you exude grace
yet clumsiness
you make people laugh
yet you cry
you love others
yet hate yourself
you put a fake smile
yet you play happy so well

dont play games with me
i see what is wrong
just know i love you
and im here

complex questions
revolving around that head of yours
im here to answer
to comfort
to ease your flustered state
complex questions
so easy to answer
just ask
and i promise
to take away the frustration
just ask

when the eyes show age
but actions speak youth

when the lips smile
but tears drop

when the hands feel warm
but secretly tremble

when the face proves bravery
but pounding unsteadily the heart skips

when the laughter is pushed
but pain is whats true

brass wires
folding and twisting
the body
becoming unknown
the patient smile gone
the truth gone
enemies becoming friends
with a blink of an eye
the giving is not wanted by the receiver
hands worn
sweat dried
the giving is not wanted

the scars will last
but my care will not
your screams will be loud
but my ears will not hear
the memories will linger
but my pain will fade
your anger will build
but my apathy will remain

we float by each other
every day
not giving one another a second glance
we just pass
and head to our destination
we're ghosts to each other
i only hope we collide one day
saying a hello
shyly waving a good bye
we're like ghosts
but one day we'll collide
and that will change everything

Just give me one more second
with you
in our favorite spot
please
will you come back for just one more second
because you never let me say goodbye
i want that second to be filled
with you in my arms
looking up to me with those eyes
and the muttering words of
i love you
will you for the love of anything
give me one more second

your smile fading
an effect added to this sad sad movie
the movie we're in
yes
of course
this is just an act
just an hour long act
we'll be done soon
you'll be able to get up from that bed
to jump around
and sing like you did last night
its only a movie we're in
make sure you know that
make sure you know
this is all an act
so wake up at the end of this hour
for it is only an act

our story was erased
by the way you left
and how you stayed
our story will not be told
by who we were
and who i am
our story will live
by the emotions
and the facts
our story
will only be known
by me

I hate the games we play
as if im cat
and you're holding onto string

you keep pulling away
but luring me near

playing my hopes
and thinking its all for fun

i will get that string one day
and hold it till the end of time

i love that string
and will one day make it mine.

i don't enjoy the games
but i can't help but still play

please no games
no lies
no fakes
please just be you
funny
and smart
please tell me
when something is wrong
when something is right
please dont protect me
from you
or what you you think you are
please oh please
be mine

play the part
the part of your character
the character
which the puppet master has created

we all dance
and laugh
simply putting on a show
for the evil puppet master

he watches with a giggle
creating new ideas
to entertain
his sick puppet master mind

as we laugh
and cry
to the demand
of our puppet master

we enjoy when he's happy
and suffer
when he is down
for he is the puppet master

we cannot fight back
for he calls the shots
and if he senses a rebel
scissors will be in the hand of our puppet master

don't irritate him
he has a temper
and a sick sense of humor
for he is our puppet master

Worthless
Waste of space
time
money
oxygen
Selfish
Self absorbed
naive
arrogant
liar
A Piece of Crap
that people get annoyed with
from stepping on
and slide your nothingness away against the
hot
rough
concrete
Worthless
is what you have made of yourself

it has happened
if you enjoyed the moment
don't make anything more of it
remember the stirred feelings
of excitement
of fear
of lust
if you felt at that moment
that everything is okay
then it was
and don't regret that feeling

eyes strained
never looking away from screen
waiting for a response
that tiny little screen
giving me nothing
but impatience
the response takes its time
as my fingers start to tap
the screen still dark
as my eyes start to close
the screen still dark
as i wait for the response
nothing coming
i want
no
need to know
but the screen is still dark
as i drift to sleep
dreaming
of the response

when someone you love
is gone
you want to say you still love them
but can you love someone
who isn't there
who you can't
talk to
hold onto
or rely on
not imaginary
just gone
can you love someone
who will never return

minds scattered
sensing every new feeling
missing the obvious
going through the day unknowing
of the simple
and over complicating
everything
minds scatter
when overwhelmed
or when distracting itself
don't stay scattered
don't make life harder
do enjoy the simplicity
that scattered minds deprive you of

