if i wrote a poem to every boy that broke my heart
that would be a long work of art
and in the end i would be the only one to blame
confiding and trusting in another
hoping they won't cause me any pain
only to be disappointed
once again.

i look at her
asymmetrical features
eyes dark like black holes
brown skin
nothing close to thin
wide hips
small lips
cellulite down her thighs
long thick lashes covering her eyes
she’s not pretty when she cries
she’s beautiful as she lies
she rests her head where i rest my soul
as i talk to her, i feel her voice caress me
for i am the only one who knows
under that nonchalant exterior, a crimson flower grows
i look at her
the multi-universe of her soul
i want to watch her grow old
a shining star from afar
but up close a cherub in human form
i love her, i love her, i die for her
when she questions why i remain
i have so much to say
but i timidly explain
if i was to share another life in her presence
i would immediately dive in her essence
for her aura contains the vibrations of my meaning
her persona of patience is enough for the healing
of my traumas and no she is not for me to use
she is delicate, my purpose, my muse
my guardian angel that has helped me prosper
i don’t care what those other girls have to offer
her coffee bean hair tickling my cheeks
her heart finally in my reach
she is not mine, not anyone’s
hues of warm sand and dirt
i look at her
an earth goddess that never made me hurt

i wanted to die
and now that i almost did
im like **** why didnt i?
my peripheral views lie to me
miscalculated love and understanding
because truly no one knows what that means
no one even knows me
im a fake a fraud
i hide i lie
theres nothing inside
blackness, darkness
i want to forget it all
i have no regrets
i have no wishes
just ******* end it
i’m not curious
i know myself
complex, cruel, crazy
smoke it away
forget what people say
irrelevant, nonexistent
facts over opinions
the only form of vacation i know
is the escape in my own isolation
i know who i am
i’ve found myself
i am ashamed
i thought they would accept me as i came
they didn’t
all that i want to be i am
they are not satisfied
it doesn’t make me feel sad inside
it doesn’t make me insecure
i have never felt more sure
of myself because no one else
is like me, i’m unique
but i’m not how they want me to be
**** them
i am my own heaven
i dont need anyone
i am the only one
who is like me
and i am all i need.

emotions bottled up in the *** i can’t release
for a boy before has already left his unwanted mark on me
i am scarred once more
what is the universe waiting for?
i have gone through so ******* much
i’m even tired of all these quick *****
i need someone i can truly love
but i have not had any luck
my insecurities are getting to me
is it my way of being?
trying my hardest to be kind and gentle
instead i come off strong or just plain mental
but **** it it’s who i am
and even though i have the personality of a trash can
i’m better off alone
because no one else knows
how much i have had to suffer on my own
calling the walls in my mind
my only home

i remember
when my father would hold me
he told me to never feel lonely
for he would always be there
i used to always care
now i don't give a ****
i don't believe in bad luck
only in karma and God's path
don't push me to release this wrath
of anger kept in for years
reminiscent of all the wasted tears
wasted time i spent praying for
someone to be by my side
instead of being grateful
for my life
i wanted it to end
was always waiting for someone to lend
a hand
but in this land
people are too selfish
i remember, never miss
choosing growth over comfort
establishing my worth
prideful, truthful, hurtful
i'll never again feel like a fool
i remember
i used to be afraid
of all the things i now crave
loss, temptation, change
even though i act older
than my age
my heart is young
lighter than any tune ever sung
knowing where i stand
comfortable with who i am
i remember
this is what i have been
waiting for
this life, i wouldn't want
anything more.

i am a narcissus
sing to me stroke my petals softly
i change colors
exquisite range
more complex than the others
out of all i have endured
my stem stands sturdy and tall
i put behind and disregard
what led to my downfalls
they crushed me, they did
left parched, malnourished
i craved to be tended to
to be watered
i prayed for the unnecessary
i didn’t see what was inside of me
i am all that i need
me who was once a seed
i caused my own pain
dramatic, overthought
the most important part i forgot
to flourish is to accept
the storm that tries to weaken you
to love is to be satisfied
with the soil you are to grow in
i cherish my colors
remember my roots
grown through concrete
i’m in full bloom

it’s the time of the season
i’m in full bloom
i have purpose, i have reason
i can bring light to a room
with my passion and smile
conversations worth the while
time spent recovering
from the sad thoughts hovering
rejections and pains reappearing
i stand without fear or feeling
brave and nonchalant
people aren’t too fond
of my actions, decisions
i am still aiming for my goals
with precision
judgement does not phase me
they don’t know what i’m facing
my petals had been withering
but with the time God has given me
i have grown
discovered the unknown
i had stored inside myself
roots watered without help
available all year round
a rare blossom ultimately found