So many nights tears fell harder than rain;
     writing about you.
Used to look forward to death;
     To the day we once more met.
Yet, in endless agony;
     "He" made me love again.
So touch me, Hold me, Love me;
     So , I know I am not insane.
I used to be afraid to love;
     But, he  has me in love again.

-Sorry

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♡┃┃┈┃┃┃­┃┃┃┃┗━┓♡
♡┃┃┉┃┃┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛♡
♡┃┗━┓╰╯┃╰╯┃┗━┓♡
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♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡­♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

We are born
    to misery
To love, to lose, and to die.
      That is life. . .
          

-Interesting

All it takes;
   is one unwanted advance or stroke.
To inflict a lifetime of misery;
   self doubt and hate.
"forgive and forget";
    easier said then done.

let me just inflate my heart
   and let it fly away.

-Simple right?


..... (¯'v´¯)♥
.......•.¸.•´
....¸.•´
... (
☻/
/▌♥♥
/ \ ♥♥

The breeze blows the palm trees,
   in a serene hot desert like the barren wasteland of hell itself.
you hear the sway , but close your eyes to avoid the sand.

and in the cold polluted desolate nights,
sirens, crackheads on the corner of gas stations,
crickets and roaches critter under starless nights in purgatory,

A single baby cries,
  hookers wander the smoke filled night.
men and woman play their life away.

welcome to my beautiful home,
where you get ****** softly by life.

- Not sure where I wen't with this one :)

Tasted,
   dipped fingers into chocolate.
Figures;
  Glutenous Pig.
"Sorry";
    there goes the notion of trust. . .
Endless "hey cutie" inboxes;
   I picture doing it back.

yet I stay ,
   sick for your love,
I stay. . .

In this endless song.

-Stay

Some like solitude,
   but no one wants to be lonely. . .
500 square feet, quickly turns into a castle.
   needles and glass;
line ***** tiled floors.
   eyes roll back;
is this tranquility?
  
-I am lonely

Clinging to a rosary,
    I am but a devout fool.
idolizing a false pretense,
    for alone in the world. . .
I cling to false prophets in hopes,
   of knowing a feeling like the one between you and me.

Alone in this world,
I am a fool,
devout,
in love,
alone. . . .

Alone

Pop. . . a pill falls to the floor,
Buspirone. . . what a funny name.
Ardent images burn into flesh,
    love;
long lost.
    feelings;
of dread and a monster on the back.

Doctor says accept be inure of this life.
   but,
strangers do not fill the void,
passionless nights provide pleasure not comfort.
    let me dream;
       of my love in a constant state of Euphoria.
wallow;
   in my own delusion.
touch;
  on my skin
kiss;
  on my lips

I don't want to live another day,
so let me live in mental solitude
    clinging to a delusional love
       of false epiphanies.

-Epiphanies

Just know when you are lost
   and have nowhere to go;
       when you whisper,
and not even the echo rings.
      you will feel my love;
  feel my skin, feel my touch.
        and hear back;
   I'm here.

-Here

Plethora of eyes
  may this moment be sempiternal.
am I finally the jewel in the harem,
  I always find excuses for the inexcusable
  I always see the best in the worst
  I always drop the world for you only to be told "busy"
The eyes are always murmuring
  always clamoring
     always surround you
I want to yell,
but I am stuck in this never ending imbrication
slowly,
the good heart gives up,
the excuses dry up
you become the worst

sunny skies turn grey,
my sunshine no longer radiates.
and the evocative message sent finally hits.

-Good-

Let me tell you
   About a little boy
      who played house. .
         baked cookies
           dreamed of a family
              while wearing a dress. . .
Let me tell you
      About a little boy
         who ran
           from a group of boys
             blood splatted clothes
               while wearing a dress. . .
Let me tell you
         about a little boy
           who at 5
             said " I don't want to live anymore"
                holding himself at night
                  while wearing a dress. . .

This world is cruel,
   we crave love,
      we crave compassion
         only to find indifference.

That little boy was me.

Obscene ugly bird,
Thunderous scream, what rare song
Un-cage and be free

*Being different is freedom

Evanescent dreams,
   I am deaths epitome,
      lost my lover at 16,
         lost my friend at 23,
           then I lost my dog when do I feel lassitude.
why punish me with a plethora of death?
Such a resonant song,
susurrus voices
say " leap from zenith"
into true tranquility.

