That last shot,
Of whiskey,
Filled my tongue,
With the taste of you.

I stopped drinking,
Long before the thought,
Of suicide,
Filled my head.

I stopped drinking,
When images of us,
Started to creep,
Into my veins.

Darling can't you tell,
I haven't slept too well,
Since last I held,
My beautiful girl.

I'd sell my very soul,
To call you mine again.
It's been so long since I've cried,
But I'm not sure I can hold back next time.

I stopped drinking,
When the whiskey began,
To taste like you,
And the *** began to taste the same.

A sad song, a little lullaby,
To get me through another night.
I miss how your lips,
Never touched mine, a repeated process of goodnights and goodbyes.

Don't cry, for me tonight,
I'll find my way out of the dark.

I'm hallow now,
No needle to fill me up.
No more little white pills,
To hide your absence.

Take my hand one more time,
Like at that concert that one night.
When I thought he was gone, and so was she.
I thought we could make us right.

I can't take any more,
And yet you want another piece.
I've got everything you can keep.

The soft sounds of a piano,
Echoes faintly in my ears,
The keys hitting notes of melancholy,
As they speak of my greatest fears.

As the melody ignites my heart,
And sends shivers down my spine,
I'm reminded of those days,
When you were just mine.

And though it's certainly complicated,
And there's surely still a spark,
I wish for nothing more,
Than to hold your beating heart.

Please tell me girl,
Do you still dream of us too?
For now I listen only to sad songs,
That remind me of you.

The wind blew in,
On a warm march day.
Started off with rain,
Then snow in the middle of May.

Halfway to June,
I lost track of time.
somehow though,
I kept rhythm and rhyme.

It was quarter to November,
When I finally stopped to say,
Whatever happened to,
March, April and May?

I've been revisited,
By an old friend.
She sank her teeth into me,
Never let it end.

She said dear, why do you wait,
For something that can never be.
Why do you utter such words,
So very brazenly.

She said, if all those words,
Hurt like before,
Why do you stand there,
And stare at the door?

She said the darkness is loving,
Caring to the end.
So why not pull the trigger,
And be with an old friend?

So I've never written your name into my poems,
And I've never dared to dream.
Maybe you are more to me,
And I am less it seems.
No, It cannot be,
That I have become so little.
How can I be strong,
And yet be so brittle?

A million lessons learned,
In a second of desire.
As the needles draws blood,
From my wrist.
I found pleasure,
In sickness, not in health.
A millions lessons learned,
Lying in bed,
Shaking from the cold,
No one else can feel.
Days pass,
Sickness fades,
But I'll not forget,
What poison brings.

She loved fire so much
That she set herself aflame.
But as all flames do,
She burnt out too fast.

Your breath shook as you looked at me,
With hooded bedroom eyes,
And I can honestly say that in that moment,
I found my heart beating to the rhythm of your words.

I've seen my own blood,
Trickle down my wrist,
As the rush hit my heart beat
Shattered my reality.

My blood began to pour,
I think I hit an artery this time.
I want to care, I want to be scared for my life,
But the rush is all I know.

And now I feel my heartbeat slow,
Oh God, is this the end?
Am I going to die,
All for this horrid, oh so horrid, beautiful high?

My heart beat's pounding,
In ears too deaf to hear,
The words you last spoke,
To me.

All I hear is,
I don't love you,
I don't love you,
Anymore.

How long did it take,
To forget the feeling of my arms,
As you cried yourself to sleep,
Year after year?

How long after my wrists were bound,
Before you forgot all the years,
Spent with my heart,
In your bed?

How long until you decided,
Maybe my soul wasn't worth it,
Anymore?

I no longer wish to be a body,
I wish to only be a soul.
For without a body,
I may become whole.

I know now,
That it is finally time,
To move on.

You tore me apart starting with my heart
And ending in my head.
I still can't count the number of times,
I thought I'd be better off dead.

It started with your eyes,
And ended in your word.
Your smile was the perfect picture,
Your voice the sound I wish I never heard.

