im born
to die
i live
to love
i suffer
to enjoy
i listen
to ignore
im here
to be with you

tell me everything
for i want to hear you
be completely silent
for i want to see you
laugh your loudest
for i think its cute
cry if your in pain
for ill be here for you
love who ever
for i know ill love you

too much
fencing around my thoughts
i miss the knowing
of what i wanted
but my thoughts
are lost
held captive by some mysterious creature
i want to be comforted
in the pleasure of knowing
what i want
i cant make up my mind
cant settle down the
riled animals that have been living in my mind
i feel lost
i feel discomfort
i feel that i dont know what i want to feel

if only i hadn't stood so close
it wouldn't hurt as much
if only i knew what would happen
it wouldn't be a surprise
if only you had told me
it wouldn't have gone through
if only you had stopped
it wouldn't be so bad
if only you knew
it would hurt me so much

take what you want
you've earned it
anything you see
... that one?... ok, interesting choice. please be very careful with it.
no no please dont rip it apart
no please no dont smash it
please stop... that hurts
why would you fake all of this?
do you take pleasure in all of this?
gah! stop please it hurts.
i hope your happy with what you've done.

I saw you from afar
in a crowded place
with little silence

I wanted to know your name
your name was called
from what i think was your friend

I called for you
but no answer in return
I called again

You looked beautiful that night
and i know i sound crazy
but i wanted to know you

We never said hello that night
for the place was crowded
and the silence was too expensive

I think about you
now and then
and know i'll see you again

if you want to ask
simply ask
if you have a comment
don't hold back
if you need anything
inform me about what that is
i don't play games
i want you to be happy
just tell me
and i'll do what i can

you have grasped my fake smiles
you sense the anger behind my eyes
you feel discomfort when my laugh is pushed
you know me too well
let me just say
let me play the part
let me pretend to be
fine
i know you see *******
and once we're done talking
allow me to smile
for the others
who don't quite see what you see
please let me say
i'm fine

I miss
your smile
gaze
and laughter
your wits
sighs
and smell
I miss
the way we talked
held hands
simply the way we were
I don't miss
your pain
suffering
and agony
your sobs
tears
and the fatal grasp for hope that wasn't there
I miss
your happiness
and that is what I wish for you all

i can see
but cannot touch
as if i were in a museum
and you
yes you
would be behind the bullet proof glass
safely placed
for display only
so beautiful
yet fragile
so passionate
yet weak
i want to break the glass
to be with you
to talk with you
to hold you
but again
its as if im in a museum
and your behind the bullet proof glass
i can look
but cannot touch

the sun shining
the air so crisp
the birds chirping
the morning so young
yet
something is missing
no
someone is missing
it's you
oh how i wish
you were in my arms
watching this morning rise
in my arms
we would be together
gazing out the open windows
tickled by the slight breeze
and warmed by our bodies
oh how i wish
you were in my arms
watching the long to come sunset
watching the day flee past
while moving in slow motion
the breeze is spinning
the sky so dark
the lovers loving
the day so done

the *******
the lies
the fake tears
the fake laughs
the pushed feelings
the everything
is unreal
is a waste of my time
is underestimated in power
is tearing me apart

intense
means nothing now
as if the word doesn't even exist
intense
there is too much
too much to the extent that
it lost its meaning
intense
people
feelings
natural disasters
intense
it was used too often
now it means nothing

I planted a flower for you
you took care of it
watered it
nourished it
talked to it

I planted a flower for you
but then you got mad
and you stomped on it
drowned it
didn't love it

The flower kept growing
while the neglect was doing the same
but it fought
and would keep fighting
till it was completely grown

you forgot about that flower
so i took care of it
nourished it
watered it

you came back one day
and saw the magnificent flower
bloomed to its fullest
and stronger then ever

the flower didn't need you
and so don't I

i see you lying there
with a smile of lust
and a touch of warmth
i see you *******
with shoulders of silk
and legs of ease
i see you pulling me near
with wants of more
and eyes of trust
i see you kissing me
with lips of roses
and cheeks that have been flushed
i see you there
in my dreams
in my memories

yep
you're on my mind
i think about you constantly
and you're not going anywhere
yep
you probably see it
and think im dumb
or inconsiderate
nope
i just think about you
and worry
and most of all
i miss you
please dont think im crazy
or rude
i just think about you
and will keep thinking about you

The smiles so big
but the feeling so small
The tears so little
but the feelings are so overwhelming
The laughs subtle, yet noticeable
as the sobs boom behind closed doors
The silence so needed
but the sounds never stop
The pause in time
will never happen
The ease will never come
The reminders will never fade
The hurt will always come back

What can you do
when there is nothing?
nothing to grab onto
nothing to to hold you
nothing
just nothing
What can you say
when you are tired of your voice?
your whine
What can you think
when your mind is drowning?
drowning in the darkness
drowning and nearing of the dim lights of no more hope
drowning
just drowning
What can you dream
when you can't sleep?
can't get anything done
What can you do
when you becoming nothing?
from the thoughts
restless nights
loss of hope
loss of any sign of ******* hope
Nothing
just nothing
can help escape this.

