I am on the edge.
And I’m terrified.

Decisions made by others
Are slowly not happening
While I live my life on pause
For the answers.

Should I be relieved when
The answers come to me?
Because whether yay or nay,
The possible results still scare me.

I know I can’t be care-free
Anymore. Is that what one
Loses when they grow up?
The certainty that everything
Will work out?

My fingernails are jagged
Now from the endless nervous
Nibbling I catch myself doing.
Terrible habit, I know.

If I could just fast-forward
Life to the moment where
Everything is settled, all the
Knowledge necessary is known,
Maybe then I could begin
To relax. But as far as I know,
Such technology hasn’t been
Invented yet, so I’ll have to
Continue at this dreadfully
Slow pace and see how life
Turns out.