Life changes fast.
You may think,
Youve reached the end of the story.
But little did you know
A new book comes out,
Adding more to the elaborate plot.
You may think,
Where you stand is forever,
But one minute your on the gound,
And the next your paramount.

Three hours.
Three hours is how fast,
The rollercoaster I'm on goes.
And hes the conductor.
And when i finially thought ,
I have gained control,
I go through a loop,
And my mind is twisted.

I don't understand,
The feelings you have.
And you need to understand,
You don't know mine.
If you could only see,
How desparatley ive been trying,
How much I've been shuned,
What I went throught.
Then maybe,
Just maybe,
You can make a conclusion.
Talk to me.
Just talk.
Why don't we talk.
If your just as confused as i am,
If everything i thought,
My wildest dreams,
Are in fact today true,
Why does your face show a different story?
Can you change at the drop of a hat?
Like i can.
Can you change if you read my book?
Have you tried?

I know there was electricity,
That i thought was dead.
Maybe theres a spark left.
But the one who i trust most
Cut our conection.
Can we fix it?
Thats what i want-
thats what i NEED
to know.
You have loved ,
As i have loved you.
Can we go back?
Why are you,
Broken too?

My worst nightmare has come true,
My skies are filled with black,
Not blue.
I never thought,
This could be true.
But we all have to die one day,
So be gone the dream of you.
I'm sick to my stomach.
I'm dizzy and tired.
I never thought Brutus,
Would take my empire.
So now I lie down on the ground,
Cold as stone.
Because that's where you want me,
This is my new home.
Ripped apart.
Limb by limb.
Crushing dreams,
That should never of been.
She took my crown,
That I stepped up for.
She took my love.
My heart is torn.
Didn't listen to others.
And now im shattered.
I'll be here for a while,
Because nothing else matters.
So believe what you want.
It's all twisted.
I had a chance,
But I guess I missed it.
Now that it's gone
I get to lie,
With betrayal,
Embarrassment,
And heartbreak,
Close by my side.
.

Im confused.
I can not allow myself to be happy,
To feel loved.
And when it is expressed to me,
I brush it off my shoulder.
As though it ment nothing.
And that's the problem.
It does mean something,
But im not sure what.
Maybe smiles,
Laughter,
Squinted eyes,
And rosy cheeks.
Those memories
And good feelings I give you,
You are now trying to express back to me.
But maybe you have different memories.
You do see the laughter and smiles,
But maybe a pretty girl,
With bright eyes
Appeared first.
A warm, cozy feeling wraps you,
As it did for me.
Or maybe you think nothing.
And these over analyzing of thoughts,
Leads me down a dark road.
A lonely memory,
An old way of life
Flashes back.
Dispare,
Awkwardness,
Shyness,
Agravation,
Self- loathing feelings
Raindown apon me.
So I can't think of the positve you see in me.
Even when you tell me to love you,
And show me with open arms
That it's okay,
I just can't.
I'm broken.
Maybe you can't see,
But I cannot accept-
The love that i so desperately want,
The friendship that I need to establish,
Affection,
Attention,
That I crave with every fiber of my being.
But I can't show it.
So I've built an invisible bulletproof wall.
You, my friend may not see it,
But I can tell you sense it's presence.
And that fact alone,
Kills me.
I so desparatley want to tear it down,
Too feel your warm presence,
But it's for your own good,
        my own good.
Because if I show my friendship,
And express my love,
And give you everything I've been holding back
For so long,
...
It's simply too much.
Im too much for you to bare.
       For anyone to bare.
So I'd rather go completely numb to the world,
Than loose sight of you.
And that is already in progress.
I know I'm just another,
But I'm different.
And thar's why I'm confused.
I train myself to think like everyone else,
But I have a different perspective.
So I keep my distance,
Which slowly breaks our bond,
Along with my weary heart.
But it 's for the best.
I'd rather be eased off into loneliness,
than having the whole world one day,
And loosing it the next.
Because that has happened.
And I can not go on if history repeat itself.
So here I sit.
In the corner,
Watching everyone dance to the music.
And then I think,
Maybe your confused too.