Somehow I thought I was too broken,
Too scarred to ever be repaired.
I never thought that love would be something,
That could cause me to be scared.

But an angel surprised me,
And took me by the hand.
Four years later,
She's made me understand.

I don't need to feel broken,
To feel someone's love.
And it's possible that,
You weren't sent from above.

Maybe you were my demons,
But she saved me from you.
And now I've found.
I'm the right one too.

I fear I've lost my wits tonight,
Left for dead on the dining room floor.
Perhaps the moonlight calls my name,
While she promises more and more.

Of all the things I could've feared,
How did it end up this?
Terrified of a girl with lilted voice,
And a silken touch and kiss.

How could my weakness become,
Someone so very vulnerable,
When I put in place measures,
To stop me from hunting for her.

I know not if this is love,
Though it certainly was before,
Yet there is a budding brilliance in,
The concept of me and her.

Can you hear the truth behind my lies,
When i say that I'm just fine.
Is it time,
For us to say our goodbyes?

Can you hear my whispers,
When you're afraid of the dark?
I love you lady,
Take that to heart.

We tried too hard,
Failed before our time,
Your words leave me,
With another white line.

I love you lady,
Misery is your name,
In the darkest reaches of my heart,
You found your fame.

Leave me here,
Just say goodbye,
I watched you leave,
And felt a piece of me die.

Oh I want you over and over again,
We are young,
We are alive.
This is another night,
Another night we are together in our minds.
And our hearts are entwined,
We are young,
And I am alive,
Because you are mine.
All because you are mine.

Girl I'll show you my nightmare,
My shattered dreams end without you,
And yet I'm still alive.

Girl I'll show you a nightmare,
A world where you don't care,
Where your heart was never mine,
Where we're lost again in time.

And Girl I'll show you a dream,
Where your heart is mine.
And my life begins with you,
Time after time.

Father, how do I begin,
To detail my life of sin.
How do I express my sorrow,
For atrocities I've committed.

I've stolen from my loved ones,
And took away her heart,
I've committed sins most grievous,
And I don't know where to start.

I was deeply entrenched in adultery,
With a powerful chemical love,
And I doubt a few hail Marys,
Will bring me forgiveness from above.

Perhaps a few our fathers,
And a sacrifice of my soul,
May give me the peace I'm searching for,
And finally make me whole.

Oh father, how do I say,
I've got ****** on my mind,
But should I pursue my desires,
There'll be no saving me in time.

Oh father how might I repent,
For sins against those loved by me.
Oh father how do I reach forgiveness,
With only a few hail Marys?

I remember how,
Your lips tasted the first time.
And how your tongue ran,
Across my teeth, begging to get in.

I remember how,
Your hips felt like Heaven beneath my fingers,
And how your fingers,
Wrapped in my hair.

I remember how sweet my words felt,
As I love you slid from my tongue.
And how you smiled,
And whispered it back to me so sincerely.

I remember how it felt,
When I first saw you cry.
And how broken you looked,
When I started too.

Now I hate that you're leaving,
And I've got to find my way.
But chances are that can't happen,
No matter what we say.

So I guess I'll have to travel,
Leave this world behind.
And hope that I'll still have you,
When there's little hope to find.

They said I couldn't fix you,
And I kept silent,
But when they said I couldn't save you,
I made up my mind,
Knowing that I would die trying.

I'll be seeing all my friends tonight,
The ones I thought left me behind.
Nothing makes me feel secure,
Like I did with them at my side.

Its been nearly two years,
Seven hundred and thirty days,
Countless needles shed,
And infinite milligrams consumed.

I just hope tonight,
No one asks me how I'm doing.
I don't know if I can lie away this time.

Warmer times and colder hearts,
Lost ourselves in times apart.
I never thought Id see the day,
You fell right out of me.

Couldn't make this easy,
Leaving you behind.
Lost myself in blue orbs,
And light brown lines.

