i see eyes in the dark
i feel tears behind mine
i keep everything in
like a drunk
with the alcohol
in his liver
the world
in my head
is a flimsy hell
and this earh
we live on
is a flimsy paradise
you gotta build bricks
of scorching magma
to climb your way out

Miserable

I don't want to see
the way you ignore me
after you use me
after I pass your thoughts
like I'm not alive
like I'm nothing
I want you
to delete
everything you wrote
I want you
to write poems of misery
of how guilty you feel
and even in those feelings
you're still
a selfish ***
*****.

blasting music in my ears
having triggers for some years
the same guy its the same guy
its not the same lows
or the same highs
i think i'm in hell
in earth i see the same sky
but not all that well
someone blast me with a bullet
someone stab me with a knife
my thoughts are getting darker
and i'm not acting very wise
i kinda like the fact
that it takes every part of me
to take myself a part
and create a new life
i'm giving birth to myself
over and over again
dying in a hospital
as a clone, a copy
when they do a biopsy
they'll see a bunch of gods
grouped together
i might blast myself
with some pills
tried to do it
tried to ****
when you blocked me
the 400th time
we're opposites
but the same
twin flames
barbed wire
melted   a bit.

Now nobody knows my name
before I bleed I turn into the darkest version of myself
it was fermenting inside of me
when you tortured me mentally
you didn't know what you were creating
so godly you are
so disturbed
transferred it to me
your disease
and now I'm a figment of your imagination
I'm the shadow in the blade
always stalking
always watching

Feeling like a black slime
is it criminal,
if in my room alone?
and no one is here to see
my mom wonders
what's wrong with me
she gave birth to a deviant
and I can only deceive the world for so long
there's nowhere I belong
I should put it in a song
sitting here, starving out
at least I'm healing slowly
thinking about if everyone in the world was dead
judgement day, coming now
hell and heaven, coming down
nothing left to do
but
die
and go to hell
I'll burn forever
for not praying
I'll burn forever

death is a peaceful slumber
death is a painful end
death is a deep depression
death is at the bottom of the ocean
death is the solution to my problems
watching my body decay
broken and abused memories
this is not a place i want to say
tears fill my body
i'm headless, my throat is slit
i have things i can't say
and things i won't admit
my thoughts are ghostly demons
slicing me in half
but all that comes out is blood and tears
a salty, runny bath
no one to turn to to
nowhere to run
in my fantasies
we become one
i feel the sadness
evermore
and on the earth
i don't exist
i turn to dirt and bones
so no man will ever hurt me
and i die in the earth, alone
deserted as i always was.

i love you death...
i love you so much...
i am in love
with my pain
and my sadness...

i live in the past....
never to see the future...
of what my life would become...

i never do it for me
i want to be free
so i can run back in your chains
and we can call it love
i can be your dove
trapped inside a cage
i mix spells and potions
raising commotion inside
just so that i can see you
magically appear in my life
i never do it for me
only do it for you
stuck in a wave, in a wave of loving you
never do it for me
only do it for you
i'm constantly pushing shoving you
i want you back
and sometimes i want you bad
i never did it for me,
only did for you
stuck in a wave, in a wave of loving you