i tucked oversized sweaters under my arm
on my way to nostalgia,
where little boys laughed at you for having your jeans unzipped,
where little girls screamed break-up songs until their voices left them.
i pointed which way was west,
which way north,
but i seemed to be falling
falling
f
  a
     l
       l
         i
           n
              g  south
until some sort of
a t m o s p h e r e
surrounded me,
an atmosphere that offered freedom from the tumor
that formed from within my chest
and i followed it west...
...or was it east?
i was lost in some dystopia
where the one i loved was gone
and the only reason i kept going
was because of her.
she can never replace the one i loved
but she can be pretty **** close sometimes.
her arms were around me once more,
guiding me through the doors that
glowed purple and green,
that would give me supposed liberty.
at the end of the path
was the one i loved,
alive.

reunited at last,
with her arms around me once again.

i was weaving through lit-up boxes
with lollipops as joysticks.
i was following a fairy that left
a trail of violet pixie dust
behind her iridescent wings
and streams of what do you want to play?
i sensed the glare of a drunken owl's eyes
singe into my back as i traced letters
on the surface of a toy chest:
i'm sorry baby, it read,
yet he lowered his gun until it reached
just the tip of his wings
and he fired.
he fired life into the words i wrote,
life that made the words i wrote surround me,
suffocate me.
he was drunk on restless nights,
wanting to
f
  e
    e
      l
         love again.
love, love, lust, love;
does he even know the difference?
suddenly i felt the flat surface
of a blade stroking my back,
teasing me of my death.
are you having fun?

     do you want to know what real fun is like?

his embrace stole innocence from my lungs
and the kisses he planted on my cheeks
burned holes into what was once a rosy pink,
into what was once of joyful skin.

you lost weight, he acknowledged with a smirk,

     *you look amazing.

baby, i still love you.