I can't say I've fallen,
Nor risen too far.
But Id rather stay here,
Than get lost in the stars.

I never let you go,
Never left you behind,
Found myself in blue orbs,
And longer lines.

I never let you go,
I'll never let you leave.
But make it easy for me girl,
And just let me breathe.

She is the whiskey in my drink,
That keeps me warm on winter nights,
That first cigarette I smoke,
After a long night asleep.

She is that first breath,
After a deep dive,
That first kiss,
On summer nights.

She's my glance up at the stars,
The reason I still dream,
My prayer to God in heaven,
My sole reason for being.

She's my belief in something more,
Thanks just me and this life,
My reason for breathing,
My greatest delight.

She is all of this and so much more,
She's her own wonderful girl.
She's everything I ever needed,
And she's so, so much more.

I fought so hard for that first kiss,
That I was nearly frozen when,
I found you wanted more,
Than just my lips.

Oh, love, I forgot how it felt,
To run my hands alone your skin,
Or how alluring you can be,
When your breath comes in gasps.

I had your hair wrapped in my fingers,
And my teeth at the hollow of your throat.
You had your hands locked on my face,
While our hearts beat in rhythm.

I never imagined our reunion,
Would be in the seat of your car,
Or that you'd stop me,
Before I got too far.

You told me there needs to be a reason,
That I'll want you again,
But darling you couldn't imagine,
How sorely I want in.

I'll be your alpha and omega,
The beginning to a beautiful end,
If you'll just stay here with me,
My most intimate friend.

I'll crawl into your body,
Settle deep within your bones,
You'll need an autopsy,
To dredge me from my new home.

They'll all tell stories,
Of the kind of love we have,
If you'll just stay with me girl,
We could forget our ****** past.

I am Hell,
When the fires form my hands,
And gasoline spits from the veins,
I tried so hard to sew back together,
With an old syringe, needle bent and bloodied.

I am Hell,
When my eyes turn to coal,
And I breathe sulfur into your lungs.

I am Hell,
I've been burning for so long.
I am the pit,
Bloodied with the souls of the ******.
A lake of fire burning the clouds tonight.

And somehow you are Heaven,
With your blue eyes and innocence,
And the way you say God, when you barely believe.

You are Heaven,
In that tight red dress.

You are Heaven,
As we share my bed.

Somehow you're still Heaven,
Though your innocence is gone.
And somehow I'm still Hell,
When my intentions all go wrong.

I no longer look
When I cross the road.
I only close my eyes and pray
That maybe this will be the day.

I hope to hear the sound
Of screeching tires and breaks,
Before my body hits the windshield
And I am filled with pain.

I hope to hear the sirens
And the tinkling of glass,
When my body hits the ground
At long, long last.

I pray there is no heaven
And certainly no hell,
For either would be filled with memories
I certainly can live without.

I wish only for oblivion
A darkness so complete,
That it fills my heart with yearning
And teases my soul with defeat.

I no longer look before the crosswalk
For my time will come so soon,
And I never look to see if you're watching
Before I leave the room.

My hands are shaking cold,
There's far too much,
That I don't know.

Your warm embrace brought me calm,
Warmed me from the cold,
And now the nights aren't so lonely,
Knowing you're still around.

I've got a taste on my tongue,
That burns with regret,
For all the words I kept hidden,
For all I could've said.

I told you I'm sorry,
For all the time we lost,
And that I need to fix the damage,
My actions had caused.

It's funny how all the nightmares,
I had all of those nights,
Were swept away in seconds,
At seeing my hearts delight.

Now time is moving slowly,
With each passing second all alone,
And I hope the warmth will come again,
And take away the cold.

I no longer wish to be a body,
I wish to only be a soul.
For without a body,
I may become whole.

She smelled of lilacs,
And summer rain,
Of freedom of youth,
Of love and pain.

He looked as if she,
Were the sun, the moon and stars,
As though the universe spun,
Only around her.

She danced as though life,
Could end at any moment,
And kissed as though,
He was the air entering her lungs.

