She's thunderstorms and rain,
To your calm and sunny days.
She's the reason my ship sank,
To your open port in a storm.

Even with you gone,
So many miles away,
I can still feel the warmth,
Of your sunny days.

Sometimes it's raining,
Even when you're with me.
But I promise to keep you dry,
In this stormy sea.

She is thunderstorms and rain,
that cleared away all my sunny days,
But you've dried up all the water,
She left from rainy may.

Darling I can tell you haven't slept,
Much since that last cup of tea.
I remember you saying it burnt like tequila,
And now I know why.

Darling I see the scars you cut,
In the space between your heart and your soul.
I know how it hurts,
To have them separated so.

But darling I can't help with your wounds,
I know so little of how to heal,
Self made wounds, though I have one to match,
I didn't make the incision, though I held the knife.

Darling you cut me so deep,
I think I lost my soul.
But sadly I still have my heart,
Scarred from the incision you made.

Darling can't you tell me,
You're still innocent inside.
Please baby, whisper you'll be fine.

I know you're sick,
And you feel your skin stretch.
But I'd tear off my own skin,
To make you feel beautiful once again.

I hear it in your voice,
See it in your eyes,
Each bite fills you up,
And prepares you to die.

And you just kept purging,
And somehow I didn't know.
I'd sell my soul for less,
Than to just make you whole.

I miss your smile,
Before you found your taste.
Baby please rethink it all,
You know not what you waste.

Now please don't cry,
Take my shoulder while I sing a lullaby,
So you can sleep,
And feel beautiful in your own skin.

I thought you were ******,
But you taste like *******.
The way you make my heart beat,
And my tears fall like rain.

I thought you'd be the flower,
I'd pick and you'd be mine.
But I got lost somewhere between,
Jealousy and fine.

Sadly it'll never happen,
You'll never share my bed,
So I'll just have to load this needle,
In the place where you could rest your head.

And it feels like rain,
When you've had too much to drink,
And you can't fall asleep at night.

Take a pill or two,
For that hangover,
You'll have when you wake up.
Cause darling, I miss you so **** much.

And it feels like rain,
When you cry from all the laughter,
That's pouring from their mouths.

And it feels like rain,
When you tie the knot,
And prepare to jump.

But darling, wait.
The sun comes up,
In the early morning,
You just have to get through the night,
When it feels like rain.

You know I've fought sadness,
And the madness of despair,
I've broken my own body,
And I know I am prepared.

I've taken on my demons,
Fought and lost the war.
But something still binds me kindly,
Knowing I'll be around for sure.

I've felt the highs and lows,
That come with drugs and love.
I've felt the ***** of needles,
And the warmth of that rush.

I've known times so maddening,
I thought perhaps Id die.
Sadly there's a plan for me,
And I know naught why.

My body keeps on breathing,
My hearts beats shakenly.
I feel the darkness coming,
But somehow you light the way.

There's love in a needle,
A feeling so profound,
That I've come to you with sadness,
And left feeling proud.

I don't know why it happens,
But I know I've lived too long.
Give me my old sadness,
And calming of this song.

I was taught at a young age,
To watch what bridges I burn.
But something daddy didn't know,
Was that creating them can be just as destructive,
As setting them aflame.

No need to pray,
No need to speak.
No need for thoughts,
In the Ocean deep.

Just breathe in, breathe in,
Your consciousness is waning.
Your confidence is praying,
Your confidant prepared to stay.

Your heart is throbbing,
Your breath is wavering.
No need to pray,
The Ocean is taking you over,
Again.

Another wave upon my shores,
No more need for open doors.
Take a step into the shallows.
Prepare to leap from high atop,
The gallows.

Another step brings you closer to,
The Ocean edge is dropping still.
Another sip is all it takes,
To fall into Hell's open gates.

And fires beat upon the shores,
The Oceans waves are no more.
But still these waves beat me down,
Into the fires below the ground.

And we are the lost generation,
The end of time is all we wait on.
And still we think we are good.
You fool, you fool, you're breathing still.

On and on passes time,
Leaving us swiftly behind.
And still we wait for our last chance,
To close the doors on our romance.

To my bed I pull you slowly,
To the gallows waiting behind me.
Lay your head upon my pillow,
As the noose tightens, I close the window.
I watch you drop from up on high,
To the Ocean's depths we rise.
And we are drowning, though we stand,
I welcome you with open hands.