I want you back
but your gone for good
I want to turn back time
but my watch is broken
and what would be the difference
I want the time to stop for a moment
but I would be too busy to notice
I want the memories to become real
but memories are just that
things that you look back on and not return to
I want you with me
but how would we be now
I want to know what happened
but you’re not here to tell the tale
I want you back
but your simply gone
and all I have now are the memories
I want all this
but its all too selfish

shadows
showing either the past
or the future
for a split second you can feel the rush of the present
but in all
we worry more about what is coming
or what is lingering
the great thing about looking to the future
is working towards it
the bad thing about looking back to the past
is knowing you can't change it
no matter how much you work
so keep those shadows close
and don't look to far ahead
or behind
and of course enjoy the split second you have of
the present

I am not a lovey person
though I love a lot
I do not like to hold hands
but I love a warm embrace
I am not a fan of hugging in public
but when we hug, let's not let go
I won't miss seeing you after a day or two
but I love seeing you when I get the chance
I don't show a lot of affection
I just simply don't
I would much rather be a goof ball
than a romantic goon
I adore kisses
and am a big believer in love
but in the smaller sense
In the random purchases of flowers
little notes
purchases of your favorite candy
(or whatever you've been craving lately)
I like the unexpected little things
I don't show much affection
but I do show love

I want to see the eyes behind the mask
show the true being
behind that plastic molding
reveal your darkness
that lingers behind that smile
open the curtains to that deadly thing
that keeps you alive
open the face of what is true
what i want to see
is you

sister of mine
listen
hear me if you can
i won't let you slip away
you're mine
i love you
don't leave
i won't say i understand your pain
but sister of mine
don't leave
i beg of you don't leave
i can only imagine you in that bed
that's seen so much pain
that's felt so much gore
i can only imagine
the pain behind your eyes
the loneliness in your heart
sister of mine
i am here for you
i will always be here for you
through pain
or laughter
just please
don't leave
i beg of you don't leave
you're my sister
and i can't see you leave

You can smile
even let out a chuckle
or two
You can tell stories
and listen to others
with curiosity
You can be a pretty **** convincing
functional
human being
But are you really?
Are your sleep deprived
and constant scrambled thoughts
eluding you from ever feeling whole
feeling complete?
Or do you make those small chuckles and stories
bigger and grander
than what they actually are
only fooling yourself of being whole
being complete
Either way
you are stuck at night
thinking of how it would be
to never wake up from a restful sleep
to never push a chuckle
a smile
a story
to truly be at peace
to be rid of all scrambled thoughts
and memories
to sleep a restful sleep

i feel close
but im afraid
i feel the want
but im afraid
i sense the change
but im so so
afraid
the time is near
and im ******* afraid

wet cheeks
drowned eyes
hopeless breathing
pale skin
trembling hands
feverish temperature
sleepy body

all of this mess
over a love
that will forever be lost

a hug
so warm and loving
a laugh
so gorgeous
a feeling
so strong
that it's weak
a feeling
that needs to grow

chained down
nowhere to go
the dust gathering on my shoulders
while the skin dries more and more
the tears have been long gone
the darkness surrounds with its laugh
causing the worn down doll of my soul to jump
placed so high on the shelf of endings
that there is no point of fetching a ladder
the dust stirred with the wisp of a young love
the soul struggles to get out of it's bearing chains
the beautiful love fights off the darkness
the chains drop
the soul is free
the magnificent love is hand in hand with the soul
but wait
this story must not win right now
the love is put in the malicious grasp of darkness
scared
the love fights
but with one smack
the love falls
souls moan
cry
scream
darkness laughs
the original soul falls down to its knees
kisses the unbearably cute love
and as all the other souls break free of their chains to revolt
the original soul falls down to a deep sleep
of which to never return

