I figured,
What if I do have feelings?
I wondered.
As the days grew by, it grew stronger.
I was weak,
But not anymore.

She is.
What can we say about her?
Well,
She's well mannered and has the brain of an average teen, slightly forgetful.
Help me out people.
What is she?
She's a female,
A female who keeps her thoughts closed, yet open minded.
Belly isn't right and no face of a model.
She is the intellectual.
She's the reason why.
English skills above all, yet falls at social ability.
Why so many take advantage of the one we call she.
She is the cracked heart who still stands on healthy legs and is grateful for the life she lives.
People walk out on the precious.
Why?
Is it because she's not the normal?
She's not the top of the high standards?
What is it, guys?
We need to stop asking and start understanding the brown haired.
Eighth grade is when everyone stop seeing her bones.
Just to point that out.
She had friends,
Well,
They're gone now.
Don't get me wrong,
This artistic figure has grown to the crowd who disowned her long ago.
Her brain tells her to grow depressed,
But that doesn't stop she.
She is the Libra.
She can bring a crowd to the dinner table with hot bread and keep a settle conversation.
Shy. Wise. Lost. Glee. Wounded.
All signs of a growing she.
Let's not point out the acne scars or chubbed face.
She is she.
She wasn't placed on the earth for entertainment.
No monkey on tricycle.
So please don't ask.
She's growing friends as she grows herself.
Finds herself.
Affectionate,
Inflexible,
Apathetic.
That is she.
She will become something in the future the people awe.
She.

He's so dumb.
Yea I made mistake but he just lost a good *** friend.
What friend doesn't make mistakes?
He's made hella mistakes, but you don't see me flipping out and saying things I would never say to a person.
But it's okay.
He's confessed everything.
Everything he's done or said was a whole lie.
Which is okay.
Just shows me that I believed and gave my trust to the wrong person.
I have a big heart and I do the dumbest things sometimes.
I'm okay.
If he apologizes, which he won't, but if he does I swear to you I'm not letting him in this easy.
Or won't even let him in period.
He's done too much to get in easy.
I've taken too many apologies sir.
I've build a barrier around me and promised myself I won't be weak over this.
Up out my face please.
Irrelevant.
He can get up and leave.
I just hope he knows if he ever dares to come back, things will be extremely different.
Now, we might not ever talk again, which is okay.
He was scandalous, couldn't handle it.
Keep the headaches.
I'm moving on COMPLETELY.
He made things very awkward now.
This whole time I broke my back for him, be gone with all that.
I cried and begged.
We needed to be done.
We weren't seeing eye to eye,
But I tried my hardest to.
I'm changing my life because who can live like this?
Hope he lives a good life.
He said he broke backs for me, but who told him to do that?
He messed up long ago.
Wasted my time with these games.
I'm not dealing with this little boy anymore.
I'm shaking it off.
And it feels really good.
He thinks I'm going to stay around.
Needs someone who's gonna appreciate the things I do.
The love I give.
Don't need someone who's willing to be nice to me just for my sake.
Go somewhere.
Wasn't worth my time,
Gotta get this off my mind.
I'm doing this for the best of me and if it means tarnishing the past and memories,
Then so be it.
Every harsh word he's told me, it's being checked in my book of thoughts.
He put me out of my place and that wasn't cool.
He threw me in the spotlight and accused me of so many things that never came out of my mouth.
Did I ever do the same? No.
When you're mad and you say things, you must be careful what comes out the box because one day those words can push a person out and you'll never see them ever again.
Doors closed.
A little birdie once told me that you don't have a lot of people to talk to, so losing me was a mistake.

Piano playing in the background.
The same earing tune.
It's gray.
Too gray.
Might rain.
Stomach starts to grumble. I don't know why.
I'm thinking about us on that bed.
Just sitting.
I kiss your cheek.
My pants are so loose.
They have rips on them.
On purpose.
My shirt is so tight, I like it.
TEST TAKER!
They scream.
My basketball sits out on the front porch.
Wet.
Dewy in the grass
I feel you watching me sometimes,
I wonder if you think of me.

As a sit in blankness, I forget who I am and what I do.
It's because of you.
You do this to me.
In a good way?
I don't know.
I feel good, at the moment.
But overall, I just want a warm hug.
I just want a kiss on the cheek.
I just want attention like the people give the sun.
You can't direct orders if I'm not on your team.
You can't control me, until you say you love me and want me as your own.
Brain is about to exlpode.
I love you too much.
Haven't been myself since puberty kicked in.
Odd.
I don't know where I am or if I'll ever find myself.