When I think of your smile
oh gah that smile
I melt
yet stay cool
You make me feel like I can fly
while standing perfectly still
When I think of your eyes
oh gah those eyes
I shatter
yet remain sturdy
You make me feel like I can be anywhere
while just wanting to stay
When I think of you
oh gah
I think love

I love your lips
so smooth
and fragile

even when we talk
i can't help but to look
at those beautiful lips

I would kiss those lips
till i could no more
for those lips are amazing

I would caress those lips
till you were tickled
by the way i love you

for its not only the lips
that i truly love
since those lips have to belong
to someone that deserves them

the clock ticking
our hearts beating
the pens tapping
our brains dreaming
the feet stomping
our hands joining
the bell ringing
our hearts pounding
the lips kissing
our faces flushing
the feeling impulsing
our love increasing
the bell ringing
our lips separating
the clock ticking

when the young night falls
and the dreamers dream
and the lovers love
there the others lie
painfully unmasking themselves
and crying until they reach a non restful sleep

taught to hide
to leave alone
to push aside
I ****** up
taught to show nothing
to put a smile on
to not allow anyone in
I ****** up
taught to
**** up
I never knew what I was doing
I wanted more
but couldn't show it
couldn't say it
couldn't do it
when you asked
I ****** up

should i go first
or should i follow behind
i dont know what to do
i dont know what to think
the unknown is another stress
another game to win
another puzzle piece
another 'thing'
take control
dont wait
because im too lost
to know what to do

Too tired to think
To eat
to do anything
All the energy
Drained
From avoiding the infamous "sad" radar
Putting on a smile
sharing a forced laugh
Remaining uncovered
Too tired
To keep this up.

troubles all around
clumping about
never leaving
people suffering
from their troubles
but time will give them freedom
distance
clarity

troubles all around
terrorizing
the not so innocent people
suffering
from their mistakes
but time will let them go
let them learn
and be free

troubles all around
for everyone
we all get by
with the time given to us
to enjoy the freedom
the relinquishment
of troubles

Why is it
that trying hurts.
Hear me out...
Trying does not just mean getting up and doing
no,
it takes preparing
both physically
and mentally
it takes thinking it through
to find the best action plan there is
then it takes the motion
both mentally
and physically
and most likely if you are trying anything
it involves other people
and if you don't execute your try hard and well enough
to someone you have failed.
that is why trying hurts.
so much goes in
but negative only comes back.

unheard happiness
unwanted anger
underestimated intimidation
unloving lies
undermining images
unfaithful source
unalterable devastation

If you could
undo what is done
would you
what would change
what would stay
It may be for the better
all the things that have been done
for there is that saying
everything happens for a reason
but what if the reason isn’t worthy of what’s been done
what if whats been done wasn’t fair
wasn’t right
wasn’t meant to be
why can’t there just be a pause
for people to think things through
to realize there is something better
maybe that’s what we’re supposed to be doing now
but it’s so easy to blame others
so easy to make it someone else’s problem
so easy to not take control
but its time to grow up
not to forget
or to remember constantly
just to not confirm it
look down
be beside yourself
be unknown to how you feel
to face the fact that sometimes you shouldn’t know how you feel,
and that feeling in itself is how you should feel

The wheels spinning
as the eyes close
as the muscles relax
as the shivers progress
The wheels slow down
as the face sinks
as the warmth covers
as the protection sets
The wheels start again
as the warm gets too hot
as the eyes open
as the protection fades

the wall is crumbling
the makeup is fading

they seem surprised
for they now see me undisguised

time will tell how they react
for the mask has cracked

gone for good
and now everyone should

see the hidden person
before they worsen

how can you do this
leave
the way you did
how can you do this
not say goodbye
and not show your care
how can you do this
your gone
and i ******* hate it

the shame
the pure agonizing shame
of thought
of memories
of senseless emotions
the pain
the purely torturous pain
thrown into the dark
pale
vacancy of our puny minds
the horror
the pure yet soiled horror
that brings us together
that tears us apart
that makes us human
the end

