Poetic ineptitude,
Stolen words, are not just words.
    Each word is a moment,
         Each minute a moment of longing, touch and smell.
            Each sense is the tale of a past lover, friend and family. . .

words without substance,
      are just words. . .

- 𝓹𝓸𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓾𝓭𝓮

Sweet love,
old aesthete flame
  under a frozen autumn breeze
     I learned how to trust

  Warm inure flickering flame,
      I grow terrified,
         I opened up,
            and now there is an "us"

Sweet flame,
squeeze me tight,
   hold me tonight,
      bind me to your warmth.

Frozen Autumn breeze,
    listless flame extinguished,
          my heart is buried in dust,
             two heartbeats diverge into one.

Terrified once more,
    alone,
      & bound to you. . .

-𝐵𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹

She had given up
     Danced through the night
                   In a bubble in limbo
                      She hit such a low
                         Yet, through exuberant eyes
                              Shrouded in mystery
                                   He broke down her wall
                                       when she had given up the fight
                                         black hair turns to gray
                                            Yet, through exuberant eyes
                                                            ­  of absolute anguish
                                                         ­          her teams stream her soul
                                                            ­                                   for all to see
for he broke down her wall
the stream flows
she sinks slowly down
covered hearts in kisses disappear
into a broken heart

given into despair
she dances through the night
in limbo once more

praying until they meet again. . .

We live in endless dread,
    we are born to love. .
Under a burden of societal views,
and fear of solitude.
   Told,
we are incomplete alone.

Flawed,
   burdened,
      built to sadly love.

-Alone-

Found myself swaying to your tune,
   smiling at me, under the 6 a.m. ardent light. . .

Tell me I am crazy,
    & I'll say its for you. . .

The smell of coffee in the air,
   fresh paint, picket fences and hardly mowed lawn.

Drift, my head gently into you,
  I just want to keep swaying to this tune. . .

Glass break,
   a photo of me and you. . .
         an altar a cruel reminder.
             I found myself swaying . . . alone. . .

- Life's cruel lies

This world was so mundane,
  forever lost within my own narcissistic dreary storm.
    "Hey are you listening"
        blue seas,
             blue skies,
                eyes. . .that make me feel insignificant
            

black,
faltered thoughts,
gone.

Now all I see is eyes, covered in masks.
A horrid reminder of a man,
    who made me fee insignificant
        a horrid reminder
          of the failure I have become
             clinging to three words. . . "I love you"

Cracked walls,
filled with cheap plaster. . .
   built upon broken foundations. . .
      building on fire,
         what a mess , this home is . . .
             Open the door, enter at your risk. . .
                 Just know love is game,
                    & I am already falling apart.
                          a game I have resigned

so be afraid,
     be prepared,
        for these walls,
           to topple and fall.
               for I am losing this game. . .

- ⓦⓐⓛⓛⓢ

When your heart turns blue,
  remember our moment under the ugly tree,
    turn tears into smiles,
       when your heart is weary of misery ,
            turn to me. . .
                let me hold hold those feelings of melancholy.

-Ⓣ𝓊尺ᑎ 𝕋𝑜 м𝒆

We are told that we are citizens of a nation,
  a nation so great and prideful,
     we are a gallant knight of freedom.
        Yet where is the freedom in choosing between two rapists.
               - Those are our choices America the beautiful-

CHOICES.

skin does not define us. . .
  yet I was born two shades darker,
    the world decided,
       that credit is lopsided,
          that crime is not misguided
             & that inclusion is adequality provided
                therefore, exclusion is justified.

skin defines us,
  keeps us divided
     shows "true" colors
         I should be angry?
            but I feel ashamed.
               not of color,
                 but of the human ЯΛᄃΣ

No sabia de ternura,
            ni de abrazos,
                ni de besos,
                    eso mi enseñó mama
                         y mi dijo que uno nunca tiene que llorar

y con eso la luz se pierde
ya no supe amar.

I want to write a novel;
   of my many heartbreaks.
But my brain whispers;
  "he still won't come back"
I want to pickup my pen;
   see melodic reflections in tears.
But;
   he made my eyes dry.

-Sweet honey

In my lowest,
   came the "hello"
Alluring eyes
   I'll admit
It was love at first sight.