But she was the air he breathed,
The blood flowing through his veins,
And her laughter was the rhythm,
That set his heart to beat.

I lust for your body when,
I lie alone late at night,
My mouth salivates at the thought,
Of your heavy taste.

I cannot say enough,
How hungry the symmetry of your hips,
Make me feel,
Or how beautiful you really are.

I nearly cried that night,
You told me you had died.
I mourned for a world,
That could have never known your presence again.

I must say that I would have surely,
Been driven by insatiable hunger,
And a darkness that would fill me inside,
To follow you into the great unknown.

For a world without my dearest,
Is a place I surely cannot be,
Nor would I find myself able,
To even find the strength to breathe.

I pray to God,
That if I died right now,
The devil wouldn't find me,
Until I'm on holy ground.

I pray I'd pass,
Through those pearly gates,
Before they realize,
They made a horrid mistake.

I hope they won't,
Smell all of my sin on me,
That there's an error in the books,
And they just let me be.

Maybe I'd see your face,
And hold you for a while,
Before they learn that,
I am the worst of liars.

Maybe I'll have a few moments,
Where we are one again,
Before I face an eternity,
Of pain and suffering.

I've told so many lies,
Just to keep myself sane.
I've lied to people,
Just to keep away the pain.

I can tell you anything,
With whatever expression you need to see.
And I can always, at the drop of a hat,
Be whoever I have to be.

I know everyone around me,
And all of the cracks they try to hide.
But my guilded tongue,
Finds them every time.

I could tell you everything,
That you never wanted to hear.
And honestly after,
I wouldn't be any worse for wear.

I get no ball in the pit of my gut,
No butterflies eating me inside.
When I call you out on your secrets,
Those ***** things you try and hide.

You'd call me the Devil,
But truth to tell,
The Devil is honest,
Even in Hell.

It'd be closer to the truth,
If you called me a snake.
But I've no second skin,
So you can't call me fake.

Call me human,
That's all you can do.
And next time you ask me,
I won't lie to you.

I have to say the world has changed,
Since I was twelve years old.
For now I've got travel marks, scars,
And the best of stories to be told.

My feet have become the wheels,
That bring me on the ride of my life.
But somehow there's no reverse,
No brake, no end to strife.

I can't go back, I cannot stop,
This vehicle needs a change.
For ofttimes my heart beats fast,
And sometimes it's quite strange.

Even when I sleep at night,
Rest my weary head,
I know I'm in a constant line,
Straight to the land of dead.

So I'll live my life as I see fit,
Never again be told.
For I've read my story once before,
In the stories of old.

Still my beating heart this time,
Stop my breath before I speak.
My eyes are growing heavy,
My knees have gone weak.

Close your fist around my throat,
Cease the flow of blood to my brain.
Your presence drove me crazy,
But your absence made me insane.

I cannot sleep in the dark of night,
Whenever I rest my weary head.
My mind stays fixated on,
Those last words that she said.

Someone please send me a prayer,
That it will all end tonight.
I pray to god for a car crash,
That may bring darkness to the light.

Come here darling,
Bleed with me.
Let's sit awhile,
So silently.

Just rest your weary head on me,
As I breathe in your soul.
Lose yourself in times long gone,
Your presence made me whole.

I feel you coursing through my veins,
You're like ****** for the sane.
Your visage lit up my whole world,
You lovely, beautiful girl.

We could sit around,
Like any Friday night,
Making empty promises,
Of staying around this time.

But I stopped drinking,
When the scotch started,
To taste like you.

But you were so seductive,
When you touched your lip to mine,
And asked me if I wanted,
One more drink before the war.

So I started drinking,
And I tasted you on my skin,
While you held me tightly,
And slowly let me in.

I bounced around your rib cage,
And you held tightly to my heart.
I must have said the wrong things,
Because soon you were gone.

I should have stopped drinking,
Long before the scotch,
Began to taste like you.

But you were so insistent,
And you know I can't deny,
Any of your pleasures,
On any Friday night.

