I'm your father
I want you to read this very carefully
I want you to understand something
I love you
I will always be proud of you
I'm 17 years old now
You are just a thought
You do not exist yet
But I want to tell you this now
Just in case I never come home again
I love you
I want you to know
I wish I could be there for your birthday
Wrap the presents on Christmas
Give you the keys to the car
When you're on your first date
I want to give you the money
So you can buy whatever you want
But if circumstances arise and conflict that
Know my dear son
I love you
I will be watching over you
You are a Guerrero
A warrior
So bear through the obstacles
Stay in school
Get good grades
Don't make the mistakes I have made
Love ever minute of your life
It's fragile and still young
I want to watch you get married
Become the man I never was
Son I love you
You have made me proud
And you haven't even been born yet
Nor have I even consummated with your mother
But I want you to know
I am a part of you
I want you know nothing of me
Just know I am your father
That I love you
That I am proud of you
Son you have a bright future
Just never let anybody say you are worthless
Don't fight with your mother
She loves you
She had to adjust to taking care of you
I wish you never have to read this
Because if you do
Then that means I am deceased and gone
But know I love you
I wish I could be there to give you the things
I was never blessed with
I want you to know
I have been through a lot
And my biggest mistake I will make
Is not being there for you
When you come out of your mother
I want to cry when I see you
I want to hold you
I want to tell you I love you
Look into your eyes
And say "You're a better man than I"
Son I  love you
Never stop moving
Go forward and turn the world upside down
You made me proud
Long before you were born
Because you are my son
And I know you will go farther than me
Because you know I love you
Son Ti amo
Ask your mom what that means
You're not alone
I'm in your veins
I'm every breath you take
I'm you because you are me
You're my son
So son, go far
When it feels like a dream
That's when it is real

                                                 Sincerely, Your Father,
                                                              Robert L. Guerrero

P.S. I love you
Good night
Sweet dreams
Tell your mom I love her
Tell her good night for me

She's been sent as a test,
to see how I handle the stress.
That's my guess.
And I've handled her well,
as she seeks to discredit me,
get at me,
push all my buttons.
She pushes and pokes,
and provokes.
But I'm not going to bite,
'cos she's wrong and I'm right.
So I'm playing the long game.
Staying the same,
being me.
Unperturbed by relentless
attacks on my work.
And it's working,
I'm learning,
I'm earning my stripes.
Growing up,
showing up.
Being sure of myself.
Dismissing the thoughts
that seek vengeance.
To stoop to her level.
'Cos I've been there before,
and it didn't work out.
She can shout all she likes,
and I'll never shout back.
'Cos I'm better than that.

I want you.
I want to sit with you, in an apartment that's ours.
I want to buy furniture with you.

I want to eat Indian food with you,
and watch stupid sitcoms that are on tv with you.

I want to adopt a cat with you.
I want to read books while holding hands with you.

I want to cuddle with you for hours when it's raining outside.
Hell, I want to get caught in that rain with you.

I want to dance to my Frank Sinatra record collection.
I want it to be our collection.

I want to drive, really really far with you.
Like, really far.
I want to spend that much time in a confined space with you.

I want to run to Waffle House with you at three in the morning when we're high.
So, I want to get high with you.

I want to come home, to our home, and just be with you.
I want to sit down and file tax returns with you.

But, more than anything,
I want you to be happy.

So, if that means
you want nothing to do with me, then
I want you to forget me.

If you don't want to see me again,
I want to disappear.

If you want to run away from me, like I'm a problem,
I want to run in the opposite direction.

But, if one day,
you want me in return,
I'll be there.
You're all I've ever wanted,
and all I ever will want.

I am the
SAME
as you

I work in your community
I live in your world
I contribute
(too much)
to Capitalism
by frequenting your local stores
and buying
WAY
more items than
I need

I vote for your President
your Congress
your Governor,
I participate in politics because
I care
about the way
our world
functions.

And yet I'm not equal
I'm not "the same."

As if any of us even know what being
"the same"
means anymore

When I dated men you
ALL
applauded me, praised me

Even when I dated total
*******
people said,

"Well you're just too good for him.
But you're such a great person for
being able to see past his
'rough' exterior"

I saw past
SO MANY
'rough exteriors'

And I was miserable
And I forced myself to
PRETEND
to be happy.
And loved
And love-ING.

But then
SHE
walked into my life.

SHE
had been there for awhile,
but I shoved the feelings to the side
because they're
NOT RIGHT

NOT
acceptable

NOT
real

NOT
important

Be with a man they say.
And I followed their rules.

Which lead to alcoholism
drugs
depression
suicide after suicide after suicide,
never
accomplished.

Which reinforced the fact that
my life would be full of
Failure.

And then came the kiss
(when my lips met her perfect lips)
that opened my eyes,
and changed my life.

Now, I may be
Unequal
Rejected
Frowned upon

BUT

There is no frown upon
my face.

For my world is
Complete
Authetic
Rewarding
Real

And I wouldn't change that
to cultivate the appearance of
Equal.