You'll sit with me upon the bedside,
Waiting til we all die.
Though poison tastes like honey and wine,
The antidote is hard to find.

And so we are the forgotten youth,
Laid to waste by father's troops.
And though their bullets make us bleed,
We trudge on through the widow's weave.

Through mud and blood we find our place,
Lost in our ***** tastes.
I thought that maybe we could find,
Peace hidden deep inside.

But still the monks say we must wait,
Lost inside this burning place.
And Father stands upon the shore,
Hoping we shall open the door.

Though Heaven's full,
We'll make our place,
Lost into this burning face,
And still I find you hurting still,
My heart and soul have had their fill.

So take up my razor,
And skin my flesh.
Leave no more, no nothing left.
Peel my skin, my flesh, my bone.
And leave me a rotting soul.

For Father stands upon these gates,
Hell burning across his face.
And the Ocean will take none unto,
The depths will have us rotting soon.

So float back down,
And swim inside.
I know you know,
I've got much to hide.

But with my flesh, my bone and sinew,
Know that I have forgotten you.
And hope that one day you'll find,
A casket burning with me inside.

I found Heaven,
From first I kissed her lips,
But I lost myself,
In a needle and a bag.

A little pill drove the pain away,
And a bag brought me false paradise,
And these four walls held me tightly,
As I sweat it all out inside.

And steel bars and concrete walls,
Kept me away from you,
When the ****** finally,
Left my veins.

Now it's been four months,
And I've held Heaven in my arms again,
But I can't yet call her mine,
Though I haunt her dreams at night.

And it'll be four more months,
Before I might fall asleep with her by my side,
And repeatedly I dream of memories,
That make me want to run, to hide.

For all the years we spent together,
I'm surprised how much we each,
Dance around the phrase,
I love you.

It's as though we play a game,
Where the first to fall back,
In love loses,
But I lost a long time ago.

I've let you lead the way,
And make your moves,
Before I plan out mine,
This time around.

I've let you do all the talking,
And tell me all the things you've done,
Before I tell you,
Stories of my own.  

You keep apologizing profusely,
And I keep dreaming of you.
As I wait for the next time,
We dance around I love yous.

How does it feel to get lost in my head?
Planting flowers for the long past dead,
They say they know what it tastes like,
But they couldn't learn to like you if they tried.

Another down,
I'm feeling it this time.
Nearly too numb to feel you,
But too numb to breathe.

This static love is killing me,
Like star crossed lovers, and Destiny.

Like a knife,
You can't cut too deep.

Do you know what it's like?
To feel too numb, to feel too numb to feel?
These lines leave me nothing,
But your face again.

Heaven seems a long dead star,
Hell is just another friend.
Sometimes I wonder,
If I'll ever see this end.

I'm nearly too numb to feel you,
Already too numb to breathe.
But another pill is nothing like,
The pain you've achieved.

I'll compare you to the full moon,
That pulls and pushes the tides.
You are the rain that quenches thirst,
Of a million lavender poppies.
And how I'd like to taste,
The sweet smoke of excess,
That burns behind your lips.
To taste the flowers kindly,
I'll dream of pods and petals tonight.

She awakes from twisted dreams,
To find love nestled,
Between crossing streams.

Earth will not know tranquility,
Until everything made from men,
Is buried deep, drowning beneath the sea.

I'd like nothing more,
Than to wear your meat around my soul.
To watch the skin melt from your bones,
And turn your body to ashes.

I'd like nothing more,
Than to breathe in Your pain,
And heaven will find you,
Dancing in the rain.

I deleted all our photographs,
Left nothing in my wake,
But as I clicked delete all,
I swear I thought that I would break.

Five short years,
Gone in the blink of an eye,
I swear I'd sell my soul,
To never have had to say goodbye.

I miss your kiss,
And your touch,
I miss hearing I love you,
Far too much.

I wish I could find a needle,
To replace the void you left in me,
But they'd cart me away again,
And I'd be left so empty.

I wish there could be a little ******,
To ease the pain of our demise,
I wish I could hold you softly,
As I whisper my goodbyes.

Would it be a sin,
If I used just a little too much?
Could I enter Heaven,
If I **** myself tonight?