My mouth waters when I think of you,
My tongue is blanketed with the taste of mud.
I bite my lip to **** the taste,
And coat my mouth in blood.

Couldn't we just leave things the way they were,
I just want you coursing through my veins,
But no one understands My ******* thirst,
For such enlightening pains.

Can I stay in this moment,
Forever frozen in time,
Lost in the fantasy,
That you're still mine.

I'm sorry my darling,
I'm trying so hard not to cry,
As your arms wrap around me,
In the freezing cold night.

My fingers are grasping,
At the jacket on your back.
Your body is warm as you press into me,
And I whisper those words, oh I am so sorry.

We part after a moment,
And the seconds are gone,
Oh how I wish I could stay in your embrace,
Right where I belong.

Baby it's so cold,
And I just hope you're warm.
When the snow falls just know,
I'm not alright.

I say I'm fine and no,
I don't want to talk about it.
Can this cigarette just,
Flood cancer through my cells.

I'm living a waking nightmare,
And I can't seem to wake.
I pray to God. Please,
My soul is yours to take.

The beating of your heart,
Became my anthem long before,
The rhythmic rush of blood in my ears,
Dulled the sound.

I watched the sun rise,
Without you.
I fell asleep,
In an empty bed.

I'm fighting through each second,
I'm forced to be awake.
This pain has become so haunting,
And I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Sleep has become a pleasure,
A reprieve from life itself,
Though my dreams often leave me,
With memories I sorely miss.

Now it seems I lost my heart,
Somewhere along the line,
But if you'd ask me how I'm doing,
I'd tell you that I'm just fine.

I wouldn't tell you how I often wish,
That I'd wake up dead,
Nor would you ever hear of the sadness,
That always fills my head.

You'd never hear how I died inside,
When I learned that we me never be,
Or just how haunting,
My dreams are to me.

Nor would you ever hear me say,
I would sell my very soul,
To have you as my own forever,
For you to once more be my girl.

There were old pictures,
In a box with my effects,
From a time just before,
Society made me pay my debts.

I was gone for years,
Haunted by dreams of your lips,
And the memory of,
These felonious hands upon your hips.

Oh I never thought that,
The ***** pictures you sent,
Could bring back a heart,
So broken and bent.

Flaming hair from a bottle,
Your soul from the same,
But in the end can I really,
Be the only one to blame?

I don't know if I lost you,
Or if I loved you before,
But my heart beats in wonder,
If your heart still needs more.

Take these memories from me,
Throw them way out to sea.
Kiss my lips and let me sleep,
For all eternity.

I won't be calling,
I swear I won't write.
I promise I'm falling,
Into eternal sleep tonight.

Whisper your lies in my ear,
Tell me you love me on last time.
Hold me tightly and promise,
You'll always be mine.

Your velvet words fill my dreams,
With a longing of your touch.
Your words ring circles in my ears,
Now I love you far too much.

It's funny how,
At the greatest point in my life,
I wish for the taste of,
Gunpowder, steel and my blood on my lips.

May I lay my life to fate,
For golden curls on a girl,
Named Kate.

Accidents happen,
Injuries arise,
May I staunch your wound,
As I stare into your eyes?

How did this happen,
Punishment gone awry.
Mayhaps my luck,
May have risen high.

How do I approach this,
To try and gain,
Your heart and your smile,
While I stave off my pain.

Perhaps she'll enfold me,
And I'll find my way,
Into her heart,
Where I may just stay.

Eight years without you,
Bed so cold without you here,
Please come back to me.

It's funny how the taste of,
******,
Reminds me of,
You.

Bring me back to the days,
When I could pop a pill,
And feel alright.

Bring me back to the,
Good ol' days when,
****** was real.

Bring me back that rush,
That feeling that God,
Had laid his hands on me.

Bring me back to times,
When I could hide behind,
A needle and a few bags.

Though life is far better,
I miss it like a drunk,
Misses his seat at the bar.