Let me trace your body
     more than air,
            more than water,
                  beauty that is divine
the day is leaving
       night is to come

time becomes a figuration,
   an ornament of a mesmerized fool,
         hypnotized,
           forever lost in your thought

I am the product,
  of a lover who could not love,
    a poet who could not write,
       people who could not live,
          a human who was inhumane.

I am a product,
   made. . .
      fake. . .
       & his greatest mistake. . .

-ⓟⓡⓞⓓⓤⓒⓣ

We are a flame,
   with age we grow,
        brighter,
           stronger,
             more ardent than the stars above,
                with age we die
                    to illuminate the next life.

At the feet
   Beg.
Oran and cry
Be afraid.

Grab on
  don't let go
take flight
  into the light
love unconditionally

Weep. .
  find mercy. .
and kiss. . .
his feet. . .

forgive us. .
forgive me. .
forgive them. .

Take my life
  feel the heat
as it radiates and leaves. . .
let my heart become theirs.
  Atone once more for their sins. .
--take me to the promise land--

December 24th, 2020

Sweet love, sweet friend.
  I promised to never love again until the end,
   for I was unsure I could trust. . .
    smell of burnt pine, and ice cold December air,
      a reminder of your ever warm embrace.

Sweet love, sweet friend,
I failed to love you to the end.
for I am starting to love again,
my heart and I are in a constant fight.
for I yearn for your love,
But I found a man whose breaking my walls.

Sweet Love, Sweet Friend
  I am terrified to love again,
    I am forever yours,
      heart,
      body,
      and soul which weeps for you.
  his love which has bound me in chains.

Sweet Love, Sweet Friend,
   I feel guilty,
     I want to stop my breath,
        to feel your touch,
           your embrace,
             to hear your voice,
               & smell your skin.
                 I am terrified to love again,
                      scared I was your greatest mistake.


Sweet Love, Sweet Friend
   until we meet again. . .
      but I will try and take the - 🆁🅸🆂🅺

Obscene ugly bird,
Thunderous scream, what rare song
Un-cage and be free

*Being different is freedom

Perfect overhanging telephone cable shoes,
mocking under a desert breeze,
   torn ***** chucks that leave their mark,
           on a dark tapestry full of imagination.

Counting pennies in a stream,
children hypnotized by lovely tunes,
   desperately trying to buy scribblers for they come in two,
      two beautiful pops of multiple hues,
          dancing in synchrony,
                only to be ripped part,
                   under the desert breeze.

you were my scribbler. . .
  such a sweet memory,
     of two souls in a romantic setting,
           if only I had known,
                 I would say goodbye. . .

-ѕ¢яιввℓєя

I cried and cried,
   & the bird sang to me,
I cried and cried
   & the sun dripped his warm nectar onto me
I cried and cried
   & the moon with its endless reminder of beauty mocked me
So I dried my eyes,
  & laid in a quilt of grass
      in earthen sheets
         I went to sleep and forget,
              until I cry 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃.

Sweet melancholy,
   falling and not getting up,
                   trying to succeed,
                           to find yourself loving alone,  
                                   fight but here the sad news,

Sweet melancholy,
  when you lose your hair,
           angered at the world,
             fight, fight, fight only to find yourself alone,
                                                                       you hold it in. . .
                                      
Let me hold your hand,
   Let me in, Let me hold you.
       I promise to learn from my mistakes,
                                                       to get better,
                                                          to love you more. .  .

Sweet melancholy,
           ardent smiles set,
               tears of rain that stream the soul,
                                       you want to be alone. . .
                                                   volcanic eruptions of anger and rage. . .
Sweet melancholy,
I lost something I can't replace,
                                close my eyes. . .
                                         take me under the endless stars,  
                                               ignite the heavens in my sleep,
to a place where we can call "home" together once more.

- S͎w͎e͎e͎t͎ ͎M͎e͎l͎a͎n͎c͎h͎o͎l͎y͎

People are beautiful. . .
    
    Cities burn,
       I was five and he was forty-three.
     Bang!
       What an awful sound. . .

People are beautiful. . .

Piano Keys & Harps,
     Gluttonous Pigs.
Crash!
     Children starve!


People are ugly,
  - truth.

We are born
    to misery
To love, to lose, and to die.
      That is life. . .
          