Falling apart,
  crack
      crack
         crack
           do you hear my heart. .
Hugging myself
        breathe
           breathe
              breathe
            please help me breathe.
Lay in the tub
          come up
             come up
               come up
            It's your voice I hear. .

Please let me flow towards the sun,
  let me drift towards you.
     let us meet once more, in another life.
          please help me. . .

I'm sorry,
   to everyone I ever loved.
     I am sorry to my mother,
        sorry to my father,
           sorry to my lover as he gazed down in regret.
               I don't know why. .
                    I honestly try,
                          I tell myself
                             STOP
                              STOP
                              STOP
                                 I'm sorry
                                    I remember the pumps
                                      The "Hold on"
                                         I'm sorry I want to see him once more. .
                                              I remember the lights
                                                 the cold white walls
                                                   under fluorescent light.
                                                       I will get help. .

But
I'm sorry I just want to see him again. .

-Relapse-

We live in endless dread,
    we are born to love. .
Under a burden of societal views,
and fear of solitude.
   Told,
we are incomplete alone.

Flawed,
   burdened,
      built to sadly love.

-Alone-

Cool desert breeze
   under the peach tree
      you told me you loved me . . .
         flowers bloomed, it was cliche. .
and just like the movies. . .
it came to an end. .
you were strong I was weak. .

you found him,
   and that was goodbye

I dreamed
   of changing the world
        I was wise.
           I wanted to change.
              To grow.
                 To Educate.
But. . .
then I found love. . .

-goodbye dreams-

Want every single piece of you,
want your kissing and your touch too.
I want you to treat me soft, but be rough too.
Friends laugh and say goodbye,
words of broken promises and bleeding hurt.
Hopelessly in love with you, I am deaf.
for baby I have drunk the poison of love,
for which we have no cure!
Yet I miss you,
toss and turn under the night,
when all the lights go out
it casts a shadow of doubt
tie me up
chain me down
throw away the key
don't let me walk
please. .
pull me in. .
hold me close. .
don't let go. .
for my heart has gone mad

-Only for you-

We are told that we are citizens of a nation,
  a nation so great and prideful,
     we are a gallant knight of freedom.
        Yet where is the freedom in choosing between two rapists.
               - Those are our choices America the beautiful-

CHOICES.

Life is deadly.
People are what they show, not what we see.
   We miss everything, daydreaming.
          All you do is wonder why?
             Friends to lovers,
                Lovers to friends,
                   Friends to an end. . .

Lights, marquees,
  3.5 million people
unpleasant smog, glass buildings
twinkle like night stars.

Cigarette smoke
  gin on the rocks
a lone over aged woman sings in the night
dry exhausted lips, underpaid dress

what is there to love
   when you let yourself go
      and now sit alone. . .

"hello"
turn around
to see freckles and ardent green eyes.
I was in love. . .

I was five. .
then came the bell. .
"goodbye"

-first love-

Little girl
   In this world
     You only live to serve. .  .

- it may never change-

You have such a bright mind,
     to live among such ignorant fool..

At the feet
   Beg.
Oran and cry
Be afraid.

Grab on
  don't let go
take flight
  into the light
love unconditionally

Weep. .
  find mercy. .
and kiss. . .
his feet. . .

forgive us. .
forgive me. .
forgive them. .

Take my life
  feel the heat
as it radiates and leaves. . .
let my heart become theirs.
  Atone once more for their sins. .
--take me to the promise land--

Can you hear it in the air?
Can you smell it through yours senses?
She dances the sweetest dance in spellbinding dazzle. . .
  Dressed in the black burning of children
  Storms of tears weep. . .
  --Yet she dances anew affixed to rebirth in continual dance--

Grow. . .

Why can't we hold one another in the street?
Why can't we kiss and hold hands?
Why do you pretend I am a friend?

Are you afraid,
   of dark eyes all around
I can't stop silent tears
  I know we have to hide
why is our love hopeless?

I want to shout
   from the rooftop
   from the street
I want to
   kiss
   hold hands
I want others to know
   I am not just a friend. . .

Is it so hard to simply be yours-

In my lowest,
   came the "hello"
Alluring eyes
   I'll admit
It was love at first sight.

    Endless hours
& words expressed
     Did you hear it echoing?
the heartbeat?

Beautiful Smiles
   Fiery kisses
empty bottles
    ***** sheets.

Paragraphs
  turned into "ok."
and an unread
you set off a dream in me.
Can you hear the echoing?
of my heartbeat?

