Something in my throat made my unspoken words shake.
And something in between every aching memory made the lights seem like at any moment,
They would break.

The floorboards creaked with every step of my timid feet,
As the shattered glass dove in deeper and deeper,
Like it was pouring from the stained and sagging ceiling above me.
And as it opened up the scars that had just barely finished healing,
My skin screamed with pain and panic until the tears didn't want to fall,
But they did.
I could feel the sum of my strength weakening
As the first teardrop fell from my face
And landed on the ground with a vibrant shatter.
Then the tears fell like frantically racing raindrops
On a cold and stormy day.
And as they despairingly drained from me,
So did my strength.
And yet,
I thought it was all so beautiful.

But as the newly awakened wounds opened up wider and wider,
I could hear my heart howling in agony,
Hiding all alone in its quiet room.
I tried to give it something for the pain
But it just screamed louder.
So I tried to comfort it
But it just went back to hating me again.
"Tell me when you think it was that
We became so unhappy,
So hopeless,
So vulnerable;
Sleeping out of sync
With our dreams utterly
Severed and estranged?
Tell me,
How do we fix it?"

The constant weight of
Hope versus practicality.
I never minded it always blaming me for its mistakes,
I just made sure that I always held it
Close enough
And tight enough
During every single earthquake.
But no one is going to fix it for us,
Because no one can.
There's no one else,
There's never been.
It's just us two.
And we're not even two,
We're really just one.
And that's when things start to feel
Especially lonely.
But maybe it will all cease when I stop living my life
Staring into the barrel of a gun.

But maybe,
We're really just one.
Only one.
No one else,
No one else but me and my hardening heart,
Never apart.
Only one.
*Just me,
And my lovely counterpart.

you push, shove
bashing my head
on the cold concrete wall
just enough times
to make me fall in love

Before meeting him,
There was a feeling that
Dominated my being
To the point that
At times,
It was crippling.
It was a feeling that constantly tugged at
The outer parts of my insides,
Always making its presence known
In the most abominable of ways.
It was a feeling that made me feel
As if I was missing someone,
Something,
So much
That it was like I was missing
A part of myself.
Like somewhere down the road,
I misplaced a very important,
Very special,
Part of me.
And then
There was this feeling in my gut
That told me I had to do
Whatever it took to get it back,
Whatever it was.
It was a feeling that made me believe
That the one thing I truly needed was
Somewhere out there,
Hiding behind some stunningly tragic
And beautifully flawed
Perfection of this mind-numbing
Human reality.

And it was,
I found it in him.

what I like most about you is
you won't let me give up

My head was rested on your chest
Your fingers intertwined in mine
Everything seemed normal again
But we were far from it
You weren't mine and I wasn't yours
We talked for hours
It was so hard to be that close to you but still know
That I did not have you
I wanted you to be mine again
I wanted the world to make sense again

You knew it would be my last moment there
You walked me out and kissed me goodbye
I didn't want to believe that this was going to be my
Last time kissing you
I got in my car and drove away
I drove away for the last time

the lump in your throat
stingy in your eyes
and maybe your nose
your vision gets blurry
but soon you can't choke
back the tears
they fall with no regret
your chest heaves
breathing in between weeps
your mouth trying to stay closed
but it can only muffle so much
before your crying floods