The sky is brighter today, the air smells different.
Free of the stale promises, the flowers bloom a new path
unburdened by the weight of your lies and games.

No longer a ghoul, that haunts me in our own home.
No more whispers, no more glares,
No longer feeling the disappointment in my actions.

Life is a rainbow of multiple colors,
bursting from the clouded storm,
that shrouded my laughter, my forgotten melody re-learned

This is my time, this is my dance,
My spotlight, your words "it's over" guides me,
To draw myself ( loving myself), a masterpiece in progress,
you broke me, stripped me, caused me to hide,
but no longer, I am living for me,
I have the right to live life,
the right to be happy,
the right to live without you.

Within this sea, I find myself lost,
a lone ship, sailing across the tumultuous waves of my heart,
waves of passion, that break my hull.
Whispering confusion and discord, a sirens act.

I long to take the plunge, let its darkness and depths envelope.
To explore what could be, what is already taking place,
But my brain, the past trauma, and experiences anchor me down,
whisper of past flames, that sow doubt, that I cannot escape.

Therefore, I push you away, and choose this desolate place,
above your seas, my heart yearns for you, but this fear
keeps me from drowning into you,
I want to take the leap of love,
but these chains of a past flame hold me at bay,

I stand on the edge,
longing in desolate perpetude,
torn between the leap, and staying afloat,
to risk my hear again, or stay safe, longing in this solitude.

I would give him a piece of my mind
Scream
Tell him how every single problem I have is his fault
But even then
He wouldn't get it

He'd say I'm crazy
That I'm young
That my mom got in my head
When she's the one who says not to argue
He doesn't understand that I still have feelings
And opinions
And that they come from me

He sends me a message
I want to respond
"*******"
I even typed it out
But don't send it

He would go insane
And my mom would suffer from that
So I just say
"Okay"

Bite my tongue
Be grateful it's not worse
Take the manipulations
But make sure to record it for later
So I can recognize them

I might love him
To some extent
He is my father after all
But I can't remember a time
When I had liked him
As a parent
Or a person

I don't say any of it

Is she worth it, the stress, the pain, the hurt?
The tears as you beg her not to leave.
Is it her smile? That brings you comfort and warmth?
Is it her anger and jealousy? That makes you feel wanted?
Is the scratches or the bruises? I hear your reasons why.
She breaks your heart, steals your pride.
Leaving you shattered, incomplete,
She is a parasite, that has you caught in her treacherous tide.
I want to yell, I love you, I am here for you, be happy.
But I know you don't love me in that way,
But you are strong enough, my friend, to love yourself,
to choose yourself, to leave.

This orchestra within my heart,
its constant hum, it takes over my soul.
Each string that is strung, each swing of the bow,
a reminder of the lost thats lost, and this yearning.

I yearn to see your face, your eyes,
I could have done more for you,
I could have re-done that moment,
I could have, I could have, I could have,
Please, stop this endless whisper in my heart.
I could have done more, I could have been more,
I could have loved more, I could have, I could have, I could have.
End it all, please, end this damnation,
For me to meet you once more.

Barefoot, on the concrete porch.
Quiet smiles and loving eyes.
We were young, dumb, but not naive.
Finding solace in one another's embrace,
yearning for love, but knowing its only lust.
For a second we built a world within this lie,
quiet understanding youthful truce.
we loved for a second in time,
amidst the ordinary beauty of life's simple refrains,
you kissed me goodbye, "I'll call you later", that was a life.
We both knew, our love was ardent and fast,
a refuge from the storm of solitude.