I remember the first time you loved me;
You wore purple because that’s your favourite color.
And we got breakfast because you love breakfast foods,
Not Italian.
You drank water; coffee makes you sick.
You pointed to some lilies because you love that flower.
And you told me you didn’t think Gatsby really loved Daisy
Because she was the reflection of all the things he wanted;
He was just pretending to be something
To impress her, you say.
And this wasn’t something I found off of google.
And you mentioned how you never wanted to travel, Except by boat,
Because airplanes are terrifying.
You hated dresses and how thick makeup feels on your face.
And NASA is interesting, but you’d rather explore the earth.
You were living with me then.
I remember the last time I loved you;
I tried finding cruise ships so we could travel
To Paris because you wanted to see Eiffel Tower and you don’t care for Spain or Egypt.
And I researched french cuisine because that’s what you liked.
And I wore blue because you liked how it brought my eyes to life.
I talked about how fascinating ocean life is
Because you majored in Marine Biolog
Like you told me on our firdate.
Murakami has dust; I read Thoreau.
Your eyes are cerulean,
And you’re gone.
Just like the man who liked Murakami and Italian food.
But I’d sell moonshine for you, sure.

This note is basically an apology note. Baby Boo I’m so sorry and I know a sorry won’t be enough but I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I’m sorry for invading your personal space. I’m sorry for making you sad. I’m sorry that you have to cry over me. I’m sorry for making you angry. Sorry for killing your peace at times. I’m sorry for not loving you enough to let you to live the way you want to. Above all I’m sorry for raising hand at you. I regret it the most.
But I promise you’d be treated better. Like you deserve to be treated. I promise I’d stop putting the baggage of my expectations over you. I’d respect your personal space. I will cause no trouble, will  throw no tantrums. I’ll make it easier for you. Cuz I really wanna be with you. I want this to last and for that I’d make efforts. I’d compromise. I can sacrifice almost anything to be with. I mean it, you’re worth every sacrifice. And not twice you’d have to regret your decision every again.

I’m sorry for failing you the very last time.❤️

Part 2: Solitary
They don’t tell you that you will have to accept that certain things are over; the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the family portrait, the idea friendships.
They don’t tell you that things can change overnight and you will have to deal with the mess and the aftermath. But they also don’t tell you that as you get older, you get better at healing, you get better at leading, you get better at facing it all without loosing your mind. You learn that life still goes on without some people. You learn that you can get caught up in a hurricane and come out of it unscathed.


They don’t tell you that growing up is a project you’ll have to work on for the rest of your life, but the good news is, you’ll always find with in you what it takes to complete that project. You’ll always find within you what it takes to do it yourself. They don’t tell you that growing up is a lot tougher than you think, but so are you.

Part 1: Solitary
Here’s what they don’t tell you about growing up. They don’t tell that at times, you will find yourself at a crossroads and you will have to count on your intuition and gut to lead you.


They don’t tell you that even if you’ll have all the signs in the world, if you don’t think a road is for you, you’ll have to walk another one alone.
They don’t tell you that sometimes you will find yourself in the middle of nowhere, living a life you didn’t wish for, doing things you said you’d never do just to make ends meet, just to survive, just to live another day.


They don’t tell you that love gets more complicated as you get older, it’s not the romance that will sweep you off your feet, it’s not the fairy tale you imagined when you were fourteen dreaming of a prince. After a few heartbreaks, your heart begins to change. You think too much before giving someone a chance, you’re always guarding your heart even when you’re falling in love, you’re always thinking about the moment they leave or the moment you have to walk away. You’re always hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. You’re always second- guessing their feelings and your own. You’re always ready to be alone again.

What is she like?
I was told—
she is a
melancholy soul.

She is like
the sun to the night;
a momentary gold.

A star when dimmed
by dawning light;
the flicker of
a candle blown.

A lonely kite
lost in flight—
someone once
had flown.

Don’t fall in love with me.
There are days when i get sad without a reason and i just stare at the ceiling with tears streaming down my face.
Don’t fall in love with me.
On those days, I don’t talk to anyone. I just burry myself in my bed and think about how I became this mess of sadness.
Don’t fall in love with me.
I will get attached to you and i will cry myself to sleep if you don’t text me good night before you go to sleep and i will convince myself that it’s because you got tired of me.
Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m too much. I will depend on you. I need attention, much more than other people. I will talk to you in metaphors and make you one. I will write poems about you and will make your sketches at 2 A.M.
Don’t fall in love with me.
I couldn’t stand you getting troubled by me. I couldn’t stand seeing the disappointment in your eyes.
Don’t fall in love with me.
I will pour everything i have left of me into you, every bit of love. Until i have nothing to give. Until I become completely empty.
Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m scared that my sadness is contagious.
Don’t fall in love with me.
I will replay your sweet words in my head when I hate myself so much that i want to die. Your words will be the only thing that make me stay.
Don’t fall in love with me.
You will live in fear. You won’t be able to leave me, because you’d know if you did, I wouldn’t have anything to live for.
Don’t fall in love with me.
Before i met you, there wasn’t a single person who could have made me stay. Your are my reason now.
Don’t fall in love with me.
Because i will fall in love with you.