You want to find me at my worst?
Go back a few years, and find a fifteen-year-old nothing
With infinite depression and thoughts stuck on repeat,
playing the same suicide song over and over
As you watch her slowly transform her legs to scar tissue
Please tell her you've noticed she's not eating

You want to see me at my lowest?
Watch me lap up the blood after bathing in blades
When you search for the places that my mind visits so frequently
It will truly test a flexibility
that not everyone has

You want to know me at my core?
No, you don't
Curiosity is not the same as desire and
the darkness would only blind you
I'm too sweet to show you the type of insanity
most would cringe in disgust at
And honestly, at the end of the day, all I'm left with are notebooks and razors

Have you ever tried to flex your heart to make sure it was still in your chest?

Everytime you tried to choke down what was hurting you, you realized it didn't matter anymore.

Lately, I've been doing okay. Except when the night starts telling secrets to the dawn so I have to make sure they don't whisper your name.

Please, don't worry about me though. Just focus on being happy.



Maybe one day, things will be in a place where you can see a shadow and smile without swallowing shards of glass.

E**ven though I promised to always be here, it will **** is both if I stay. I'm so sorry.

What am I to you?
Surely, I am nothing more
Than a cigarette of yours.
You've had many like me before,
And you will have many more like me to come.
You keep me in your back pocket at all times,
Waiting,
Craving the touch of your lips
On my papery skin.
When you finally choose me,
It's heaven in my heart.
I feel fireworks, like the spark of a lighter
Igniting my love and soul.
You taunt me with the promise of a good night's kiss,
But all I receive are a few false kisses blown my way,
And eventually,
You drop me on the floor,
And stomp.
You'll leave me there, sparks extinguished and heart in fragments,
Watching your lips do their beautiful dance
On another just like me.

Forever forgotten. Forever irrelevant. Forever inept.

Breathe me in.
Inhale me.
Tempt, but never touch.
What am I to you?
Surely, I am nothing more
Than a cigarette of yours.

{alaska}

My hands are dry and cracked,
And my breath smells like ***** and cigarettes.
My throat hurts,
But I’m not sick,
Although that’s what I’m going to tell my professor tomorrow
When I don’t show up for class.
***** feminist theory.
I thought it was a worthy cause
Before it was violently shoved down my throat,
Just like my fingers tonight after dinner.
I’m getting really good at this.
Everyone is suspicious, though,
And I don’t know
If I really care.
So I’ll just keep smoking my Marlboro Blacks
And dashing to the bathroom after every meal
And wondering if I’ll ever look in the mirror
And not hate the girl I see
Staring back.