-Interesting

You left me lying,
    on a patch of grass,
       like a cow grazing naked, dead , violated.
but in that moment,
   you freed me of fear,
        you made me strong,
            needing nothing to hold myself up.
                free of gravity, free of chains
                  In that moment you taught me to believe in "me"


ironic the lessons we learn.

When I was young I prayed for love. . .
    Martini filled nights under deceitful stars. . .
        Lost myself night after night to a strangers touch.
lived for the night. . .
      Thought I was living life. . .

Time does not stop,
    nor does it forgive,
          age took its toll and now I am forever alone.
                . . .   I looked for love in the wrong places  . . .
                                        If only I knew. . .
-Looking for love-

Fairytale's do not exist,
  you will not awake from a grown mans kiss,
     he will swipe right, kiss you at night, and be gone the next day.

Fairy godmother will not free you,
   you will be bound the corporate overload that pays you,
     they will use you and abuse you, until you are discarded.

No one will climb your hair,
  you will fade into obscurity,
     a figment of a "friendship" that once existed


and even then
   in the face of reality
      I still believe people are good at heart.

-Gₒₒd ₐₜ ₕₑₐᵣₜ

𝓪 𝓶𝓪𝓷 𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓭
        his phone rings
           " on my way home"
                   what a joke , a man in my bed . . . left

Alone Goodbye's. . .  
    The irony. . .

Corks off,
  and the night has just begun
    insecurities dissipate,
        glass after glass,
            think of you my dear friend,

two boys,
  a love of soccer,
    kicking and screaming
      under the burning desert breeze.

Two teens,
      with problems larger than the world,
          one cool,
             the other forgotten,
                 yet you stayed,
                     and I ****** again.

Eighteen,
    I found him,
        rubbed it in your face,
            yet you stayed

Twenty three,
    he left,
      I cried,
        you picked me up,
          after each glass
            only to find beration and condemnation.
              you stayed
                 I left. . .

Twenty Six
  one last puff,
      one last drink
         only to retrace my steps
           "I'm sorry"
              silence
                I love my only friend.

please don't leave me
I need you
I need you
please f̶o̶r̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶

The world is black and white,
darkness and sounds at birth, darkness and sounds at death.
We yearn to change the world, dreamers, confined to reality.
To truly live, not just pass the minutes, hours, and days.
𝖘𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖊 from my mundane existence.

Lights, marquees,
  3.5 million people
unpleasant smog, glass buildings
twinkle like night stars.

Cigarette smoke
  gin on the rocks
a lone over aged woman sings in the night
dry exhausted lips, underpaid dress

what is there to love
   when you let yourself go
      and now sit alone. . .

when he asks
   to still be friends
      remember the strong take pity on the weak,
        the lion hunts the prey,
            if the lion bites,
                it will bite again.
- ㄥ𝒾σ𝓝

Infinite ****** passion exchanged by eyes,
         unexplainable emotions at first touch,
                 Eager tender breaths muffled by lips,
                           Emotions become finite, sacred to tainted.
                                                    - The Chase Ends

With Anger!
    He tried to silence her song!
        In fear of his own timidity. . .
               But her song is carried,
                   In an endless river of life,
                       No matter the blows, the yells, the punches. . .
    His voice is like thunder on midsummer eve, it comes, and it goes.
                               But the river is eternal,
                                     It breaks off into endless streams,
                                               Thus, it continues to sing.

Begged on the knees with no lack of humiliation,
   cried and yells of indignity
        looking up I saw your face
                 - mortification.

please don't leave.
     please fix me.
           find the faults,
                 fix the cracks,
                   patch the crumbling walls,

I said "please fix me"
  only to hear  "you need to fix yourself"
    

-ɪᴛ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɪᴛꜱ ᴍᴇ

Pillow muffled ｓｃｒｅａｍｓ,
   "mama it bleeds"
        slap to the face
               blasphemous lies
                    - liar

ｈａｎｄｓ trespass every crevice,
      "he touches me"
             every word lost
                  you are crazed
                   - crazy

beep. . . beep. . . beep. . .
     withered hair
        wrinkled arms,
            eyes that cried,
                gasps and screams
                    - gone

𝙸 𝚍𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚢
   𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝐼 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓈
                                                      
                                             ʙʟᴀꜱᴘʜᴇᴍᴏᴜꜱ ʟɪᴇꜱ

Cool aloof desert breeze,
  million needle stings on dry scared skin,
    tells the tale of many heartbreaks.
      Seasons change, but love is not profound.