we were so young
we laughed so loudly
we cried in a whisper
we had secrets kept in our hearts
we loved
we cared
we were so young

denying
what a beautiful distraction
a nice escape
a magical far away place
depression
what a dark place to be
a moody cloud
a unlikable state of mind
anger
what fury may come
a red hot steam
a uncooling rage
acceptance
what a sigh of relief
a loving way to be
a wonderful end

you care too much
about me
a person who doesn't want to hurt you
but seems to any way
i care so much for you
don't mistake me
but i hurt you
so step away
farther and farther
where you don't feel me any more
i'll miss you
but i don't want to see you hurt
just step away
so that you will be okay
i love you
i'll miss you
but please
step away

The fan whirring by and by
sounding off any unsettling thoughts
The heat still settled
unwilling to move
The dark dew outside my window seeps in
releasing an exausting sigh
The sheets clean
and comfortable
The body tired
and worn
Yet
sleep will surely never come tonight
for there is too much in tomorrow

the vast emptiness of the unknown
brings strange comfort
and frustration to me
a weird combination, i know
comfort
from knowing there's more to come
not only what is left around now
frustration
from wanting to know what lies there
and knowing that patience is needed

The more you hold on
the more it hurts
the more you let go
the more you may hurt others
stuck
the more time passes
the more time you have to forget
the more you forget
the more you want to remember
stuck
the more stuck you get
the more you feel like being free
the more free you desire
the more you let go
the more you forget
free
the more free
the more lost
stuck

stumped
nowhere to go
nowhere to turn
stumped
un-relaxed chains tightening
un-relaxed brain imploding
stumped
no place to understand
no place to be free
stumped
nothing coming
nothing gone
stumped
understand
that i am stumped

falling
feeling every subtle wind flow around my body
shielding my eyes from regret
lifting my heart to be hit first
laughing my last laugh as a sign of goodbye
never yelling
or screaming
not one shred of doubt
only embracing the cliche tunnel of light
flying away
as i watch the dreaded body lie
from a simple splat
lifting higher into your arms
into your brace
into your love
but first
i must feel every subtle wind flow around my body

the rock
so tough and strong
the baby bird
so weak and helpless
with one push
the rock is rolling
rolling
rolling
the baby bird stuck
it hasn't learned to fly
the baby bird watching the rock
tumbling more and more
towards itself
it gives up trying to be free
the rock
still hurdling its way down
doesn't seem to be stopping
the baby bird lies down
closes its eyes
and doesn't wake
the rock skids to a stop
it was on its way to help ****
the approaching cat from behind
the rock wanted to help
but ended up doing the most damage

the morning dew
taking away the night terrors
the afternoon blaze
taking away the morning grog
the evening muse
taking away the afternoon stress
the nighttime terrors
taking away the days sanity

that one time
where we hugged
where we kissed
where we were
that one time
where you laughed
where you sighed
where you smiled
that one time
where i was with you
where i was holding you
where i was yours
that one time
we were happy

That smile
only shown in pictures
to show to others that you're okay
though
we hug as you cry everyday
you don't have to pretend
you don't have to watch out for others
and how they may feel
That smile
is so fake right now
which makes it grotesque to me
it's not what you feel
it's what you want to feel
but plastering it on
won't make you feel any less pain
the pain and tears
will hide behind those pearly whites
waiting for you to be back in my arms
with a box of tissues
That smile
will be true one day
but for now
be honest to yourself
for how you feel
That smile
wow
That smile
i can't wait to see the real thing once again

i see whats happening in that young girls heart
pain and suffering
in that young girls heart
she cries herself to sleep at night
hoping each tear will wash the pain
instead it has rearranged
the feelings inside
so much happening in that young girls life
pain and suffering
in that young girls life
she wants to fly so far away
leaving the fear behind
the fear of losing her loved ones
the fear of breaking down
the fear of going too far
is in her heart
her heart is breaking
her heart refuses to heal
for it will only break again
for another pain
so much happening in that young girls dreams
flying away to a place so far away
leaving behind the ones she loves
leaving them without them feeling the pain
flying away
so far away
wanting to heal others pain
is in that young girls dreams

