she hides under her bed
and cries herself to sleep,
she wants a happy life,
but she hides what she needs,
though to many she may be joyous
and as many friends she has,
she still needs someone close
which she clearly never had

m-emories of the year past
o-n a day of new beginnings
n-odding head off to silent sleep
t-humbs congealed within the wintry chill
h-ours went by to the new year

o-ut the sheets
f-allen to the side

j-ust awaken from wintry slumber
a- crowd of children ran across streets
n-eighbors greet each other of the new day
u-nder the icicle drenched oak branches
a- cardinal chirped its lonesome song
r-elishing the piercingly fresh air
y-esterday's death, today's first breath

4 walls around me,
they start to close in,
i'm feeling insane,
i keep remembering
why i'm here,
i'm all alone,
i die of fear
when i should've known,
4 walls they're pulling in,
i've hurt myself
and i can't win

A deep loneliness
Falling in love with strangers
Feigned intimacy

my new years resolution
comes out more like a suicide note;
all languid lines and
lists that won't mean anything to the dead

i'd rather swallow it than keep it
i can live with a few scars

Is it your face
that adorns the garden?

Is it your fragrance
that intoxicates this garden?

Is it your spirit
that has made this brook
a river of wine?



Hundreds have looked for you
and died searching
in this garden
where you hide behind the scenes.



But this pain is not for those
who come as lovers.

You are easy to find here.

You are in the breeze
and in this river of wine.

I’m drenched
in the flood
which has yet to come

I’m *******
in the prison
which has yet to exist



Not having played
the game of chess
I’m already the checkmate



Not having tasted
a single cup of your wine
I’m already drunk



Not having entered
the battlefield

I’m already wounded and slain



I no longer
know the difference
between image and reality



Like the shadow
I am

And

I am not