This is for my sad little clown,
Who helps me up when I am down.

Who puts on his happy face,
And goes on with the daily race.

A trickster he is, that is true,
but the trick you see is not on you.

He tells himself that he is fine,
And you will never hear him whine.

But I can hear it when he laughs,
His hearts not in it , that's the facts.

The one thing that he doesn't know,
Is that I care about him so.

The words he writes, they touch my soul,
I just wish I could make him whole.

This is for my sad little clown,
A better heart just can't be found.

Last night, as the rain came down, I thought a thought of you and me:
Of sitting by the fireside, and drinking cups of homemade tea.
Cause you were happy, I was sad, like all the days we never had
Where you would smile and make me glad, but none of that has happened yet.

I’ve only ever dreamt.
Never learned, never spent
The time.
And that was my mistake.      

Tomorrow, if the rain comes down, I’ll sit and think of what’s to be.
I’ll draw my feelings, read the news, and keep a record of my dreams.
Cause I’ve been thinking all the time, that you are yours and I am mine,
Or we could switch and that’d be fine. But I could never lead the line.

I’ve only ever heard.
Never seen, never learned
The way.
And that was my mistake.

i swore to myself
that a flick of the tongue
would never shelter self-hatred
so deeply embedded into the patchwork of my being.

contagion is a sad **** thing
and cycles seem to be an endlessly contributing factor
those who hurt cannot become hurt
and so we place our self-pity at the top of our priorities
disregarding emotion so carefully hidden in the fragile mind of others.
however there are few who's torment is only self-projected

i am one
an anathema that exists in silence

my past has been placed in a box full of secrets
along with the evidence of my self-mutilation
is there a way to keep my eyes shut and my dignity revealed?
this world is numb, and the apathy must be getting to me
because i would rather not feel a **** thing
than to be plagued by misery
from myself and the ones i love
however, emotions are not choices
and humans cannot be reprogrammed

it seems the pleas and slurs i leave in place of words
are what my familiars take to heart
bodies speak such complex languages
and not everyone has the patience
or the attentiveness
to listen to anything other than a cry

and although i warn
and beg for warmth
i receive only glaciers
and memories of faces
overwritten with impassivity
what i would give
to reach into the darkest parts of my soul
and rip out this sorrow
that has clung itself to the shadows of my psyche

in the depths of my worst memories
there is a wish
a want
a need
to take this heart of mine
and throw it to wolves
to be destroyed but desensitized
in my heart
is all my pity
my lust
my anger
my sadness
and sunshine darkened and gutted
so very long ago

Known for original, and I won’t replicate them.
Today’s sun is gone, still got the moon.
But why so soon? I’m tired of this tune.

My heart’s been broke, too many, too much.
Pain finally made me numb..or perhaps I’m just at peace..

Turn off the clock, turn on my watch..
Let me escape with only some scotch
Dim the lights, only a notch..

Don’t feel a thing, not even a sting
What will this bring? A heart break till spring..

Finally went numb..or perhaps I’m just at peace