    Endless hours
& words expressed
     Did you hear it echoing?
the heartbeat?

Beautiful Smiles
   Fiery kisses
empty bottles
    ***** sheets.

Paragraphs
  turned into "ok."
and an unread
you set off a dream in me.
Can you hear the echoing?
of my heartbeat?

Shattered dreams
   Empty tears
a one night stand
   but not for me. . .

this love is not enough.
--for me--

Clinging to a rosary,
    I am but a devout fool.
idolizing a false pretense,
    for alone in the world. . .
I cling to false prophets in hopes,
   of knowing a feeling like the one between you and me.

Alone in this world,
I am a fool,
devout,
in love,
alone. . . .

Alone

Cool desert breeze
   under the peach tree
      you told me you loved me . . .
         flowers bloomed, it was cliche. .
and just like the movies. . .
it came to an end. .
you were strong I was weak. .

you found him,
   and that was goodbye

Take my lips, and stain them.
Take my arms, and hold them,
Take my heart, and break it.
Take my eyes, so they can see,

Take my hips, and move them.
Take my legs, dance with them.

Better yet. . .

Take my soul, into yours.
   So we can dance in a state of purgatory
      in endless bliss, take me. . .

-T͓̽a͓̽k͓̽e͓̽ ͓̽m͓̽e͓̽

"Hello"
   passionate kisses,
       grinding denim,
    ardent flames ignited by red sultry lips,
kiss me,
love me,
touch me,

"May I please get my coffee"

ʷⁱⁿᵏ

Why is there shame?
    Why do we adopt a different tongue?
        Why do we call ourselves "ghetto not from this nation"

While Abuela rolls in her grave
  Each wrinkle a reminder of our greatness
      Each reminder  a moment of greatness once passed.

Do we call ourselves American to fit in?
   How do we face Montezuma,
      Our nation suffers and burns,
          Devils demonize
              Children Cry
                 Separated from mothers arms
                    In the name of Freedom!


So why is there shame?
    The rain a reminder of a tears of a once great nation
        Pillaged and burn our bodies became the bridge
          Our hands built this empire
             Our people yet are still slaves.

Where is the shame?
     Mother speaks in broken English
        Families laugh and our culture continues. . .

Stolen land, tears, indigenous **** time does not erase.
Nor should it erase our ANGER
But our people preach love not hate.
Once more we are beneath the masters boot.
Modern Day Slaves

But there is no shame,
for our culture exists,
even after the destruction of our once great state.

Elegant,
     polished,
              refined,
                  a mother used to say
                                   "be like marble"

but like marble I am porous,
  so easily cracked,
      broken,
        chipped
            scratched.
              each injury a reminder of  my weakness.


Like Marble,
  age becomes endemic of problem unspoken,
      I am replaced,
           for I am weak,
              broken and cracked.

"Mother I am like marble"

-мαявℓє

They tell us!
     When he stopped loving you!
           You shall move on , step by step. . .

    But did they know every melody is timeless,
            Every ocean breeze brings the smell of sweat, salt and rain,
Every hoodie, brings back warm cups of winter tea.
     Every sheet brings back the image of you laying next to me.


How do we move on?
𝐼 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓉𝑒

Take my heart,
        hold my hands,
unspoken words,
  revealed by sweat.

Take the risk,
run with me,
   let us build a white picket fence,
to be watched from a big porch.

So try,
   touch every inch,
feel my heat,
   forget the fear
put our song on ,
  dance with me,
      like two uncoordinated fools.
let my heart guide you home,
        let my voice be your guide,
-Dreamers

Sit alone,
  in the darkness of my own anguish
   the question lingers " 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝒻 "
        Life was not cruel . . .
        Your eyes never closed. . .
         Never ceasing to exist. . .

"𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝒻"
    we lived until we were old. . .
        we loved until we tired. . .
            - and you were not ashamed of who I've become. . .

The clock strikes,
  & here I sit
     alone.

Yet I tell myself,
    I am happy,
        regretfully happy,
            to live another day. . .
                                  ironic. . .
I'd give the world to be with you. . .
       & yet I am happy to be away for another day. . .

Life is deadly.
People are what they show, not what we see.
   We miss everything, daydreaming.
          All you do is wonder why?
             Friends to lovers,
                Lovers to friends,
                   Friends to an end. . .

