NEW AGAIN
AGAIN I AM LONGING.
FOR AGAINS ARE REPETITIVE.
IT SEEMS I NEED TO HURT.
I NEED TO OVERCOMPENSATE.

BUT I AM BROKEN FROM BEFORES.
SHOULD I AGAIN, AGAIN?

QUICKSILVER THOUGHTS,
RUNNING MADLY,
DEADLY IF CONSUMED.
AND I AM CONSUMED AGAIN.
THE INNOCENCE OF EYES,
MY OWN FAILURES REFLECTED BACK.

I AM MOTHER, DAUGHTER.
EX-LOVER, EX-FIANCE… EX HUMAN?

I AM TEARING AT MY SOULSKIN,
A WEREWULF AT FULL MOON.
MY INNER BEING IS SUFFOCATING.
IT’S TOO EASY TO BE HAPPY.
HARD IS GOOD.
I MUST BE GOOD.
A GOOD LITTLE PUPPY.
A BAD LITTLE PUPPY.
WILL I BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS ME?

I REMEMBER NOW, AS I DO EVERY DAY
HOW YOU SMILE
AND LAUGH SO EASILY
YOUR EYES,
NEVER THE SAME COLOUR.
SKIN, SOF AND WARM,
AMPLE TO THE TOUCH.
I LOVE YOUR VOLUPTIOUSNESS.

SUDUCTIVE WITHOUT TRYING.
**** WITHOUT KNOWING.
THE SMELL OF YOU –
*** AND CIGARETTES.
I LONG FOR IT ON MY PILLOWS.

YOUR SHYNESS MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE.
YOUR HIDDEN FRAGILENESS.
I WAN TO PROTECT YOU.
THE BIGGEST OF HEARTS,
SOMETIMES TO YOUR OWN DETRIMENT.

MY ANCHOR
MY SAVIOUR
MY ACCOMPLICE
YOU BREAK MY HEART SO EASILY
AND MEND IT WITH LESS THAN THAT
I WILL REMEMBER YOU FOREVER.
YOU HAVE CHANGED MY WORLD.
YOU ARE MY WORLD

HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT ME,
AND BELIEVE THAT I CAN LOVE YOU?

I HAVE TOLD YOU MY BITTER HATES.
MY HEAVY BURDENS WILL DRAG YOU DOWN.

BE CAREFUL, GOOD HEART,
I MIGHT TREAD ON YOUR SOUL,
AND CRUSH YOUR GOOD INTENTIONS.
I DON’T INTEND YOU ANY HARM,
I INTEND TO LOVE YOU TOO MUCH,
AND I KNOW MY HEART WILL BREAK.

BECAUSE I’M INSECURE
BECAUSE I’M NEEDY
BECAUSE I’M LONELY
BECAUSE I HAVE ABANDONEMENT ISSUES
BECAUSE I’VE FALLEN FOR YOU
BECAUSE I KNOW I SHOULDN’T
BECAUSE I NEED YOU
BECAUSE I KNOW I’M BENT
BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO DO TO YOU,
WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO ME…

Reaching up
It clawed into my skin
Scrambling it’s way up into my mind
It scars my bones
It soils my blood
Carrying the reek of decay

I haven’t seen you in awhile,
Dark friend,
I thought I’d lost you along the way…
But lurking, waiting,
You slipped my defenses.

How long this time?
Till I escape your fetid breath,
Warm and moist in my neck.
How long till I let go,
And give in to your corrupt seduction?

I SEE YOU, AS NEVER BEFORE
I FEEL YOU, AS NEVER BEFORE.
LET EVERY NIGHT BE AS THE LAST
LET MY EYES NEVER STRAY FROM YOURS
I WOULD GLADLY DISSOLVE,
IF MY HANDS WERE TO MELT INTO YOURS,
AND BE COMPLETE IN YOU.
NO CARNAL NATURE CAN EVER BIND,
NO INTIMATE MOMENT EVER COMPARE,
THE SOFTNESS OF YOUR SKIN,
THE SMELL OF YOUR HAIR.
WHEN THE DARKNESS BECOMES OUR BLANKET,
AND I GET TO SAMPLE YOUR SECRETS…
NEVER HAVE I LOVED YOU MORE.
NEVER HAVE I WANTED YOU MORE.
SO THIS I ASK:
MAY I DROWN IN YOUR DESIRE?

(circa 2004)

run little bunny,
run.
you have been grasing in these pastures too long.

hide in plain sight,
like you allways do.

stop running the headlights,
i wont dodge you for long.

dont pull those limpid eyes,
and tilt your head sideways.
those vices dont melt me anymore.

you had the benefit of a lush meadow,
a soft warren for you weary body.

but you werent going to be tamed.
you flick your tail in rebellion.
you kick up your feet in disdain.
you eat the good fruits first.

so now,
little bunny,
shoo along.
a little quicker please.
dont hunker down,
and imagine i dont see you.
dont give me that petrified gaze,
and the quivering ears.

you came in throught the fence,
you will leave through the gate.

are you still here?

why yes,
i am loading my gun.

not a very smart bunny.

his eyes were fixed upon nothing,
his breath caught in his chest.
a constricting weight,
descended upon his heart.

no longer,
was he her hero.
no longer,
would he hold her,
listen to her sleep.

he bit his lip,
to keep it for trembling,
but alas,
a tear slipped from his lashes,
and got lost in his stubble.

he meant to draw a breath,
to speak his pain,
but a sob wracked his throat.

he gripped the table edge,
his knucles straining with the force.

he steeled himself,
he needed to say something.

'you will never find another love like mine'
he choked.

he watched her berry lips part in response
'thank goodness'.