a vertigo
a looming abyss
a lurching in my stomach
it grips my heart,
i catches my breath.

i had stood at the edge of the world with you.
i had viewed all of forever
i had walked the winding path
i had breathed the silence.

and yet even that event,
had been marred by your disease.

now i stand at the edge,
at the end of our world.
this is not what i wanted.
this is not the path i had sought.

but i will step over the edge,
and hope that a blonde eagle will catch me,
or at least break my fall,
and carry me to destiny.

he truth about divorce:
it's not glamorous
it's not uplifting or enabling
it's not fair
it's not pretty
it's not enlightening
it's not comforting
it's not romantic

it's ugly
it's painfull
it's destructive
it's morally debilitating
it's lonely
it's dream destroying
it's mascochistic

the hands that carried you to the altar,
turns into pointing fingers of accusations.

the promises you made,
turns into regrets.

the rings that bound your love,
becomes shackles of hate.

there is nothing about divorce that makes me feel any better.

In my defence
I dared to dream
About places i had yet to see
And who would be at my side.

In my defence
I had offered you my heart
And was looking in your eyes
For an answer

In my defence
I had dared to hope
For a future i never imagined
And started to believe

In my defence
I had loved you too much
And myself not enough
And i got lost along the way

In my defence
I had wanted to be swept away
But was left to fend for myself
Among the wolves and snakes

In my defence
I had expected you to be
A saviour against myself
But you were my tormentor.

In my defence
I was seeking shelter
Against my own voice
But encountered the storm of yours.

In my defence
I am now fighting
Not against you anymore
But against the pain you left behind.