Our love a vibrant tapestry of love and whispered promises,
painted black, consumed by the anguish in my heart.
this dull ache that blooms in my chest,
that rips and cracks at my ribs,
the truth, pushes my facade.
I am not okay, those instagram photos, its not me, thats not okay.
But there is not a world where we don't collide,
where our souls diverge,
the truth, reverberates through this longing soul,
you're better without me,
don't stay, don't fight it, run, take your things. . .
I'll be okay, I'll love you forever,
that is why I am giving up this fight,
let there be one fool in a broken love. . . so please live.

Minutes turn to hours,
  time is listless,
     the meeting is dreary,
        she wags her finger as if scolding a child,
           scorned, humiliated, ashamed. . . .
            " you are not qualified to challenge the system"

Ivory towers,
   fools in regalia,
         they think themselves kings,
              deciding what is good academic art.


For years I cried,
     For years I tried,
          Mocked,
              irrelevant,
                shadow. . I became. . .

I saw the best minds of my generation,
  and I was not one, creativity had come and gone,  
       the flame of thought extinguished for I was told "You can't"
            so many times. . . my heart started to beat to its metronomic rhythm!

I can!
"You Can't"
I want to write
"You are not good enough"
Why cant we create creative pieces?
"Academic research is all that matters"
Why
"Who would you be?"
. . .

I am me,
I like to write,
  About flowers, indigenous ****, and a love that can never be.
       & that makes me 𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽.
          So let my peers reach the accolades,
             let my peers be published,
                    let my peers fit your definition of "great"

But I am me,
I am happy,
isn't that what matters?

Firm calloused hands,
  tell the tale of many struggles,
     beatings, ****, child marriage. . .

Firm calloused hands,
  unflattering,
               tattered,
                  beaten by age,
Tell the tale of a women's struggle,
    feeding 12 kids, drunk husband, alone. . .


Machismo. . .
    does it make you man?
       Please take a page from those firm calloused hands. . .

"hello"
turn around
to see freckles and ardent green eyes.
I was in love. . .

I was five. .
then came the bell. .
"goodbye"

-first love-

I dreamed
   of changing the world
        I was wise.
           I wanted to change.
              To grow.
                 To Educate.
But. . .
then I found love. . .

-goodbye dreams-

. . .First I lost myself. . .
     . . .Then I lost my mind. . .
          . . .and then I lost my life. . .

-ignored my cries in my plea for life-

Growing up a pirinola was gold,
  watching it in spin ,was elation on earth.
        Seasons pass and an adult is measured by his worth,
             Cars,
                 homes,
                    dollar signs,
looking back I was fine,
     I was richer then,
         and poorer now.
        

-PӨӨЯ

The womb is the safest place,
   The moment we enter the world,
        Beauty becomes an adjective for baby,
           It is in that moment, we are told our flaws,
          It is in that moment, we are destined for our own Greek tragedy
                    For in our quest to conform, we become deformed beings
                                                 a figment, of what we were destined to be.

So many nights tears fell harder than rain;
     writing about you.
Used to look forward to death;
     To the day we once more met.
Yet, in endless agony;
     "He" made me love again.
So touch me, Hold me, Love me;
     So , I know I am not insane.
I used to be afraid to love;
     But, he  has me in love again.

-Sorry

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
♡┏┓┈╭━━╮┓┏┓━━┓♡
♡┃┃┉┃╭╮┃┃┃┃┏━┛♡
♡┃┃┈┃┃┃­┃┃┃┃┗━┓♡
♡┃┃┉┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛♡
♡┃┗━┓╰╯┃╰╯┃┗━┓♡
♡┗━━┛━━╯━━╯━━┛♡
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡­♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Plethora of eyes
  may this moment be sempiternal.
am I finally the jewel in the harem,
  I always find excuses for the inexcusable
  I always see the best in the worst
  I always drop the world for you only to be told "busy"
The eyes are always murmuring
  always clamoring
     always surround you
I want to yell,
but I am stuck in this never ending imbrication
slowly,
the good heart gives up,
the excuses dry up
you become the worst

sunny skies turn grey,
my sunshine no longer radiates.
and the evocative message sent finally hits.

