He said facing me
  " I love you because you never lie"
but my back
  tells the story
    of many lies
      & many nights
          looking for love
             living a lie
                 despite it all.

Let me trace your body
     more than air,
            more than water,
                  beauty that is divine
the day is leaving
       night is to come

time becomes a figuration,
   an ornament of a mesmerized fool,
         hypnotized,
           forever lost in your thought

No sabia de ternura,
            ni de abrazos,
                ni de besos,
                    eso mi enseñó mama
                         y mi dijo que uno nunca tiene que llorar

y con eso la luz se pierde
ya no supe amar.

You left me lying,
    on a patch of grass,
       like a cow grazing naked, dead , violated.
but in that moment,
   you freed me of fear,
        you made me strong,
            needing nothing to hold myself up.
                free of gravity, free of chains
                  In that moment you taught me to believe in "me"


ironic the lessons we learn.

Let me live
   under a tree of insecurity,
       with flowers falling,
           like flecks of rust off old iron
              painting a picture
                  of a bird that could not fly,
                        a dog that could not bark,
                            and a man who could not admit " I loved you"

Sleep my love,
may nightmares turn to dreams,
may worries fade,
may your past become your future.
until we meet again.

Sleep my love,
save your voice
become one with my dying heartbeat,
may your words that bring a sweet melancholy,
not be wasted on me.

May we meet again,
         fight again,
             laugh again,
                love again,
so let my eyes close and heart sleep
in the sweet moments of our goodbye
           until we meet again.

With Anger!
    He tried to silence her song!
        In fear of his own timidity. . .
               But her song is carried,
                   In an endless river of life,
                       No matter the blows, the yells, the punches. . .
    His voice is like thunder on midsummer eve, it comes, and it goes.
                               But the river is eternal,
                                     It breaks off into endless streams,
                                               Thus, it continues to sing.

The womb is the safest place,
   The moment we enter the world,
        Beauty becomes an adjective for baby,
           It is in that moment, we are told our flaws,
          It is in that moment, we are destined for our own Greek tragedy
                    For in our quest to conform, we become deformed beings
                                                 a figment, of what we were destined to be.

Two fools chasing a ball,
   Under an endless sky,
       Filled with smiles,  
        And hormonal fixated eyes.

An arm around me,
    Hearing you breathe,
       Knowing I committed the gravest mistake.

Finally, the sun had it say,
   Only to find myself in an empty bed.
         Tap, tap, tap. . .
              “where are you?”

                   Tears are pouring,
                      Endless silence,
                        Tap, Tap, Tap. . .
                            “are you mad?”

                                      Days to weeks,
                                          Friends to lovers,
                                                While all lovers come to an end.

When I was young I prayed for love. . .
    Martini filled nights under deceitful stars. . .
        Lost myself night after night to a strangers touch.
lived for the night. . .
      Thought I was living life. . .

Time does not stop,
    nor does it forgive,
          age took its toll and now I am forever alone.
                . . .   I looked for love in the wrong places  . . .
                                        If only I knew. . .
-Looking for love-

I am the ocean,
under raging storms of my,
mental disorder

-Ocean

That awkward silence;
   of seeing them with someone else.

Memories rushing seem so long ago,
    Santa Monica sand,
       Churros on the pier,
          Zion's trails.
             Happiness. . .
"Hello". . .
Introductions. .
Small talk. . .

     "Oh I am happy for you";
If only I didn't lie.

-Lie

I want to write a novel;
   of my many heartbreaks.
But my brain whispers;
  "he still won't come back"
I want to pickup my pen;
   see melodic reflections in tears.
But;
   he made my eyes dry.

-Sweet honey

Keep me in the moment;
   rock me in your lullaby.
Roll. . . Roll. . . Roll. . .
Keep me focused;
  as I dance with bodacious stars.
Lick. . . Lick. . . Lick. . .
Fly past mars;
  where the word demure does not exist.
Light. . . Light. . . Light. . .
Cosmic love;
   Please keep me in this moment.


-Cosmic

Meet me in the middle;
   for I am a dreamer.
Contemplating fantasy into our reality;
   wishing for a future.

Wishing.
      Wishing.
           Wishing.

Dead. . .