You asked me why I love you,
And a million and one reasons came to mind,
But what I really wanted to say was that no one,
Will ever look at me the way you do,
And no one will ever calm the pain I feel in my soul,
Quite the same way you do.

It's been nearly a month,
And I've spent more nights drunk,
Than I have in the last year,
Just so I can sleep at night.

Dad I wish you were here,
So you could see me clean,
And know that everything,
Would be alright in the end.

I overdosed yesterday,
And I swear on your grave,
The one I will never see,
That I prayed to you that everything would be alright.

I didn't pray to God,
If he even exists,
I prayed to you,
That I wouldn't black out.

I prayed that Raquel wouldn't,
Have to bury me,
That you'd keep me awake,
Long enough for the ****** to leave my body.

I wanted to die,
I swear to all I love I wanted that black abyss,
No heaven, no hell,
Just darkness.

I say I swear to God,
But I don't know if I believe anymore,
All I know is that I couldn't die,
Because now I have reasons to live.

****, I nearly went out the way I wanted,
Still young and high on dope.
But the thought of you kept me awake,
In the hospital parking lot.

I prayed mom didn't have to know,
Not that I'd care if the dope had done its job.
But the thought of dying in my sleep,
Made me puke.

Come on Dad,
I know you've no body to come back to,
Now that they've turned you to ashes,
But **** all if you didn't fight your way back to us.

It's been nearly a month,
And I've been drunk more times than I can count,
Just so I can sleep,
And not forget you.

I saw you today,
No makeup, a lovely photograph.
Your voice rang bells through my head,
And kick--started my heart.
(Tell me darling, everything will be alright.)

I thought I needed you again,
Just another fix my friend.
Like a needle to my vein,
You shot sunlight to my heart.

Now I've come down again,
And you're nowhere to be seen.
And I'm strung out,
Like a ****** in a new town.

We had lunch,
Two friends and him again,
Company I wouldn't keep,
If I could swallow you like a pill.

Muddy brown,
Eyes like a fresh filled syringe.
And now that I've had you,
I've restarted my binge.

Beautiful, your anxious eyes,
Make me see home again.
I hope I never have to live without you,
Not again, oh darling, bring me in.

Beautiful, your nervous laughter,
Reminds me of times long past.
Take my hand, hold me tight,
Kiss me lightly, love me fast.

Why not one more night,
Why not one more time?
Just one kiss goodbye,
Love me sweet, make you mine.

And my word's can't bring you in,
I can't write you home.
So I'll just keep writing,
And let my heart roam.

Why not one more night,
Why not one more time?
Just one kiss goodbye,
Love me sweet, love tonight.

You know I've felt misery,
When I held my brother as he cried.
Screaming for our father,
As mom watched through tear filled eyes.

You know I felt happiness,
When I watched him move up,
Into middle school,
Already on his way to being a man.

You know I feel sadness,
Each night as I lie down to sleep.
I don't know how to be a father,
To a boy half my age.

I do not understand,
Why fate made everything happen this way,
But let me tell you this burden,
Is mine to pay.

I'll do what I must,
To make sure he grows up right,
Even if I have to,
Give up my own life.

You are the cigarette I smoke,
After the needle finds my vein.
The comfort in sleep so profound,
I thought I'd never awake again.

I've never really thought of,
Suicide as anything but poetic.
Your face being the last thing he saw,
As he dropped the photograph and loaded his gun.

But lately I've been thinking,
That perhaps that's not the way.
I always said when I die,
It'll be because I had a say.

Now I'm thinking,
I want it to be random.
A car crash or a bullet,
And not a word from your lips.

Lately I've been thinking,
That maybe a razor is not the way.
Maybe a gunshot,
Is too violent for me.

But what could be too violent,
For a man who loves words?
When I've read your little poems,
And known that Love is War.

Nothing could be more violent,
Than the way you held my hand.
While knowing I was nothing,
I just can't understand.

So I suppose my death will be random,
But why can't I have a say?
If when you die is predetermined,
Then why die in any other way?

I wish I had digested those butterflies,
You gave to me that day.
Rather than allowing them,
To flutter and have their say.

Oh I wish I had looked at your,
Wrists so scarred and fragile.
And known that my soul,
Would look like your forearms one day.