-Good-

***** old bench,
waiting for the 7:30 bus.
  reminiscing of running late and endless paranoia
    and the warm hand that said "don't worry"


Only god knows,
    why now I "worry"
-Cold hands.

Want every single piece of you,
want your kissing and your touch too.
I want you to treat me soft, but be rough too.
Friends laugh and say goodbye,
words of broken promises and bleeding hurt.
Hopelessly in love with you, I am deaf.
for baby I have drunk the poison of love,
for which we have no cure!
Yet I miss you,
toss and turn under the night,
when all the lights go out
it casts a shadow of doubt
tie me up
chain me down
throw away the key
don't let me walk
please. .
pull me in. .
hold me close. .
don't let go. .
for my heart has gone mad

-Only for you-

callused, dry , rough
    ugly. . .
      They smelled of sweat and grease,
           blue stained ***** finger nails
              a beautiful reminder
of all you do for me. . .
       his hand are minder of a life,
                a home,
                    & warmth.

Ugly is me,
  a reminder of how heartless
     and appreciative I can be.
          for each scar, is a reminder of sacrifice and love,
               ever so undeserved.

-ₕₐₙdₛ

"𝐻𝑒𝓁𝓅 𝓂𝑒"
    Mellifluous thunder in the air,
         just another devout fool looking for serendipity,
              raise my languor arms,
                   for I fear solitude,
                        so play the secret chord,
                               ring the bells,
                                  send a dove,
                                     take this sanguine fool.

Help me,
  I fear being left alone.
        -ℓσя∂

Bombs are falling in the name of freedom
limbless soulless children peer into the thin veil of the heart
only to find a populous succumb to normalcy !
Plague is upon us, the planet is dying
nobody speaks for the trees,
for we must satisfy an infallible thirst to destroy.
Yet they cling to the beads,
get on their knees
pray to a deity

I humbly ask
"where is god"

                as this world turns to suffering
                poor get poorer
children starve
mothers cry
and fathers **** themselves

"where is god"

has he abandoned us?
for we have become his greatest mistake. . .

Two fools chasing a ball,
   Under an endless sky,
       Filled with smiles,  
        And hormonal fixated eyes.

An arm around me,
    Hearing you breathe,
       Knowing I committed the gravest mistake.

Finally, the sun had it say,
   Only to find myself in an empty bed.
         Tap, tap, tap. . .
              “where are you?”

                   Tears are pouring,
                      Endless silence,
                        Tap, Tap, Tap. . .
                            “are you mad?”

                                      Days to weeks,
                                          Friends to lovers,
                                                While all lovers come to an end.

Time and time again, we all know the tale of the "endless sea of love".
little church bells in the air, wearing blue and white for purity!
Only to walk down the aisle in silence of . . .
. . .Our shame. . .
Stand at the alter , face to face, under the white archway.
Only to say "I do" without love. . .

-Love

Shes but 16
   trying to provide for her baby ,
                          she walks the nights,
                               full of ominous eyes,
                                   past smoke filled rooms,
                                            he takes her in his arms,
                                                What began in honesty,
                                                    ends in it too,
                                                                     .  . .dollars exchanged. . .

"What will my baby think?"


** Poem inspired by the poor young girls trapped due to economic circumstances I met and talked to during my trip to Tijuana

Green,
  mesmerizing deep green,
    waves of endless emotion,
      freckles,
         sweet marks of perfection.
"hi"
   one word
     tainted
          yellow
             impure
                love
                  at 5.

-ιɱρυɾҽ

Meet me in the middle;
   for I am a dreamer.
Contemplating fantasy into our reality;
   wishing for a future.

Wishing.
      Wishing.
           Wishing.

Dead. . .


-Hopeless Dreamer

I'm sorry,
   to everyone I ever loved.
     I am sorry to my mother,
        sorry to my father,
           sorry to my lover as he gazed down in regret.
               I don't know why. .
                    I honestly try,
                          I tell myself
                             STOP
                              STOP
                              STOP
                                 I'm sorry
                                    I remember the pumps
                                      The "Hold on"
                                         I'm sorry I want to see him once more. .
                                              I remember the lights
                                                 the cold white walls
                                                   under fluorescent light.
                                                       I will get help. .

But
I'm sorry I just want to see him again. .

-Relapse-