Dear God
I know you are a crutch,
created by a scared species,
to make the dark nights warmer.

I know that millions of lives are spent,
in your name,
and of those other pray to.

I know people flock to buildings,
bruise their knees in abeisiance,
hoping for eternal life.

I know that millions fight for you,
thousands speak for you,
and none ever see you.

I know that the universe is vast,
complex and unknown,
but not created by you.

And yet,
it would be easy,
if I could clasp my hands together,
murmur words of needs longed for,
and recieve a miracle at my door.

Dear God,
If you had indeed been real:
Then the slavery of religion would disgust you,
your followers' grovelling would embarrass.
Teh demise of your word created,
would fire you into action.
To save us.
To guide us.
To teach us how to live.

In the absence of an allmighty,
all I see is a sentient species:
violent
greedy
hatefull
Bent of self-destruction.

There is no Divine in the **** of the infant girl.

I long for something
that was never mine.
Tha I had one of my own,
long ago.
And grieved for when I was young,
but pushed away when I was grown.

I long for something,
that had failed me,
took me for a fool,
a clown for my own entertainment.
I long for a word,
a kindness,
a hand extended,
a glance that would notice,
when I looked pretty.

I long for the warm *****,
of a womanly form,
a fragrance I recognise,
of a wrinkled face with a smile.

I* gave away the womb that bore me.
I lost the one I didn't.
The only voice who told I was beautifull,
is now forever stilled.

what do i do
with the embers you left in soul?
what do i do
knowing how you truly feel?
what do i do
seeing you smile
but knowing that i am not what you want
what do i do
after the terrible truths

you said
you would not miss me when i had gone
you said
you could not fall in love
you said
you are not happy

i know these things
they live in my heart now
broken shards of glass
cutting, cutting
every day
knowing
remembering
the words that made me cold

the place i have
in your world
is not precious
or treasured

what am i?
what purpose do i have in your life?

nothing, seemingly
then why do you keep me around?

i want to trace my cold leather along your skin
i want to see you flinch in anticipation
i want to see your manhood hard for me
i want to forge your pain
i want to meld your pleasure
i want to control your release
it will be of my choosing

i want to grab your silky hair
and hear you moan
i want to taste your neck
and want to bite your ******
i want to make you cry out
and see you shiver

i want to take you to the edge
and back down again
i want to hold you
while you ride the waves

i want to hear you say
mistress, i am yours.

i cringe from the memories you left
the things you made me see
a tiny body
an innocent
you sought to destroy
to break me
to reign me in

i had failed to protect them
from your malice
i had failed to protect myself
from your hatred

my children
forgive me
my daughter
i tried to stop him

my soul
i'm sorry
for bending you
beyond breaking

i will confront him
i will stand in front of judge and jury
and his golden face
will make me a lair
but i know
that in my home
you live like kings
and you fear nothing

no more
will i lie awake,
and wonder if i will live through the night
never again
will i sell my heart so cheap

and as alone i may be
a cold bed
or worth more
than warm grave