I'm too afraid to say it
'cause that would make it real
I don't want anyone to worry,
it's really no big deal
and if you get concerned
then don't ask me how I feel
because I am choking on summer sun much too hot,
and I am dying in Arizona on a Sunday night
and I am dancing on a tabletop in a bar
and I am stealing a drag from secondhand smoke
and I won't say the word that I know is true
It's too big a mouthful
And if I can't handle it, how could you?

I am planning for a future that doesn't yet exist
I have calculated salaries I don't have
morgages for homes I don't own
hospital bills I don't yet need
I'm not sure if I have ever existed in the moment
At least,
Not this moment and not the next
I wish I could stay in my bed all day
A small patter of rain, a moment of peace, without boredom
I fail, of course,
I always seem to continue with my other plan
I keep my head down low
I keep myself shrunk into a sliver, barely a slice of a shadow
And I wonder why I'm not happy
And I wonder why nothing ever happens
And I wonder why I feel guilty all the time

Dandelions

So pretty you are
swaying in the wind
pretty dandelion owning
your own spring
Spring is here
each flower dancing in the wind
Your color is yellow golden
you are loved by the bees
One of nature's beauty you are to me

- Kay Lyn

Humanity i love you
because you would rather black the boots of
success than enquire whose soul dangles from his
watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both

parties and because you
unflinchingly applaud all
songs containing the words country home and
mother when sung at the old howard

Humanity i love you because
when you’re hard up you pawn your
intelligence to buy a drink and when
you’re flush pride keeps

you from the pawn shop and
because you are continually committing
nuisances but more
especially in your own house

Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it’s there and sitting down

on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity

i hate you

I'm just
SO TIRED OF MOVING!
I could barely bring myself to
pack up my toothbrush
it has been sitting in the same orange mug
for months now and
I need to move it?
my shampoo is now zipped away in a plastic baggy
and my hair ties strangle my brush
all that remains are my
pyjamas and tomorrow's clothes.
How quickly it all can change
one day I was
settling in, welcomed by a hug and
one day I was only,
eating dinner with you, made vegetarian for me and
one day I was alone at home and it was all okay and now
I need to move?
I hope you wish I could stay as much as I want to
I hope you think about me at dinner where there is no plate or cup
I hope when you walk past my door you get a
bittersweet smile
and you think about me for a few seconds of time
I now I will think about you each time they
do something slightly off
a little
too different than you would
and I
WANT TO GO HOME
I've been gone for far too long
(!)
but that would mean I need to
PACK IT ALL UP
and GET ON A PLANE
and it's just a little while longer
hold on sweetie, hold on