You're quiet
So you must be stupid.
You're alone
So I pity you.
You speak softly
So you must be afraid.
You're different
So you must have not been raised properly.

... *******

Im quiet because I  like to listen.
Im quiet because people like you have silenced me in to submission.
Im alone because I love myself, of it all.
Im alone because I avoid people like you,
who cant cant love in general.
I speak softly because speaking loud is intimidating.
I speak softly because I never spoke when I was young, and my insecurity is fading.
Im different because I dont want to be like you.
Im different because Im okay with me
and if you actually knew me, you would be okay with me too.

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

You don't walk in straight lines.
You curve and weave and go right through where you want.
It reminds me of the time you decided to write on your arm.
You didn't need any ink,
"That's what the blood is for," you said.
"Have you ever done this before?"
No I hadn't,
But you convince me I've been through enough to want to.
You had me under the influence,
But the "influence" is much bigger than drugs.

i tried writing something here,
it sounded beautiful in my head.

all that came out of it was
"you forgot me"

like the books you'd buy for sunday reading.

I can’t let you win, again
From the moment I saw you I knew I lost
I knew that things were over before it started because I was in love
When you fall in love you lose, and that’s just the way it is
All power was taken from beneath my feet
Swept me up like dust under a rug and dragged me across the floor
It stood up and laughed at me because I was weak
And there’s no room for weakness here
But your presence made my body writhe with satisfaction
Kissing my body, and your hands tracing down my spine
You made my body dance and move like no other
Reacting to all the glides of your fingers on the small of my back
Your breath, creeping down my neck
My body burning with passion
But once you felt the pressure you stopped
You showed me who was in control
You gave up and left me to fiend for myself
It was like it never happened
You walked away and I have to too,
Because the moment I come crawling back..
Game over

I lost control in your room.

My head hit the pillow
My breathing became shallow
Gasping, trying to hold it together.

Nothing registered into my mind
I couldn't hear a single sound
Except my mantra,
Keep it together
Do not *****
Spinning around and around.

I was shaken to my core
I didn't think I could control it anymore
Until you wrapped your arms around me
Anchoring me to the floor.

You brought my face to your chest
Caressed my hair and cheek
And my breaths hissed
And tears fell
Each one of them meeting your kiss.

It's okay
You are safe
I've got you
You can let it out
I love you

You had a mantra of your own.

And you held me for God knows how long
Making sure the feeling was completely gone.
Even when my breaths became fuller
And the tears had subsided
You still held me close
Because the trigger had decided
To enter my mind and start at me again.

And then it officially stopped
My anxiety finally left once more
And you were the only thing in the world
Keeping me anchored to the floor.