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saint Sep 2017
tripping over the uneven tile
i drank till i forgot your name
then drank till i remembered it again
i drank till i felt the rain
your words pouring down on me
i took the blame
you took my heart and i took the shame
call me stupid
call me crazy
call me lame
i hope you’re happy so call me later
call me *****
call me rotten
i hope you’re happy so call me moved on
in the ***** bathroom bar i fell to my knees
i feel the poison in my system
though my drinks aren’t the victim
pump out my stomach and destroy my kidneys
burn my lungs and inject black tar in my blood
a blackened heart with creases im tipsy
two more drinks and im back in that bathroom
i scratch out your name and do a line of *******
numb but not enough
numb but destructive
*** and seduction
love and affection
rejection and injection are synonyms to my reflection

-

in the ***** bathroom bar i scratched your name on the mirror
barely alive and you’re my killer

“what’s your poison?”
paranoia
roses
and your name.
saint Jul 2017
when it rains it pours
and it's pouring.

when it rains it pours
and it's pouring.

when it rains it pours
and it's pouring.

when it rains it pours
and i'm drowning.

i take my hands off this steering wheel
and let the winds control my drive.
i hope i crash into this pole-
but my car breaks down before i get a chance to.
i don't know why death is taking so long.
i think she's stuck in traffic.
the holy trinity has forgotten about me;
god, life, and death don't want me.
and the devil keeps whispering in my ears.

i wonder if i'll ever stop talking to myself.
i love you
saint May 2017
-5/11 5:48PM-
I’m sorry, goodbye.

-5/11 7:03PM-
I miss you.

-5/11 11:54PM-
I miss you.

-5/12 12:02AM-
I miss you.

-5/12 12:23AM-
I miss you.

-5/12 2:34AM-
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you. I miss you I miss you i miss you I miss you.
I love you.

-5/12 7:15AM-
I miss you.

-5/12 6:44PM-
I miss you.

-5/13 8:12PM-
I miss you.

-7/03 1:31AM-
I loved you.

-7/26 5:16PM-
I miss you.

-12/31 11:59PM-
I miss you.

-01/01 12:00AM-
I
miss you.
saint Dec 2016
m
YOU LEFT ME BECAUSE OF THE CIGARETTES I SMOKE,
NOW MY LUNGS ARE BURNING MORE THAN EVER.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS.

I SAW OUR FUTURE SO CLEARLY

IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT I MIGHT HAVE ONE WITHOUT YOU.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND IT HURTS.

I KEEP REMEMBERING OUR NIGHT TOGETHER-
WE STAYED OUT TILL THE SUN CAME UP.

BEFORE YOU I WOULD GO TO SLEEP HOPING IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I CLOSE MY EYES-

YOU GAVE MY HOPE.

I LOVED THE SUN AND I LOVED THE MOON.
I LOVED THE STARS AND I LOVED YOU.

GOD KNOWS I WISH I STILL HAD YOU.

MY HEART ACHES AND I CAN’T BREATHE.
I’VE CRIED LAKES AND I STILL HAVE RIVERS TO FILL.

IF MY TEARS WERE RED,

YOU’D SEE HOW MUCH I BLEED FOR YOU.
IF MY VEINS WERE BLUE,

I’D SLIT OCEANS FOR YOU.

I’M SO TIRED AND SO NUMB.

MY WORLD IS SO QUIET.

AND IT HURTS TO KNOW YOU’LL NEVER KNOW WHERE I’M COMING FROM.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND MY PAIN RUNS DEEP INSIDE OF ME.

CUT ME OPEN AND LET ME BLEED.

I’M SO SICK OF THE PAIN AND SO SICK OF THE RAIN.
I’M JUST AS CLOSE TO RUNNING AWAY
AS I WAS TO YOU.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COPE BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOSE YOU.

I’D GIVE ANYTHING TO LOOK INTO YOUR EYES ONCE MORE-

TO FEEL YOUR HANDS AND SEE YOUR SMILE.

YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE-

I’D TEAR OCEANS APART AND SPIT AT THE SUN.

I’D SHINE LIGHT AT STARS AND BREAK MOUNTAINS TO CRUMBS.

JUST TO SEE THE SMILE THAT TURNED MY HEART INTO AN ORCHESTRA OF DRUMS.

I’M FALLING APART AND ROTTING AWAY.
MY GOOSEBUMPS ARE STARTING TO ACHE.
MY EYES ARE TOO TIRED TO WAKE
.
MY LUNGS ARE TOO BURNT TO TAKE
ANY MORE OF THIS PAIN-


AND MY HEART WILL FOREVER BE YOURS TO BREAK.

‏-want me like i want you,
love me like i love you
saint Oct 2016
i always wondered what it is you’d say to me after
all these years,
what kind of
explanation you’d give me after all these
tears.
we both knew when we met we’d inevitably go our separate ways,
but never like this-

and now,
you’re sat in front of me still as an idol.
who knew
one day you’d be my rival.
I once saw love and serenity when I stared into your eyes,
and now,
i see all the hate and chaos that overflowed your ugly lies.
i should’ve known better, and now your words are what have the noose around my neck tied-

i should’ve known better.
if I could un-write every word I’d ever had my ink laid, I’d do it.
just to take back every letter.
you used to make my heart flutter.
my thoughts slurred, and my speech stutter.
but now I’d rather choke on my words and make you watch me shudder.
face the face you destroyed,
Listen to the heart that beats no more,
and stare at the ears that hear no love.
you broke a human that was as strong as steel.
i want you to,
view the life you’ve been hiding from.
listen to the cries of the inner child you handed ***.

you broke a human that was as strong as steel,

and now

one thing he’ll never do again,

is feel.
saint Jul 2016
she asked me,
why I look at her so much.
the longer you stare at the sky,
the more stars you see.
saint Jul 2016
3 minutes away from midnight,
In bed with the same clothes as yesterday.
You wore me out.

But your presence stayed the night.
And you wouldn't leave when I kicked you out.
To be fair I didn't fight that hard.
And to be haste you broke my heart.
I blame you for the drama that you start.
I blame you for the love you tore apart.
And I feared for the words your lips would depart.

                                                               ­                                   The city grew quiet.
                                                                ­                           The streets were empty.
                                                                ­     The skyscrapers felt taller than ever.

And I'd had killed if I knew you would never resent me.
But your shadow laid in bed with me that night.
It told me all your secrets and held me tight.
I tried to let go but my arms put up a fight.
And now you come back every single night.
I blame myself for the advantage you took.
I haven't seen you in three years but we never spent a night apart.
11:57
3 minutes away from midnight,
In bed with the same clothes as yesterday.
You wore me out.
You left three years ago.

But I'll see you tonight.
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