I wish I had told my beating heart,
To flutter and to die.
For now it beats at half the pace,
From when I first looked you in the eye.

Oh how I wish I had turned around,
Not looked upon the door.
For had I not seen you enter,
I'd have lived much more.

How, oh how I wish,
I had merely kept on reading.
Rather than watch, with laboring breath,
As you spoke your name to the class.

Oh how I wish I had never heard your name,
Or seen the scars upon your wrist.
For had I merely kept on breathing,
I'd know not what became amiss.

God knows I've tried not to notice,
As the ninth comes around.
It has been five months of,
Alcohol and ****** to fill your absence.

I still remember what it feels like,
To have you hug me and say that everything is okay.
And I can still hear your voice at night.

You have no idea how much I have spent,
To try to erase the pain I feel inside.
You fell asleep one last time,
And a part of me went when you died.

I won't shed another tear,
No, I won't cry again.
I swear I won't cry,
Except maybe one last time.

I shake as I clench my cigarette,
Burning between *******.
I shake as tears cascade around me,
The taste of liquor my only friend.

I shake as I aim for the shot,
Hoping the ****** will stop my heart this time.
I see blood mix and push the plunger down,
This high is my only friend.

It has been five months without you dad,
But I feel as if has only been a day.
I still feel you cold skin beneath my fingers,
And wish death could have stayed away.

I bite my lip and prepare to jump,
In my literary suicide.
I've got my diary scrawled over my heart,
And I've got nothing left to hide.

I'm an addict for your love,
But you don't exist.
We live in a world,
Of spelling errors and misprints.

So take your pen,
And sign your name on my soul.
Give me one last kiss,
Please, just to make me whole.

Tie the knot,
And kick the chair from under me.
This poem is all about,
Me just trying to let you be.

Here's to hoping for another night,
Spent alone, I'm not alright.
This sedation feeds me another pill,
When will my brain have it's fill?

Another *****,
And it's joyous gains.
Pull back,
And watch blood taint,
The liquid gold inside my heart,
I wish i could close my eyes,
And just depart.

It's in my veins, my heart, my brain,
Another rush to make me insane.
But i close my eyes and go to sleep,
In hope that death will finally keep.

Should i wake through the night,
Darling tell me everything is alright.
Hand me my rig, my spoon and cotton,
So I can remember what I've forgotten.

These are the words we speak,
When pillow talk isn't enough.
I never knew you could be so weak,
Like a schoolboys words, as he tries to be rough.

In these gallows I found home,
A deadly game of love to me,
You're everything I'm not,
Everything I hoped I could be.

So I'll sing my songs
In hope your heart hears them while you sleep.
And I'll poison your dreams,
In hope my words will bury deep.

I can say im heaven sent,
An angel of despair.
I am more than anything,
You could ever hope to bare,

You took a piece of my heart,
That night you looked back at me,
And our eyes met,
But you took his hand and I let it be.

I read your poem again last night,
Trying so **** hard,
To tell if it was about me,
Like mine are all about you.

I cried myself to sleep last night,
Thinking of how you share his bed.
I couldn't think of us together,
Now these thoughts are stuck in my head.

I wished upon a Star,
That he and I could trade lovers.
And you and I could do nothing,
More than lie down and hold each other.

But I suppose my story,
Won't end in a happy way.
But I wish you never leave me,
I just hope you stay.

I guess it doesn't matter,
If you kiss him goodnight.
I'm used to feeling,
Like I'll never be right.

Tell me it's the air you breathe,
That's got me hooked like this,
Tell me I've stopped my lungs,
And detoxed from the air I missed.
Now life keeps coming my way,
Another night, another ******* day.
Long drives and headlights,
Just for a fix,
Baby tell me it's just the ******* air I miss.

The time of day is now,
When I feel that itch beneath my skin.
And every second hurts,
When I'm not filled with sin.

But continuously isn't in my vocabulary,
Just like the color of your soul.
But sometimes I get trapped,
In a world that'll never be whole.

I can't say I'd falter,
If you offered me your name.
But if I had to sell my soul,
The devil knows it would be for fame.

It's not the kind you think,
Where you'd see my face on every channel.
But God knows I wouldn't stop,
If I could put your head up on my mantle.