Unfiltered sand scrapes futile eyes,
     waiting on a field of dead frozen grass,
          a fool chases hearts
                fixing what is missing
                         only to cry once more.

"it must be the unrelenting desert sand. . "
   " it must be the cool desert breeze. . . "
                   "he loves me"

just a fool chasing hearts in a frost dying world
    waiting
             waiting
                    waiting
                           imagining
                                   that
                                       "he loves me"

-𝔇𝔢𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔱 𝔟𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔷𝔢

December 30th, 2012

So pure and young, sweet love.
              I'm trapped in your song,
                    I wonder what you'd say,
                                I am completing your dream,
                                               Dr., Dr., Dr., that is all you'd say.
Sweet love,
  you are the silence in my eyes,
       the reason I cry at night, the reason I try so hard to live.
           yet, like raindrops in the summer heat,
               each moment passes like a blur,
                    a reminder that I could have done more,
                       so my sweet love I ask,
                             "are you ashamed of me"
                                 " are you ashamed of what I become"
                                       & in the unknowing,
                                           I know and weep
                                                for I fear your response,
                                                       when we meet.
                                                               ѕωєєт ℓσνє

Sweet troubles of melancholy far removed,
     Ardent blight tattered heart,
        whimsical memories of yesterday. . .
           two young souls which loved and played,
              broken heartbeats in perfect synchrony,
                  old cigars and 3 a.m. faded masks,
                         you begged me to stay.
                               longed for love,
                                         but loathed your touch. . .
                                     when did I stray?

-Stray

it's so easy to love someone,
when that person does not love you,
   He will mock you,
        He will use you,
            He will leave you disgusted,
              & broken too.
                But, its so easy to love him.

It's so hard to love someone,
  when that person loves you.
    He will cherish you,
        He will support you,
          He will leave you happy,
            & ecstatic too.
               But, yet its so hard to love him.

-ʍąʂօçհìʂէ

Why can't we hold one another in the street?
Why can't we kiss and hold hands?
Why do you pretend I am a friend?

Are you afraid,
   of dark eyes all around
I can't stop silent tears
  I know we have to hide
why is our love hopeless?

I want to shout
   from the rooftop
   from the street
I want to
   kiss
   hold hands
I want others to know
   I am not just a friend. . .

Is it so hard to simply be yours-

I am a giver,
    a hopeless romantic,
       who gives happiness,
             what no one has given to me.
yet, they call me crazed, and deranged.
I can be the smartest person in the world,
      all it takes, is for one person to say "you are insane"
          then comes the doubt,
               the self hate,
                    self loathe,
                       and finally the loss of myself.
but I am a giver,
  a hopeless dreamer,
       who wishes for happiness,
           when none exists in an endless cycle,
               that never ceases to exist.

-🅶🅸🆅🅴🆁

I'm tired of waiting,
with my arms empty in embrace,
of my eager heart yearning to hold you,
I thought about those delights of the days and nights.
Fictitious thoughts of true love the heart that longs.

Keep the door closed
    for the love to erupt
Keep the light off
    for the trigger to spark
Look away from me
    for my pride not to break
Make me yours
    Don't talk, Don't be rough, for it reminds me of him

  -- Why do I not allow myself to love?--

Let me live
   under a tree of insecurity,
       with flowers falling,
           like flecks of rust off old iron
              painting a picture
                  of a bird that could not fly,
                        a dog that could not bark,
                            and a man who could not admit " I loved you"

What
         if
           the
                 world
                           was
                                 like
                                       two
                                               souls
                                                          t­hat
                                                             ­     conjoin
What
           if
                the
                    souls
                ­            were
                                  just
         ­                               &
                                           right
                                                 dancing
                                                               in
                                                              ­     harmony
                
Leaving us in a state of endless ecstasy
                     --flowers for bombs—
                            No races, religion or ***
         in the phantasmal state.