the ring of the bell
is a release so powerful
so pleasing
so meaningful
the end of the ding
insists in a sigh
a smile
a sudden relaxation
the ring of the bell
is the start of something strong
powerful
stressful
time consuming
the end of the ding
insists on a sigh
of starting over
the game
of stress

ive done it again
i was doing so well
but why
is this the answer to a cheap happiness
im not smart enough to stop
im too cold to change
ive lost the will again
i dont want to restart
i feel to be a danger
i want to be a safety
unstable
and
uncontrollable
i see the faces
so scared
to see the face thats been hidden
by the breaking mask
the glue is nowhere to be found
the faces still scared
not knowing what to do
seeing the monster
the creature
the broken mask
the faces still scared
no means of peace
till the glue is found

The time passing by
some seconds so slow
some hours so fleeting
The memories holding on
to my brain
to my weak heart
The love we shared
never ending
never releasing
The pain of your distance
is the worst
is unbearable
The thought of you at peace
makes me jealous
makes me want to join you
The people I care for now
care enough for me to stay
care enough for me to want to stay

you hurt me
yet i talked to you
as if we were friends

you hurt the one i love
yet i have no hurt
to bring to you

you hurt me
yet i want to know
if your okay

you hurt the one i love
yet i want to share
sympathy for you

you hurt a chunk of my life
yet i talked to you as if
it is all okay

from afar
many people may see
the beauty
the grace
the feeling you've left for me
but i see
what is true
what you've hidden
and now what i need to say
is that we're through
i thought this was more
then just a game
i thought it was care
and not a gift of shame
i held you high
while you were digging low
to the pit of my heart
just to let go
im done with the lies
that you speak so well
im done with the face
that locked me in this cell

these feelings dont magically appear
as said in fairy tales
it takes time
and patience
now we have these feelings
and the wait is done
yet we're still flipping through old magazines
these feelings aren't leaving
like we want them to
they're lingering
and taunting
yet we're still waiting around
I don't want the feelings to leave
even though
they should
I want you to be okay
even though
you don't seem to be
these feelings are here
and we're still waiting
but i
will not wait
much longer

slowly stepping barefoot on the white powdered pebbles
way up high on a roof top
there was a small garden with tomatoes to the left of me
i don’t know why i thought they looked so nice
but they did, and i stared.
still stepping on the pebbles,
feeling the sensitive nerves tingle to the some what sharp points
i kept walking
walking until i reached an edge.
the garden was behind me now
but i could still smell the freshness
i look down to the vacant street
it was so far down
a gust of wind went through my fingers and around my body
gently caressing my cheeks
i looked up to the beautiful sky, as i often do
and take a deep breathe
nothing but the scent of the garden filled my mind
i leap
i leap off of this high building getting closer to the maximizing street
something takes hold of me though
tightly
it was a rope
it was itchy for those few seconds around my neck
as i kept falling
there was a sudden stop
maybe 10 feet above the ground
my feet shook like mad
the rope didn’t break my neck, but was certainly suffocating me
constricting more and more against my throat
there was no more smell of the garden
there was chaos
worry
care
concern
fear
laughter
tears
anger
memories
dream­s
funneled in so rapidly as i fight for a single full breathe
i just so missed the smell of that garden

these beauties
exuding love
care
affection
and fun
these beauties
sharing secrets
tears
conversations
and laughs
these beauties
unknowing of my feelings
my care
my love
and over all joy
when i see their face

so scary
the wait
so breathe taking
the wait
so yearning
the wait
so unsure
the wait
so tiring
the wait

looking into the sky
for answers
is not the way to go
looking deep into the earth
for pity
is not the way to go
looking ahead
and down the road
will show you the way
to what you hope for
dream for
and
what you'll work for