if I were to choose between death by fire or ice,
I would pick the latter
in a quiet way it creeps onto you
crawling all over,
and suddenly you don't feel a thing,
as if preserved in your own form,
soundly you sleep.

my mind works in endless circles
churning and crashing
to find brilliancy in things
to perhaps be a pioneer even at this time,
invent or revamp,
prove my soul worthy and wishing for  fame
but I lie in here feeling worthless,
with nothing to my name.

I wish we never broke up.

I was greedy and wanted more
I am sorry

I was miles away from you
I couldn't help feeling lonely
I am sorry

I thought I couldn't love you
I am sorry

I tried to make myself love someone else
someone who could be by myself
I am sorry

the truth is,
I loved you five years ago,
and I love you now
you think that I am a liar
I am sorry

you found someone else
I am sorry

I want you back.
but I know you don't.
I am sorry.

I want to make it right.
I want to make you mine
I am finally stepping into the city you live in
for a year
I am finally close to you physically
but you don't want to see me
and I am sorry

right now, all I can say is
I am sorry
and even that can't change anything

I am sorry.

like sharp pain through my heart
And the sting in my eyes,
I may not understand the full meaning of heartache
but whatever it is,
that dull, swollen feeling
that seems to ******* me
from doing things I once loved

stripped me of all happiness
and life

darkness in my veins
is crawling up my arm
inch by inch,
I am engulfed.

my skin has lost it's color,
warmth and
I am cold as ice.
skin that is tightened around bones and muscles
no longer hold wrinkles and hang loose

tightness in my chest
I can hardly breathe
pain - my biggest fear
I can almost ******* tears

I lie in bed for what seemed like years
crying to myself
I thought the end was near
but I awoke hours later
to find myself only worse

drowning in the misery
my mind had created
every moment of it so frightening
every moment it feels like I'm dying

I should be happy
but maybe it is difficult sometimes
to remember pleasantries and surprises
beautiful things that land on our shoulders, like butterflies
but only remember how the devil
would rush in with darkness,
cloud memories and logic
- everything that you once thought you understood
gets washed away by rain and tears,
but you got to stand up and face your fears
the one thing we say when facing death:
"not today"