       Stars pass and time is endless like a life age on earth
Timeless—
  Then I hear the neighbor sing, ****, never mind we are in a
         endless purgatory

Among a sea of weeds,
be a rose,
elegant,
  beautiful,
      timeless,


- ᖇOᔕE

Heed my call,
  within the state of unutterable purgatory
     weight of damnation,
           demonic sins dance by ardent flame
                  in synchrony on a brittle back. . .

Alone,
   echo's reverberate
       from the night sky,
          tears stream the very essence of the soul itself
              longing for intoxicating paradise so out of reach

Take my hand,
   pull me out
     of the raging mental sea,
       cleanse and purify a damaged soul,
          hear me, see me, choose me
              please . . .
                     please . . .
                        save me from the world living in apathy,
                          let me find elation. . .



-ΣᄂΛƬIӨП

Forgive me for my anger idealistic fools,
  advocating for equality for all ( but only for some)  
    while our people are pinned by the rage of distant past,
       the trusting Campeche a warrior of great who opened his heart,
         while his body defiled for human greed.

Where is equality when our mother weeps,
   for the land of blood, pillage and ****,
   where is equality for the children murdered by plague and disease?
     When our heritage becomes an attraction written on the marquee

when do we weep,
   for my people,
      who opened their heart
  only to find torment and hate.

-ɪɴᴅɪɢᴇɴᴏᴜꜱ ʀᴀᴘᴇ

The song of youth is quick, the curtain falls.
It concludes from grandeur to silent halls.
No more applause, No encores,
Just chasms amongst the skin, as shadow linger, memories ache.
Will you still love me? Asking the question you already know.
Changes nothing. . .

Jealous filled eyes,
     walls that spoke,
         they took my career,
              made me rethink my life,
                      "was it worth it"
                        "am I worth it"
unanswered questions,
  piece by piece,
    the wolves of my own unrelating depredation
      left pieces of a foolish kind soul,
but a shattered heart
    can be taped
       over and over again
            so I say  " I am me"
                with pride.

d̶̮͎̐̔̏ë̸̢̢̤͎́ṕ̵̢͚̘̟̝̣͓̰̤̺͂̎͊͝ṛ̴̨̃̆̾ȩ̷͈̳̐̚d̷͉͍̯̃͋̔ͅa̶͛̌́̿̃͊̍­̢̻̥̻͎̲́̈́́ṭ̵̡̰̻͎̤̦̫̯̀̐̽̽͜į̸̱͉̖̱̯̹̹̱̓̒̂̐̔̂̿̎͋̚o̸̡͎̙̖̯̣̯̺̬͗̍͊̄̎̇n̶­̩̝̼͛̌

The room spins, in our mind this is a silent waltz.
Two alcohol induced souls, the musics gone,
the lights are low , yet we dance and continue to put on our show.

No more twirls, no dipping low
Just whispers between two strangers,
Your eyes, mirrors. Reflecting a heart thats incomplete,
a lonely soul.

The dancing's done, the night is dark,
yet in this anguish, I contemplate,
was it love or lust? the silence of my own anguish,
Longing for love, wondering if was the stranger at the bar.

An endless metronymic rhythm of madness,
  time does not stop.
     Each wave crashes,
        Each wave pushes me down,
            gasping for air, gasping for life,
                  "hold on" . . .
                        caught in your endless sea
                            drowning, giving into the pressure.
                                   your pressure

knowing all to well,
         I am not the only one. . .
               giving myself to someone who is not good for me no more.

- Wave

Between two musical notes,
   exists the memory of us dancing to your heartbeat.
      grains of sand between our toes, shoes we could not afford.
         getting strange looks,
               you took my hand,
                  & we danced. . .

𝓕𝓲𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮

Poetic ineptitude,
Stolen words, are not just words.
    Each word is a moment,
         Each minute a moment of longing, touch and smell.
            Each sense is the tale of a past lover, friend and family. . .

words without substance,
      are just words. . .

- 𝓹𝓸𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓾𝓭𝓮

Sweet love,
old aesthete flame
  under a frozen autumn breeze
     I learned how to trust

  Warm inure flickering flame,
      I grow terrified,
         I opened up,
            and now there is an "us"

Sweet flame,
squeeze me tight,
   hold me tonight,
      bind me to your warmth.

Frozen Autumn breeze,
    listless flame extinguished,
          my heart is buried in dust,
             two heartbeats diverge into one.

Terrified once more,
    alone,
      & bound to you. . .

-𝐵𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