The fire would roar,
And I'd soon watch your face begin to melt.
But I would never be rid of,
Those feelings that I have felt.

I thought the scars were gone,
I couldn't believe you disappeared.
You took everything I loved,
And left everything I feared.

This story was all over,
Until you came back around.
I should've left you buried,
Like a body six feet underground.

It was never enough,
For me to love you like this.
I filled my heart with your whispers,
And yearned for your kiss.

I am immortal,
While I wish I could die.
Rip out my heart,
As you look me in the eyes.

Bury me down,
Deep, far away from this world.
I am nothing,
A body with no soul.

So love me forever,
If only forever could be.
I dream of the day,
You fall in love with me.

I never thought I'd be,
Such a disappointment to you.
Sixteen years flushed down the drain,
You leaving hit me like the proverbial train.

I wish I had waited,
Til you left to get my fix.
I should've known that you and morphine,
Were the worst combinations to mix.

You asked me how it felt,
To have a needle in my vein.
You, my oldest friend,
Should understand it takes away all my pain.

You couldn't take seeing my blood,
Filling up the syringe.
Or the look on my face,
As I started my binge.

Goodbye my oldest friend,
I'll miss you to the last.
Not a night will go by,
Where I don't think of our past.

My heart started to rot,
In eighth grade spanish class,
That moment you danced into the room,
A spotlight on your smile.

I say it started to rot,
For it knew I will never know your love.
But what's the difference,
Between misery and ever after?

My heart began to rot,
When you took my hand and ran.
Rain pounding down,
Cascading around the halo on your head.

I say it started to rot,
For I knew then you loved me too.
But what's the difference,
Between having him or having me?

My heart began to rot when I saw his smile,
And I knew mine would never compete.
And how his hand fit with yours,
While you held him to your breast.

My heart began to rot,
Oh so long ago.
And now there is nothing more,
Than darkness where you once were.

In the beginning,
I blamed naught but you.
And somehow i thought,
You never thought of me too.

Somewhere in the middle,
I got lost in between,
Believing you wanted nothing,
But friendship it seems.

In the end I was wrong,
Yet there's nothing left.
I'm a wolf in sheeps clothing,
And you've seen nothing yet.

I know we all give up on,
Lost causes when the time's up.
But my heart keeps beating,
Knowing that we will make it through.

You could keep me honest,
You could keep me from everything,
Everything that makes me self destructive.
You could keep me from setting myself aflame.

I know that everything is messed up,
Waiting for the sound of the gong,
To dance around my head,
Keeping my heartbeat sound.

And I know I keep *******,
Everything up time and time again,
But I promise I'll be here,
If only you'll be here with me.

I know I'm a mess,
I don't need the sight of,
A needle or a drop of my blood,
To tell me that.

Maybe I need a few pills,
To keep me alive,
Or maybe you'll be the,
****** I need tonight.

Maybe you're the rush,
Baby you're the rush,
I keep on postponing,
Keep on putting off the question.

But give me one more shot,
Give me one more *****,
One more rush and I promise,
I'll ask for just one more each time.

Colorful lies,
Pastels the color of your lips,
On mine.

Colorful eyes,
Pastels the color of your lips,
Without mine.

Narcotic sleep so sound,
I thought We'd wake deep under ground.
And your colorful lies,
Don't make me see home no more.

No, no more.

It's been a while,
Since I've slept so soundly.
My head is filled with thoughts,
Suicidal, so profoundly.

So don't tell me to put it down,
This razor feels so comfortable.
Like your colorful eyes,
And the pastels that bleed from the hole made by this,
Needle again.

No, don't tell me to put it down.
I've got my rig filled with sweet,
Oh so sweet, salt filled morphine.

And I've gotten my spoon and cotton,
Held together by the tourniquet,
That holds together my veins each night.

And your colorful eyes,
Fill my rig each time,
The needle finds a vein.

And pastel colors,
Fall like rain down staircases,
Beautiful close your eyes and lips this time,
You're just too jaded, far too wasted.

So I guess I'll bring you home,
Crawl under the covers,
And watch your colorful eyes,
Close one last time.

I guess I'll watch them close just one last,
Oh just one last ******* time.
And I'll hold your hand,
Just hold your hand in mine.

As I watch your colorful eyes,
Close just one last time.
I'll hold your hand,
I'll hold your hand in mine.