-Hopeless Dreamer

Time and time again, we all know the tale of the "endless sea of love".
little church bells in the air, wearing blue and white for purity!
Only to walk down the aisle in silence of . . .
. . .Our shame. . .
Stand at the alter , face to face, under the white archway.
Only to say "I do" without love. . .

-Love

So many nights tears fell harder than rain;
     writing about you.
Used to look forward to death;
     To the day we once more met.
Yet, in endless agony;
     "He" made me love again.
So touch me, Hold me, Love me;
     So , I know I am not insane.
I used to be afraid to love;
     But, he  has me in love again.

-Sorry

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
♡┏┓┈╭━━╮┓┏┓━━┓♡
♡┃┃┉┃╭╮┃┃┃┃┏━┛♡
♡┃┃┈┃┃┃­┃┃┃┃┗━┓♡
♡┃┃┉┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛♡
♡┃┗━┓╰╯┃╰╯┃┗━┓♡
♡┗━━┛━━╯━━╯━━┛♡
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡­♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

We are born
    to misery
To love, to lose, and to die.
      That is life. . .
          

-Interesting

All it takes;
   is one unwanted advance or stroke.
To inflict a lifetime of misery;
   self doubt and hate.
"forgive and forget";
    easier said then done.

let me just inflate my heart
   and let it fly away.

-Simple right?


..... (¯'v´¯)♥
.......•.¸.•´
....¸.•´
... (
☻/
/▌♥♥
/ \ ♥♥

The breeze blows the palm trees,
   in a serene hot desert like the barren wasteland of hell itself.
you hear the sway , but close your eyes to avoid the sand.

and in the cold polluted desolate nights,
sirens, crackheads on the corner of gas stations,
crickets and roaches critter under starless nights in purgatory,

A single baby cries,
  hookers wander the smoke filled night.
men and woman play their life away.

welcome to my beautiful home,
where you get ****** softly by life.

- Not sure where I wen't with this one :)

Tasted,
   dipped fingers into chocolate.
Figures;
  Glutenous Pig.
"Sorry";
    there goes the notion of trust. . .
Endless "hey cutie" inboxes;
   I picture doing it back.

yet I stay ,
   sick for your love,
I stay. . .

In this endless song.

-Stay

Some like solitude,
   but no one wants to be lonely. . .
500 square feet, quickly turns into a castle.
   needles and glass;
line ***** tiled floors.
   eyes roll back;
is this tranquility?
  
-I am lonely

Clinging to a rosary,
    I am but a devout fool.
idolizing a false pretense,
    for alone in the world. . .
I cling to false prophets in hopes,
   of knowing a feeling like the one between you and me.

Alone in this world,
I am a fool,
devout,
in love,
alone. . . .

Alone

Pop. . . a pill falls to the floor,
Buspirone. . . what a funny name.
Ardent images burn into flesh,
    love;
long lost.
    feelings;
of dread and a monster on the back.

Doctor says accept be inure of this life.
   but,
strangers do not fill the void,
passionless nights provide pleasure not comfort.
    let me dream;
       of my love in a constant state of Euphoria.
wallow;
   in my own delusion.
touch;
  on my skin
kiss;
  on my lips

I don't want to live another day,
so let me live in mental solitude
    clinging to a delusional love
       of false epiphanies.

-Epiphanies

Just know when you are lost
   and have nowhere to go;
       when you whisper,
and not even the echo rings.
      you will feel my love;
  feel my skin, feel my touch.
        and hear back;
   I'm here.

-Here

Plethora of eyes
  may this moment be sempiternal.
am I finally the jewel in the harem,
  I always find excuses for the inexcusable
  I always see the best in the worst
  I always drop the world for you only to be told "busy"
The eyes are always murmuring
  always clamoring
     always surround you
I want to yell,
but I am stuck in this never ending imbrication
slowly,
the good heart gives up,
the excuses dry up
you become the worst

sunny skies turn grey,
my sunshine no longer radiates.
and the evocative message sent finally hits.

-Good-

Let me tell you
   About a little boy
      who played house. .
         baked cookies
           dreamed of a family
              while wearing a dress. . .
Let me tell you
      About a little boy
         who ran
           from a group of boys
             blood splatted clothes
               while wearing a dress. . .
Let me tell you
         about a little boy
           who at 5
             said " I don't want to live anymore"
                holding himself at night
                  while wearing a dress. . .

