i couldn’t remember the last time i cried
but now i find myself crying all the time

lying stagnant on somebody elses bed
in the dark because another friend is dead
a green light piercing my eyes
the walls are swaying and the ceiling is breathing

i don’t want to die
but i feel so alone in this world

my dream death is being surrounded by wild flowers as my vision slowly fades
gazing at a pale blue sky, two caring fawns by my side
waiting for me to die

they have stems in their mouths and a warm protective glow
they bless me with petals, leaves and fairies and they want me to know that my body will be safe here with them

i softly grasp dandelions to erase the horrible touch of the bad people from before
i can no longer see and i know it must be time
all the peaceful memories flashing inside my closed eyes
i see a hazy light and i can’t quite believe it’s him

i knew you didn’t disappear! i knew you would wait for me
his wide smile welcomes me to a place where no one will harm me
we can finally hug

we’ll watch everyone together now
singing sweetly as the sun goes down

sitting on the swings in pitch black, our eyes lighting up at the occasional firework
we’re here early and you hold my hand though we’ve barely taken a sip
the trees are watching over us
gently as i begin to fall in love with you

flames twirl into the sky and the faces of our friends silhouette against the burning spirals
he tells me to kiss you when we get home
he says he knows exactly what you’re thinking and i believe him

we run away into the night dancing to distant music, people making hearts with glowing wands
all my tears are all gone
the sparklers are burning out any sadness i had left inside me

i’m no longer full of self hate for tonight
all my mind knows now is your soft hands and the pretty lights

i hope you never realise who i am

she wanders through the forest - black ribbon emerging from every scratch on her body

she has never felt more at peace with the trees and the leaves, even though they resent her every time she comes out at night. they would cut her whenever she tried to touch them longing for a sense of company - go away

death sings through their fibres as she gets closer to you, harmonies echoing round her tainted head

and then she sees you. you’re only visible to her. she waves goodbye to the soil, worms and birds as she steps into the invisible portal - she will never ever go back to where she came from

tears stream down her bloodied cheeks… you promised her you’d both go to the lake by your house tomorrow but it can never happen now. the water will gaze upon something less ugly, less evil

hand in hand, you lay down in the bed of wild flowers that welcome you with open arms and loving whispers - they say everything is going to be okay but neither of you are sure…
she’s crying all over the petals but you can’t utter a word of reassurance

‘i’m so weak’ you repeat in your head
the flowers are joining together now, all over your bodies. it’s a comforting feeling for somebody so tarnished yet you accept it... you’ll soon no longer be corrupt

her face is covered now and she’s completely silent - the sky is deep red but it’s peaceful

you both take your last breath as your hands loosen from around eachother

then you were gone

we held hands through a darkness of evil eyes and as soon as we made it to the door we were free - floating through the street and down to your side door, the place where we imagined the ghost

we saw the man through the cracks of the hinges, he spoke a lot about demons but he sounded like one himself…
gold teeth and dressed in all black, he merged with the floor like he was possessed just to scare the cat

your tears were the rain that day and your bunny was our saving grace
under the covers to feel okay if it means everyone else just goes away

i came back to the graveyard for three days
just so i could sit by the same tree and listen to your soft voice

no one will find me here, i’m guarded by leaves and the quiet sounds of who used to be
i try not to flinch when i feel the bugs crawl on my hands
i know they will engulf me one day
maybe here, or somewhere else
but i hope it’s here

maybe another lost soul will find my hiding place
after i am gone
and hear the faint whispers of your sweet songs merged with my cries
and wonder who we once were

soft talking in the night alley and the lingering wind on our cold knees
that is how everything always has been - bitter air and exposed legs will always guard the concrete

gleaming eyes and the prettiest of smiles haunt the rooms of this pretty place, wondering around the uneven paths with drunken grins and lustful hands
they pass the walls that hold memories of sadness and happiness
not stopping to even take a look, some of those events will never be spoken about again

the comforting fairy lights that used to line the brick walls are all gone now, but they still glow in the pictures that i will forever keep, illuminating the memory of when i was first blinded by them
the tiny bulbs radiate through my phone, screaming at me how innocent things used to be
i look back at them blankly, as in the foreground of the pictures is the place where i first met somebody that would eventually cause me a lot of sadness
it was a rainy and cold night, as i stood around a puddle with two friends that would eventually fade away from me in time

last year, in this place, i would never have cowered behind a van, hoping my tears would merge with the cold rain so i wouldn’t have to feel alone this way
i would only freeze as i was mesmerised by the people i would look at, aspiring to be better at guitar like them all
i would smile in photos and i would leave happily without a single smudge underneath my eager eyes

this place is the keeper of elaborate paintings, that would one day be used as a distraction by the kind girl who wipes away my tears
‘which one is your favourite?’ she would say, wiping away my mascara smears
this place holds old fashioned TV’s, lit up with ‘merch’ on the screen
this place means everything to me

i now stand alone with a pretty girl i’ve just met
we are gazing up in awe and she tells me how the sky will never look exactly the same as it does now
staring up every half an hour, it gradually gets darker
she reassures me that i’m okay as my jaw shivers uncontrollably, making my aching teeth collide
she’s telling me the things that are good about me, as our voices echo into the fading night
but she is also suffering, as she spills out all her troubles that are similar to my own
and most of the people around us