I long for the adventure
the taste of your lips
the venture of your skin
the abandonment of your ecstasy

I need for your touch
be it sensual or friendly
to be in your arms is the greatest pleasure
your eyes the most beautiful reward

I crave all that you are
each stolen glance brings me pain
a beautiful pain full of need
That of which I feel nothing else

I think on you often
The rough lilt of your  voice
The penetrating quality of your stare
I adore your idiosyncratic personality

I lust after your need
It is a beautiful thing
when you tell me you need me
I almost believe you

I wallow in the shame of a want so deep
I accept my desire
I tell you silently of it each day
I need you to hear me as I inwardly shout

I love you

I can scream too
I can shout
I can kick up the dust
And threaten to **** myself

I can raise my fist
And rage and scream at the world
Take the car and run
And splurge
Take no concern for my actions

No need for consequences
Because **** the world
I can go depressed too
I can sulk too

I worked to get what I wanted
And when I spend
Not with my money
I feel sorry
Because there is guilt

I did not have anyone
I was locked up
I was expected to stay home
Do the chores
As my mother expects me to

Wait for the weekend
Wait for my siblings
Only to see the beam on my mother's face
When her son comes home

It ebbed me to see that
When I felt like I couldn't bring joy to her
And I bite my tongue
Fight myself to think it's satan's lie

Home alone
Stuck in a small house
No privacy
Because I can't even have a decent conversation
With my best friend
Without having eavesdropped

I can't cry out loud too
Because they might hear
My room door is spoiled
It can't be locked
No privacy
No escape

Stay home
There is so much to do
Clean the windows
Cut the grass
Have you swept the floor?
What have you done the whole day?
That strain in her voice

Now I can't do that
Because I am miles away
But the anger is still in me
I didn't know it was

Until someone else throws a tantrum
That is just selfish
That is very selfish
I suffered too
And I did not have anyone to rely on

Though I did have my books
My old canine friend
The internet that sometimes harmed
And my dreams

This is my dream
Then why this,
Why this?