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 Apr 2017 Deon
Caitlin
I feel like I continuously go through a cycle where I finally meet someone who makes me happy and then I begin doubting everything and insecurities creep into my head..
I can't breath and every little thing bugs me. I retreat back with in my head and it freaks people out.
If only, I could tell my heart to remain guarded all the time. I don't want to be like this, but every time, I get hurt. And I don't even have a reason to be. Its all in my head..
 Apr 2017 Deon
Caitlin
Happiness
 Apr 2017 Deon
Caitlin
Is it too much to ask to be happy?
To have someone who honestly makes me happy?
To have my heart smile when he walks in the room?
To have a half dozen inside jokes, where all it takes is one word and we ae both laughing?
To have someone to know me better than I know myself?
To be loved?
And to love them back with all my being?
Is it too much to ask if I can be happy?
 Apr 2017 Deon
Caitlin
Maybe we've both matured.
Maybe we've just drifted.
Maybe we were meant for only a short amount of time.
Maybe we were meant for this fate..

That doesn't mean I don't miss you though.
 Dec 2016 Deon
Caitlin
Tug of War
 Dec 2016 Deon
Caitlin
I feel as if this is a tug of war,
Back and forth
Forth and back.
Some giving it all, some letting others do all the work.
Sometimes I want to give up
Stop pursuing this goal.
Then you go and confuse me.
It leaves me wondering if this is worth it.
What should I do??
 Dec 2016 Deon
Caitlin
My dear,
You try too hard
You are constantly looking for the approval of others,
when all you need is your own approval.

My dear,
You work too hard
You constantly feel like you have to stay busy,
in order to live.
Relaxing won' hurt.

My dear,
You are so blind
You are so concerned by what's ahead
That you don't see what is standing right in front of you.

My dear,
if only you saw yourself though my eyes,
and you stopped trying so hard
for things that aren't worth it.
 Dec 2016 Deon
Caitlin
Laughter
 Dec 2016 Deon
Caitlin
I love to laugh,
I will laugh at my best friends face,
jokes, someone else's laugh,
I laugh at inside jokes,
even ones that happened months ago.

For me, laughter is the best medicine.
If I'm down, or haven't laughed in a while,
You know something is wrong.
 Dec 2016 Deon
Caitlin
The funny thing is,
You don't know what you did to make me react this way.
And I don't know how to tell you.

How can I tell you that my heart throbs when I look at you?
That the physical pain of avoiding you, even though it was your idea, Hurts so much I can't stand it.
How can I tell you, that I'm afraid of losing you?
That I'm afraid of being used by you, and then just thrown away...

I can't tell you that.
Ever
 Dec 2016 Deon
Caitlin
I can't trust myself when I'm alone anymore.
The silence is almost dreading.
I can't breath properly anymore.
The will isn't there.
I can't think straight anymore.
The thoughts are so jumbled, so tangled.
I can't anymore.
This has to stop.
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