It seems my demons find me,
When I am all alone.
And they fill the room around me,
Hurting me to the bone.

They know every lie I tell,
And know that morphine is my disease,
So they leave me with a needle,
A tickle and a tease.

For some odd reason,
I could never be too sure.
They leave me nothing to fill it,
But always leave me wanting more.

And somehow I find a way,
To fill my veins with blue.
When all I'm doing always,
Is filling the holes left from you.

And gold keeps paying for my habit,
But stops me from living a dream.
Keeps me just so lucid,
To destroy another beam.

And with each I crack into,
Takes me down from my support.
Until there is nothing left,
No, nothing but rapport.

So I tie off just one more time,
And pick up my larger rig.
As the needle pierces skin,
My own ****** grave, I dig.

I'm a grain of sand,
Beneath the soles of a prophet,
In the desert of time,
Insignificant, yet...infinite.

Lost,
Time flowing smoothly,
Unstoppable, a force to reckon,
The sun pounding the prophet's back.

I am the book,
Hidden in his satchel,
That tells him to just,
Take another step.

Parched lips speak prayers,
Ignorant in my ears.
Beams shone upon him,
He is enlightened.

To speak to God.
How mighty it must be.

Where did he go tonight?
Please say he's gone for good.
I'll wrap my arms around you,
Just to love you like he never could.

Please say you remember,
That night we sat in my car,
And talked for hours,
Before I carried you home.

Please say you remember,
How your hand fit to mine.
How your arms wrapped so gently,
Around my neck.

Please say it.

Please, just one more time.

Tell me he's gone,
Tell me his blood's on the walls,
For all I care.

Just so I can take his place,
Where I belong.
I hear his voice,
Where did we go wrong?

I wish he could feel,
The scars you've cut into me.
And I just wish,
That he would leave.

And angels taste like morphine,
Like the salt formed on your lips.
The peak brings pleasure,
I know I shouldn't miss.

But days go by,
And sober thoughts turn to suicide,
I just cut another line,
To make my depression hide.

Higher than before,
Kissed her lips and wanted more.
I fell farther than I thought,
Into a hole I'll never leave.

But another *****,
And that rush it brings,
Takes away the pain,
Of you and all your things.

Is it so early,
That you can't utter hello?
No more aspirations,
Of Heaven above, Or Hell below?

Too much time has passed,
Since we last spoke.
Your voice was my melody,
Your words, the song we wrote.

I suppose you couldn't listen,
To my dying benediction.
You're the needle in my arm,
The ****** to my addiction.

But ****, I can't sleep with you gone,
Something akin to a clear head.
And I hate every second,
When it's 3 a.m. and I'm lying in bed.

****, I guess it's over,
We're all said and done.
And I feel like I've lost,
While you say that you won.

I don’t know how to save me,
And I know I’ll never be alive,
But there’s something about you baby,
That makes me wanna try.

Day by day,
Night by night,
I fake a smile,
And put out delight.

I know I’ll never be alive,
And I know I’ll never love again,
So I hold out for you baby,
And I learn how to bend.

On one knee I pray to God,
That there will never be an end.
But I know someday baby,
I’ll just be another forgotten trend.

Day by day,
Night by night,
I fake a smile,
And put out delight.

I know I’ll never be alive,
I know my heart’ll never beat again,
So I hold out for you baby,
And I learn how to bend.

I wait until the darkness comes,
And puts out the light,
And then my friendly stranger shows,
Such a wonderful delight.

He smiles and he laughs again,
But I know he’s just a fake.
Because he’s riding a white horse,
And he’s strung out for God’s sake.

Day by day,
Night by night,
I fake a smile,
And put out delight.

I know I’ll never be alive,
And I know I’ll never breathe.
But my heart is yours baby,
Until you decide to leave.

I can feel my addiction,
Begin to eat away at reality,
As I try to sleep away the night,
Knowing I'm copping at 8 am.

I know a needle in my arm,
Isn't the same as happiness,
But I don't know how to sleep at night,
Unless I'm heavily medicated.

I'm swimming in an ocean of blood,
Mixed with the ever present ******,
Or is it morphine this time?

I've been swimming for so long,
But I've never seen the shore.
And I can feel my tourniquet,
Tied to my wrist like an anchor.