When the memories come
i cant help but to smile
to laugh
to cry
to miss
to miss the moments of anger
of love
of fear
of desire
the desire of wanting you
wanting us

the inflicted hallmark love is in the air
roses
chocolates
teddy bears
stuff you can buy all year
now made important
i love this foolish holiday though
with its cute glances
and little nik-nak gifts
its cute
the inflicted hallmark love is in the air
for its valentines

to push down this volcanic feel
that will burn anyone in the way
that will destroy everything
is getting harder to do
while one person pushes down
at least a dozen pull
if only those idiots knew
what destruction will come
what harm they will release
if only that one person was stronger
to push down this volcanic feel
is one of the hardest things to do
as well as the most stupid
because once released
(which is inevitable)
the person who has been pushing down for all this time
will be the one hurt the most
pushing down this volcanic feel
wont last long

i see the child in your eyes
crying
waiting
for the next disguise
you feel as if you have to hide
from the ones who hurt you
or the ones who have yet to die
the hatred seeping down each tear
growing
and progressing
by the year
the child who is waiting
won't wait much longer
too much to fight for
and only so much degrading
the end will come
where you can be set free
to find your peace
just wait for the next beat of the drum

i watch
and wait
wanting you in my arms
i sit
and tap
on the bed which we share
i sigh
and forget
the memories from so long ago

waking up in a bed
too soaked in tears
too worn by the thrashing body swarmed by nightmares
too old to hold back its squeaks
too tired of the stupid nonsense that occurs on random nights
waking up in a room
that has been beaten
that has been stormed through
that has been yelled at
that has been deteriorating by the guests' own selfishness
waking up
is hard to do
when the first thing you see each ******* morning
is your own self destruction

we weren’t supposed to
but we loved
I wasn’t supposed to
but I let you down
you weren’t supposed to
but you pulled me back
you weren’t supposed to
but you had me
and then you left

the time
the never ending time
the fights
the never ending fights
the memories
the never ending memories
the love
the never ending share of love
the hate
the new and never ending hate
the passion
the never ending yet wonderful passion
the end
the upcoming end
of all things we hold dear

we are strong
we are together
we are weak
we are apart
we learn
from each other
our wisdom
our lessons
our memories
shared for teaching
we are together
we are strong

not much has been said
but we feel something
we know something is here
not much will happen
but we know it's a dream we share
we truly want
not much is going to proceed
but we feel the pain
we see the wasted time

maybe something will happen
but we won't know when
we shouldn't either

the farther you go away
the heavier i feel
the bricks on my back containing
my love
my anger
my feeling of great separation from you
I feel heavy with the weights of
missing you
needing you
the farther you go away
the more i want you
the more i miss you
the more i cry
you've gone too far
so i will always feel heavy
feel love
feel that i need you
and miss you
the weights will get heavier
as i get weaker
as i get older
as more time goes by pushing us farther away
the weights will be so heavy
so needy
so unloving

confusion seems to be simply an excuse for people to hide behind their true feelings
but for me
if i use the word confusion, then i am truly confused
boredom seems to be the reason why people do stupid things
but for me
if im bored ill find something productive to do, and not just waste my time
lonesome seems to be the reason why people find things to do with people they shouldn't have anything to do with
but for me
if im lonely ill go chill with friends or my dogs, and won't do things that are stupid or could hurt me
please don't confuse me for all the other people you so confidently think i fit in with
for if those are the things you think everyone does and think im doing the exact same
then you don't know me at all

we loved each other
and we were proud of that
we didn't say it much
because we just knew
it was a fact as much as the fact that humans can't breathe under water
we loved each other
and nothing could stop that
we were always there for one another
because there was no place better to be
it was if we were at disney world at the age of 5, begging our parents for us to stay
we loved each other
and you took yourself away
we weren't together anymore
because you completely left
it was even written down that you would forever be gone
we loved each other

this world is not mine
or yours
we share this world
with many others
some are worth sharing
others
not so much
those who do not deserve
take more then needed
leaving the ones who has this deserving glory
to lay out with the trash
we share this world
with many others
and those who do not deserve to hold such greatness
should leave this world
leave
before they do more damage
to the ones who deserve our world

the butterflies fluttering
around and around the anxious stomach
the rush of the wind flowing
through and through the tangled hair
the spinning thoughts
rolling and rolling within the disturbed mind
the nondrying sweat
dripping and dripping down the nervous body

giving
loving
smiles
laughs
hunger
eating
... too much
more sleep
yet so tired
gloomy days
yet happy feelings
missing the family
then shortly going insane from them all
all of this
comes from this holiday season

a minute
feeling like an hour
changes your life forever
for that moment
an hour
feeling like a minute
changes your mood for only seconds
good to bad
bad always lasts

When I see your face
I hide away
but what can I do
when your face is sketched into my dreams?
hide?
from what exactly?
I feel the anxiety build
whenever I see your face
but still
it is only a dream
Why do I want to hide
in the dis-concerning safety of my dreams?

