angels are found stubbing out cigarettes on their hands and clicking heads and drinking coffee that's been cold for four hours already
top notes: lavender, laundry detergent, dust
middle notes: sweat, warm cloth, afternoon sunlight
bottom notes: blood, alstroemeria, yuzu, fear
isolation is desolation is desecration is lust,
feet up on the amp, one hand on my heart
the door isn't locked but the house is always empty
this is how it will go:
1. terror is a deadbolt door
2. familiarity breeds contempt
3. hatred is the same as love
you will wake up on concrete and you will learn to like it. i will hold you like i did when i was young and you were younger, a fawn on shaky feet i take a hammer to the knees on, wet eyes rimmed with red, eyes that are mine, that look at me with resentment, but love is unethical and an axiomatic seraph science has already tamed.
you must understand
that no one will love you
the way i love you
and that's okay, because
i have more than enough
to pour into your open body
you always get sick so easily, so let me help you, okay? i'm your big sister, after all.
oh! they're kissing! when you kiss in the game, you get healed. i mean, it makes sense, like sleeping beauty, right?
ちゅっ~
do you feel better now?
hmm...
yes!
and on some strange level i do believe i am entitled to everything like the burns on the back of my wrist and the way your face looks in cold pre-dawn light and kissing the mirror which comes alive under my hands, hair which curls instead of falls straight, light brown eyes whose pupils dilate to match mine.
after i was born, i think all i did was wait for you
i wasn't a person for two and a half years
i was only born to fulfill the appetite of my younger sister
you won't open your mouth for fear of being heard
that's okay too; the duty of an elder sister is to protect her little sister
Littermate syndrome (sometimes referred to as littermate dependency) is a blanket term for a variety of behavioral problems in dogs, which are attributed to their being raised alongside other dogs of the same age (regardless of whether they are actually from the same litter).
in the old country, they used to say that twins were cursed from birth; more than one person but less than two.
The existence of littermate syndrome is disputed.
q: do you think your identity as an older sister informs your writing?
Behaviors which have been connected to littermate syndrome include leash reactivity, fear aggression, neophobia, and separation anxiety relative to the other dog,[1] as well as aggression towards each other and towards their owner.[2]
a: yes; my own identity has always been defined in terms of others. even my inner monologue is didactic. instead of saying "okay, i'm gonna go grab milk and eggs," i say "okay, we're going to grab milk and eggs." who's we? my little sister. always. she's always there even when she's not.
they will ask you in the same roundabout way of crying where you have been for the last seven years and our parents will thank anyone but you on national television for your safe return and you will lie to their faces.
you will not mention that house.
nor will you mention me.
i will forgive you, always.
i am here, waiting.