I dreamt of walking
walking in a shore
the sea called upon me
inviting, taunting, teasing
She called and called
like a mother that lost her child
and I succumb to her call
wandering, wondering, thinking
should I go?
but my feet led me to her
deeper and deeper I went
The sea cradled me
her icy waters turned warm in my touch
and I went in deeper.
I was drowning
drowning in the warm, salty waters.
and as I woke up from my sleep
I was still drowning.
drowning in my own tears.
And I wished
wished for you to be here.
Do you remember that night
when we danced under a thousand fairy lights?
Do you remember the way I looked at you
like I uncovered the mysteries of the world?
Do you remember how we laughed
like no one was watching,
like it was only me and you?
I bet you don't.
Because that night
I watched you dance with her
I saw how you look at her,
like the way I look at you
I saw how you smile at her,
like she was your everything
I watched you fall in love with someone else
I remember how I cried with a smile
and a broken heart that night
And I remember how I was happy for you.
"What are we? " he asked.
"A gray area."
It's a question I don't want to answer, or rather, a question I'm afraid to answer... Because once I open up the possibility, there's no reset button, no escape route, no other way but forward.
So I'd rather stay in this gray area. It's safer.
"I love you." He said.
I froze. I looked into his eyes asking if it was true, searching for a clue that it might be some crazy joke. But I didn't see any spark of mischief.
All I saw was his brown eyes boring into mine and I drowned.
I drowned, gasping for air that was momentarily absent when my heart skipped a beat.
I wanted to tell him that he is my universe. He is the anchor that keeps me grounded when I wanted to flee from the world's evils. He is the only sane thing in my world full of insanity.
Most of all, I wanted to tell him that I love him, too.
I tried to speak, put thoughts into words. But my thoughts was a mixture of jumbled words racing their way out of my throat. I choked.
"Thank you," was all I said.
I wanted to know you like the palm of my hands but you were a clenched fist I can never open no matter how hard I try.
I would offend you til my heart aches
And commit numerous mistakes
If it meant keeping you
And keeping my feelings true
I would rather let the butterflies burn
And let my world normally turn
Around the sun until I learn
To forget the feelings i have earned
I would rather float in an endless void
Than gravitate towards your voice
And spend the day in utter silence
Than lose all of my senses
I would rather lie to myself
Than keep our memories on a shelf
Cause loving you means risking it all
That's why I am too afraid to fall.
Wrote this 2 or 3 years ago
— The End —