Where do i look
to find you
i don't even know your face
your laugh
your jokes

Where do i look
to find you
i don't even know your name
your past
your possible future

Where do i look
when i know your near
but too far to see

Where do i look
when i want you
but don't know who you are

Where do i look
to find the one

Who are you
to say that I don’t have a heart
who are you
to think you’ve felt worse
who are you
to call me names
who are you
to tell me off
who are you
to get mad
who are you
oh that’s right
you were the one
who broke me down
who opened me up
who saw who I was
who kicked me to the side
who ignored me
who are you
to say we’re friends

a simple tap on the shoulder
feels like its lasting a month
a hand shake
feels like a year
a hug
feels like an eternity
when all that is on your mind
is why
why now
why not then
why with you
why not with them
why
makes everything last longer

winged companions
spread your wings
and fly to your freedom
i can only imagine your beauty

winged companions
feel that ease
and enjoy that release from insanity
i can only hope your happy

winged companions
take that step to your dreams
and enjoy that it is now your reality
i can only imagine the feeling

winged companions
nourish what you've become
and leave all regrets
i can only hope to see you someday

A place to be
to see
to feel
feel comfortable

A feeling of warmth
of solitude
of peace
peaceful sleep

A sleep like no other
uninterrupted
unified
un-alone

Alone
is what i’ll never be
when im in that place with you

warm me up with your smile
make me shiver with your sigh
wrap me in your arms
unfold me in your eyes
let the seasons roll with us
stop all time for us to enjoy the peace
these are not commands
these are simply part of my wish list

the numbness has melted
the mask still broken
the feelings
stronger then ever
the maturity
showing itself
the lessons
have been learned
and will be retained
the hurt
will always remain
but will not control
the joy
will be nourished
and appreciated
the trying
will continue
the tears
will fall
but in the end
it will all be worth it

you twist
and turn
the words
the meanings
the memories
you throw in my face
what once was
but now what is
you walk away
with no care
that you have hurt again
you have such hate
towards nothing
you shared a lot
but took it all away
you know what you've done
so why would you apologize
and apologize
and again
******* apologize
im done with what you've done
im done with your fake tears
we will never talk again
you know why

your eyes will bright up the dark path ahead
showing new adventures
proving self responsibility
your sound will purr behind the smooth rhythms of music
hearing new peace
listening to independence
your touch will be fast paced across the sky
feeling new excitement
sensing a weird turning point
your everything will be new to me
amazingly new to my life
surprisingly revealing more responsibility

not that i have you
or had you
or will ever have you
all i know is that i've thought of you

you're like a dog
who just ate **** from a diaper
even with the chicken waiting in your bowl
you took what was closest
not willing to take a slight challenge
and too ignorant to see what the better option was

you promised another smile
giggle
hug
oh how i wanted that hug
how i will forever want that hug
you promised happiness
something you couldn't magically make happen
i promised you support
did i do okay?
i guess not
i hope your smiling
and giggling
and hugging
in a place that makes you happy

heart racing
when that bell rings
body ready
when the crowd moves
mind jumbled
when those people get in the way
fingers fumbling
when i see your hair
temples sweating
when i see your eyes
voice silent
when first in contact
act totally normal
when the impulse is gone
disappointment in myself
when we're talking
sadness in my eyes
when we're done
anger at myself
when that moment is gone
eyes twitching
when the bell strikes again

that heart of yours
that heart contains so much pain
pain from stuff you only know of
pain that needs to flee
flee from that heart
flee from those eyes
eyes flooded with tears
eyes hiding behind fear
fear of fading away
fear of no one caring
caring is all you do
caring is all i do for you
you need to calm down
you should trust me with your heart

the morning breeze is like
a whisper
a tickle
a comfort
from your love
the afternoon blaze is like
a passion
a lust
a need
to see your love
the evening bliss is like
a warmth
a comfort
a sense of relaxation
in the arms of the one you absolutely adore

your grip of my mind
constricts my heart
to where i cant breathe
i feel faint
weak
as if death is near
your grip of my memories
pulls my heart
to where it barely pumps
i feel weird
out of it
as if im not here
you have way too much control
over my unstable heart
that seems to not be working
i feel death
darkness
as if im no more