I dont know myself anymore.
Its crazy to think that,
Almost every minute,
And every second
Is just a big show.
The laughing,
The smiles,
The sarcasm,
Is that really me?
Who am I?
I walk past a mirror
I stop and look,
To see a new person
I didn't know last year.
Why do we change?
Are we always in some phase?
I study my face.
I never thought
I would become this girl.
We simply cannot
Just stop from becoming older
And blossoming
Into a new being.
Yet feel so young.
I want to hold on.
My memories keep me sane,
From the madness of myself.
Always changing.
Always growing.
Gaining new opinions.
I think of me.
Then I think of what you see.
And my mind goes blank.
You might be questioning too,
what i think of you.
Do you know yourself?
Does anyone their full self?
What you will  be like
One,
Five,
Ten,
Twenty years from now?
The answer is no.
But one thing i do know,
We are all good at heart.
But we change,
We adapt to the circumstances
That we are either
blessed into,
Or cursed into.
Its all a big gamble on who we are.
Who we become.
What we like
Or dislike.
I look at the girl once more.
I study her intensly.
That image now burned
Into my mind,
Into my heart.
I leave the mirror
And walk on my path.
Knowing that I will never see
That exact same girl
Ever again.
But i will always remember.
So please don't forget
The person you are
Or that little girl
You saw in the mirror.
Because she may be disapointed,
To see who she now is now.

How could I be so stupid?
How could I be so blind?
To think we'd be together,
And I'd get to call you mine.
But the words she has shared with me,
Shock me more than they should.
They reveal your hidden truth.
That could keep me away for good.
But that's great!
That's where I want to be.
Moved on with my life.
Happy and free.
Free from the paranoia.
Free from all the pain.
Free from the heartache.
I'd soon begin to gain.

So now I've built this wall.
Between you and me.
Knowing I'm just another option,
That you don't really need.
Her powerful words surround me.
But your eyes see right through.
Wait, Are you really that way?
Could she be the only one who knew?
My head is spinning,
Between her thoughts and mine.
Okay, yeah she knows you well.
But did you change over time?

Your a very secretive person.
Which leaves my friend to guess.
About your true intentions.
And who you want to impress.
So she weaves an intricate web,
Of theories and impressions.
But just because you talked to her,
She guesses your confessions.
Confessions about love.
Confessions about her.
But the next day- it's another girl.
And tomorrow this will occur.

So should I make assumptions?
Is that fair at all?
I could be making a mistake,
With either me or you to fall?
But then again,
I feel like crap,
When I'm with you.
Its like a trap.
I want to assume,
I want a conclusion.
But your so **** complex,
Its like an illusion.

So right now I feel replaced.
And you didn't mean to do that.
But I'm not so sure anymore.
Because her words are tall and fat.
They hide my old perceptions.
It's like a slap in the face,
I see you from a different angle,
From a different time and place.

I think i need my own opinions,
Her's are far too deep.
So deep they don't make any sense.
And they could crumble at my feet.
But I don't judge until Iknow
The entire truth.
You are still a mystery.
And I am not a sleuth.

So I'll keep her words in the back of my mind,
And I'll keep you there as well.
Because if one thing's for sure,
Your too complex to tell.
So I'll keep smiling and laughing.
Straining to be myself.
And with the headache of you,
I hope to leave of the shelf.

I feel like I'm running in circles.
Never getting to my destination.
I pack my bags,
Pay for the ticket.
But end up at the same train station.

It's an ongoing battle.
That I see so many win.
So I gather my weapons,
Put on my armor.
But your end is where I begin.

I want to say it's easy.
But I don't know know that yet.
I try so very hard.
Just to start all over,
Well who woulden't be upset?

But I have to keep going.
I have to make it through.
So I'll keep running,
I'll keep fighting.
At least I'm trying, unlike you.

I hope you noticed.
I hope you saw me go.
I hoped you turned around,
To see my foot prints in the snow.

I hope you feel hurt.
I hope you care.
I hope you went to turn to me,
To see i was no longer there.

I hope I mean something.
I hope the something is good.
I hope im not annoying,
And I did what i should.

I hope you feel a loss.
I hope you feel blue.
I hope you feel cold,
With all your friends around you.

I hope you feel betrayed.
I hope you feel discusted.
I hope you feel dissapointed,
That our friendship is pretty rusted.

I hope you feel regret.
I hope you feel pain.
I hope you know whos fault it is,
And your the one you blame.

I hope you know I walked away.
I hope you missed my goodbye.
Oh how I hope so many things,
When I'm just about to cry.