This world is cruel,
   we crave love,
      we crave compassion
         only to find indifference.

That little boy was me.

Obscene ugly bird,
Thunderous scream, what rare song
Un-cage and be free

*Being different is freedom

Evanescent dreams,
   I am deaths epitome,
      lost my lover at 16,
         lost my friend at 23,
           then I lost my dog when do I feel lassitude.
why punish me with a plethora of death?
Such a resonant song,
susurrus voices
say " leap from zenith"
into true tranquility.

Falling apart,
  crack
      crack
         crack
           do you hear my heart. .
Hugging myself
        breathe
           breathe
              breathe
            please help me breathe.
Lay in the tub
          come up
             come up
               come up
            It's your voice I hear. .

Please let me flow towards the sun,
  let me drift towards you.
     let us meet once more, in another life.
          please help me. . .

I'm sorry,
   to everyone I ever loved.
     I am sorry to my mother,
        sorry to my father,
           sorry to my lover as he gazed down in regret.
               I don't know why. .
                    I honestly try,
                          I tell myself
                             STOP
                              STOP
                              STOP
                                 I'm sorry
                                    I remember the pumps
                                      The "Hold on"
                                         I'm sorry I want to see him once more. .
                                              I remember the lights
                                                 the cold white walls
                                                   under fluorescent light.
                                                       I will get help. .

But
I'm sorry I just want to see him again. .

-Relapse-

We live in endless dread,
    we are born to love. .
Under a burden of societal views,
and fear of solitude.
   Told,
we are incomplete alone.

Flawed,
   burdened,
      built to sadly love.

-Alone-

Cool desert breeze
   under the peach tree
      you told me you loved me . . .
         flowers bloomed, it was cliche. .
and just like the movies. . .
it came to an end. .
you were strong I was weak. .

you found him,
   and that was goodbye

I dreamed
   of changing the world
        I was wise.
           I wanted to change.
              To grow.
                 To Educate.
But. . .
then I found love. . .

-goodbye dreams-

Want every single piece of you,
want your kissing and your touch too.
I want you to treat me soft, but be rough too.
Friends laugh and say goodbye,
words of broken promises and bleeding hurt.
Hopelessly in love with you, I am deaf.
for baby I have drunk the poison of love,
for which we have no cure!
Yet I miss you,
toss and turn under the night,
when all the lights go out
it casts a shadow of doubt
tie me up
chain me down
throw away the key
don't let me walk
please. .
pull me in. .
hold me close. .
don't let go. .
for my heart has gone mad

-Only for you-

We are told that we are citizens of a nation,
  a nation so great and prideful,
     we are a gallant knight of freedom.
        Yet where is the freedom in choosing between two rapists.
               - Those are our choices America the beautiful-

CHOICES.

Life is deadly.
People are what they show, not what we see.
   We miss everything, daydreaming.
          All you do is wonder why?
             Friends to lovers,
                Lovers to friends,
                   Friends to an end. . .

Lights, marquees,
  3.5 million people
unpleasant smog, glass buildings
twinkle like night stars.

Cigarette smoke
  gin on the rocks
a lone over aged woman sings in the night
dry exhausted lips, underpaid dress

what is there to love
   when you let yourself go
      and now sit alone. . .

"hello"
turn around
to see freckles and ardent green eyes.
I was in love. . .

I was five. .
then came the bell. .
"goodbye"

-first love-

Little girl
   In this world
     You only live to serve. .  .

- it may never change-

You have such a bright mind,
     to live among such ignorant fool..

At the feet
   Beg.
Oran and cry
Be afraid.

Grab on
  don't let go
take flight
  into the light
love unconditionally

Weep. .
  find mercy. .
and kiss. . .
his feet. . .

forgive us. .
forgive me. .
forgive them. .

Take my life
  feel the heat
as it radiates and leaves. . .
let my heart become theirs.
  Atone once more for their sins. .
--take me to the promise land--

Can you hear it in the air?
Can you smell it through yours senses?
She dances the sweetest dance in spellbinding dazzle. . .
  Dressed in the black burning of children
  Storms of tears weep. . .
  --Yet she dances anew affixed to rebirth in continual dance--

Grow. . .