We’re on the cusp of adulthood and it hurts to think it all through
I feel like I just buzzed down a long narrow highway for an eternity of lifetimes in a rusty old car that I can’t figure out my feelings for.
And now I’m standing at the edge of a rocky canyon, looking down.
And holy s* I'm scared.

People keep telling me I’m a bird
But sometimes I doubt if I actually managed to grow all the feathers that are required
And oh god.
The feathers in my pillows are always whispering what-ifs about that cliff
And it makes it hard to sleep
What if… when my time here on the edge runs out… I’m not ready?
What if I can’t handle that steep free fall?

I keep getting taller
And sometimes I feel emotionally superior to other people my age.
...Until I get here.
And I’m clasped by the cold grip of fear I never imagined I'd feel.

I thought I'd run off that cliff.
I thought I'd scream through a wide open, teeth framed smile
..and jump.
But there’s so much I don’t think I understand just yet.

Theres doubt in my chest.
There’s fear in the ***** of my shoulders.
I'm constantly feeling the elephant-sized weight
Of all the decisions that could go wrong
Of all the things I can and can't control.
And sometimes I really question how much I can or should trust.

Myself. That is.

I was 3 years old
When I pretending to love this
"It'll be just a hobby"

I was 7 years old
When you told me I was good
At this game I played

I was 10 years old
When I began to love it
Just for you
And our time together

I was 13 years old
When you told me to try harder
I was a mere teen
You shouldn't have pushed it

I was 15 years old
When you told me I was awful
I cry all night
For you no longer see it

I was 17 years old
When I realized I was more
Than some silly game
That I pretended to love

"why are you so jumpy?"
because I've always been a part of the guy crowd
the one that physically fights instead of mentally
I have grown up in fear of being hit
because I have always done something wrong
I have never felt safe around you
because I know you would take it out on me
but I am not a punching bag
*I'm your daughter

How does this engulf me
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally

I'm addicted
I'm hooked

There's always something to mourn

It's easy
It's depth full

I can only feel sullen
How does this feel so uplifting
While simultaneously so crushing

I can't think straight
I can't walk straight

It's taking over
I'm sinking
And I don't want to be saved

The drops dissipate below the clouds.
Asking themselves why the sun has become transparent.

That feeling of agony,
Then comes the thunder.
In the pit of despair,
It just can’t get worse.

And then, the lightening strikes.
The cloud begins to seep into the dark,
Reaping havoc,
Moving along.
The winds hiss out in treachery.

The broken tree sinks into the forgotten.
The land lay still,
Silent in numbness,
Forever marked by the destruction of your storm.

Your eyes dilate as they stare into mine
My name trickles out of your mouth like a song
The stars align concocting your ****** structure
Lovely is all your smile can be
Arms grasping my body like hope
Water trickles down your cheek; revealing the thousands of lives you've lived
Breathing the air of subtle beauty
The sun beamed it's rays to create your shine
Twinkling lights fill your thoughts
I shall need you until the day I'm not allowed to
I will bask in your words until they cease to speak.