my ego so easily constructs
     a fantasy
in which you, my favorite reader,
       t
           r
       i
           p
over my words and fall into
a wonderland
     with me

a single small s  p  a  c  e
between the blackness of
     these letters
and you fall into my fantasy
where we relish in
     our fetters

we forget to climb back out
as the passion starts
     to mount

we lose our minds with pleasure
hands and mouths
     d      i
           s      c
                 o      v
                       e     r
                             hidden treasure

the words that you pour out
my own that you soak up
leave us beggingpleadingscreaming
till our keyboards
light back up

round and swollen
tears; eyes swollen

waddle and beguile
listen; forced smiles

rubbing my bump
swallow the lump

          a shy little smile, down onto my belly
          cry into my biscuit and onto my jelly

          questions come fast and answers come faster
          ignored and vanishing into the plaster

it's the first year we haven't
taken turns 'round the table
rejoicing that we're
happy
or healthy
or able
   because we lost
          *gabriel