Maybe I'll dose a little too much,
And spare myself the agony of detox.
But ****, mom would die,
If I didn't make it home.

I guess it wouldn't matter,
I'd have that dark abyss.
But there's one thing I know,
It's certainly ****** I'd miss.

I can't remember midnight,
When the morning sun rose.
And I cant remember the moonlight,
As you shed your modest clothes.

Perhaps I stared too long,
At the symmetry of your hips,
Or perhaps you thought,
I became addicted too fast to your lips.

Maybe You'll stay forever,
But tonight you're gone for good.
You're the darkness in my heart,
The part of me I never understood.

Now I remember midnight,
As the sun goes down again.
And when the night comes,
I find myself wrapped in sin.

The day we laid my father to rest,
I was so ****** up I couldn't move,
Let alone see straight.
You name it, I was on it that day.

The moment my girl told me we had to go,
I stood on shaky legs,
Shook my head and put on the face,
Of the man my family needed me to be.

I drove to the funeral home,
A city away,
Dressed to impress and drugged to carelessness.

I was so ****** up that night,
That I nodded out with my eyes open,
While the priest who married my parents,
Gave the eulogy.

It's a good thing I was so ****** up,
So that I didn't rip that ******* priest apart,
When he told me it was a holy experience,
To find my father dead like that.

What's so holy about it father?
The fact that I need to be so medicated that I pass out,
In order to sleep at night?

Or the fact that I could care less,
If I dosed a little too much,
Every time I push the plunger down?

Tell me, what is so holy about it, priest,
The fact that my father wasn't even twice my age,
Or that I'll be dead before I reach his?

These skies break open,
And spill over me.
Like diamonds to the sun,
Forever they breathe.

They spin like gems,
Floating over broken glass.
I lay motionless in white,
Watching you slowly pass.
(Just smile for me)

And I feel like we could be,
Could be heroes if we set our minds to the goal,
Just stay with me and scream one, two, three,
Here we go!
(We could be heroes in the end)

If the end is just a tunnel,
With a light running above.
I feel like I’ll be failing,
To open the letter sealed with your love.
(Could you please just smile for me?)

And as I lie on broken glass,
An inch above the shard,
I feel myself floating,
And digging my grave in your backyard.
Because Seattle was never the place,
For a boy like me.
Another shot of morphine,
And I’ll be floating free.

We could be heroes in the end,
If the days would only die.
And the stars could split beside the moon and sun,
And you could fall from the sky.

I haven't really slept,
Since you passed away.
You were far too young,
It wasn't the right way.

You should've gone out fighting,
But instead you fell asleep.
Everyone's been so understanding,
But ****, I just want to weep.

I've spent the last few hours crying,
Something I'm not used to anymore.
Lately I've felt like vomiting,
But there's no bile left in store.

Figures I had to find you,
Aftet so many months away.
But dad I'd give anything,
For just one more ******* day.

There is no air around me,
I found myself locked in.
The light was shining brightly,
But now the room is dim.

No windows or holes to crawl through,
No help is coming for me.
I cannot breathe any longer,
I wonder how death will be?

The suit I wear protects me,
Keeps me breathing still.
But if I shed my clothing,
Will my lungs have their fill?

I cannot keep on questioning,
It is time to try it out.
So I shed my suit of armor,
And with it all my doubt.

The pressure is too much,
I am caving in.
As my lungs fill with darkness,
I am filled with Sin.

I can hear the rain,
As it drips through the pane.
I know I'll feel better at the window,
Hoping a breeze will take me away.

But all I hear is,
I don't love you,
I don't love you like I did him.
I don't love you,

(I love you like you love him)

Can we still dream,
Frozen nights, but I'm still warm,
With you by my side.
Running laughter, through pouring rain.

And I can eat your heart out,
When he no longer speaks your name.

But all I hear is,
I don't love you,
I don't love you like I did him.
I don't love you,

(I love you like you love him)

All I hear is,
He doesn't love me,
He doesn't love me like before.
He doesn't love me,

(I could love you like he never could)


I could love you,
Til the stars burn red.
I will love you,
Til I am dead.

(I love you.
I love you like he never did.
But now there's nothing left of us,
But my broken heart and your lace,
I wish I left something more than scratches,
Etched into your skin.)