Shattered dreams
   Empty tears
a one night stand
   but not for me. . .

this love is not enough.
--for me--

I don't write about flying
I try not to write about love
try not to write about me
try not to write about death
try not to write about ****

I write critiques
  Yet I am down and I am out
       So I look at others for inspiration
& look in the mirror
only to see. . .

Hypocrisy,
**** A STEP DOWN FROM !Intellectualism!
   a partaker in mimetic creation in and endless state of iterability
        ! a charlatan of false truth!
             a poet for god sake!
                  a poet
                      a failure
                             yet
                                 I do not awake
                                          from this sweet dream
                                                 !please god! let me not wake!

. . .First I lost myself. . .
     . . .Then I lost my mind. . .
          . . .and then I lost my life. . .

-ignored my cries in my plea for life-

She had given up
     Danced through the night
                   In a bubble in limbo
                      She hit such a low
                         Yet, through exuberant eyes
                              Shrouded in mystery
                                   He broke down her wall
                                       when she had given up the fight
                                         black hair turns to gray
                                            Yet, through exuberant eyes
                                                            ­  of absolute anguish
                                                         ­          her teams stream her soul
                                                            ­                                   for all to see
for he broke down her wall
the stream flows
she sinks slowly down
covered hearts in kisses disappear
into a broken heart

given into despair
she dances through the night
in limbo once more

praying until they meet again. . .

Why is there shame?
    Why do we adopt a different tongue?
        Why do we call ourselves "ghetto not from this nation"

While Abuela rolls in her grave
  Each wrinkle a reminder of our greatness
      Each reminder  a moment of greatness once passed.

Do we call ourselves American to fit in?
   How do we face Montezuma,
      Our nation suffers and burns,
          Devils demonize
              Children Cry
                 Separated from mothers arms
                    In the name of Freedom!


So why is there shame?
    The rain a reminder of a tears of a once great nation
        Pillaged and burn our bodies became the bridge
          Our hands built this empire
             Our people yet are still slaves.

Where is the shame?
     Mother speaks in broken English
        Families laugh and our culture continues. . .

Stolen land, tears, indigenous **** time does not erase.
Nor should it erase our ANGER
But our people preach love not hate.
Once more we are beneath the masters boot.
Modern Day Slaves

But there is no shame,
for our culture exists,
even after the destruction of our once great state.

Keep the door closed
    for the love to erupt
Keep the light off
    for the trigger to spark
Look away from me
    for my pride not to break
Make me yours
    Don't talk, Don't be rough, for it reminds me of him

  -- Why do I not allow myself to love?--

Take my hand,
Share this moment
        I'll admit
I am afraid.

         Take the plunge
Into the deep
          Let us love without complexities,
straightforwardly.

        Take my hand,
feel my beat,
        feel the sweat
I am scared
        You're scared
but let our hearts beat in-unison
         as we steal stars from the night sky.
  --for our love to shine bright in our discomposure--

******
        Ignorant
                    Flattery

when did poets become so
       --miniscule--
constantly partaking within a state of iterability
        Plato rolls in the grave
while Derrida weeps.

                         Sad state of iterability.

Bombs are falling in the name of freedom
limbless soulless children peer into the thin veil of the heart
only to find a populous succumb to normalcy !
Plague is upon us, the planet is dying
nobody speaks for the trees,
for we must satisfy an infallible thirst to destroy.
Yet they cling to the beads,
get on their knees
pray to a deity

I humbly ask
"where is god"

                as this world turns to suffering
                poor get poorer
children starve
mothers cry
and fathers **** themselves

"where is god"

has he abandoned us?
for we have become his greatest mistake. . .

Individualization
                              is praised
                                         instagrammers become the plato of the day
                               But did you ever see yourself
for you are just meat like me.


When did we lose sight of importance.

What
         if
           the
                 world
                           was
                                 like
                                       two
                                               souls
                                                          t­hat
                                                             ­     conjoin
What
           if
                the
                    souls
                ­            were
                                  just
         ­                               &
                                           right
                                                 dancing
                                                               in
                                                              ­     harmony
                
Leaving us in a state of endless ecstasy
                     --flowers for bombs—
                            No races, religion or ***
         in the phantasmal state.

       Stars pass and time is endless like a life age on earth
Timeless—
  Then I hear the neighbor sing, ****, never mind we are in a
         endless purgatory