Except for the pressing beauty that life and loved ones surely give,
but seems to be less important
as your spiraling into nothing envelops you into your own self destruction
There is in fact hope
though hard to see
and even impossible to comprehend at times
it's there, and you have to believe not only in yourself
but those small moments life gives you that make it all worth it.

That make the nights
though rough
bearable for the sunshiny morning to come
The thoughts
though dark
hard to hear through the laughs shared with loved ones
The feeling of nothingness
though tragically around
can be filled with the moments of pure happiness
Which do in fact exist in this ****** up world.

It's not okay
don't ignore it
It's a truly scary feeling
and shouldn't be brushed off
but there is a light at the end of this tunnel
there is hope
it does get better
and all of those cliches
Just remember the moments
from a shared laugh
to a love fest with pets
from a hug
to a kiss
from a funny moment on t.v.
to a literal laugh out loud moment in real life

This life is crazy
****** up
messy
heart wrenching
cruel at times
but
breath taking
beautiful
amazing
magnificent
and filled with moments
worth sharing and living for

It's all about the moments

when the moonlight shines
the darkness fights back
when the troubles fade
the sadness presses
when the love strengthens
the logic gives up
when the hate is no longer there
the love remains distant
when the time is short
the events keep piling
when you are gone
the moonlight, troubles, love, hate, and time miss you

I want to bring happiness
to let the tears melt away
to deliver laughter
I want to shoo away anger
to make it boil to a gas
to reveal a smile
I want to hold you close
if that makes you happy
I want to hold you far
if that makes you happy
I want you to be happy
so let me distribute you happiness

I want to take it away
wipe away the sad
and make your day
I hate to see that face
with great disappointment
and disgrace
You're so pretty
but so much pain
and too little pity
I don't want to see the pain
that lives in those eyes
that cause so much strain
You are loved by many
and missed by little
don't go away my Jenny

knowledge...
is it worth the pain
is it worth the time that is going to be wasted
on emotions that can wait
knowledge
it's a curse that sadly we all contain
I want to know
but i dont want to be haunted by the images
the physical pain
the emotional pain
the unknown crap fest that will come with knowledge
knowledge...
its a curse
that we all contain

can you shut up for just a second
and listen
i want the very best for you
and well
im not it
your hurting everyday
as i try to help
but end up scraping at the fresh scabs
im sorry
oh how im sorry that i hurt you
im a giant beast
with little balance
or stability
and you
well your a fragile glass rose
I want you to shine your best
but keep scraping you
against my callused hands
please go shine
my fragile flower
and don't look back
on this giant beast

could you please
not give me a hand this time
i know it may be hard
but let me grow
let go of me
please
i need to make mistakes
yet you hold me close
you want whats best
to the extent
of driving ourselves mad
let go of me
please
and let me show you
that i
yes i
can take care of my wounded self

come on home
from that desert
you've been hiding in for so long
take my hand
i'll give your thirsty self water
and show you
that the world has much to offer
come on out
from that cave
you've been dying in for so long
hold on tight
i'll carry you out if you'd like
and remind you
of the light in life
come on
for i've missed you
grab my offer
i'll care for you
and let you know everyday
that i'll always love you

like a stone
hearts should be
like an open box
minds should be
like a thing unknown
our love is shared

i feel like a child
a spoiled child
who wants what they cant have
its childish
and naive
but its how i feel
your like a piece of candy
like caramel
or taffy
i want the caramel
but no one will give it to me
so i have my fit
and hopefully grow up
im like a child
and your the dreamy piece of candy

hello there
the little thought
that infiltrates my mind

no matter what time
what day
what event

you,
little thought,
will come into my mind

i don't always want you
but like the rascal you are
you dont care

sometimes ill get angry about your timing
but you stay
just to **** me off even more

little thought
please give me a break
i don't want you anymore

im older now
and think i can live without you
please leave

sincerely,
the one you've hurt
oh so many times

there's too many of you
little troubles
mishaps
pains
there's just too many
of you bouncing around
hurting a vast majority
of the ones i care for
i will fight you
little troubles
i will **** you
little troubles
stop hurting the ones i love
little troubles
there's too many of you
and you must be stopped
your end is near
little troubles
do your worst

you say you're awful
mean
nerdy
slutty
a *****

why would you bring yourself down?
why wouldn't you see the good?
why would you blind yourself
from who you really are?

what I see is a strong
fun
pretty
intellectual
caring
person

you're one of the rare ones,
please see that

the more im reminded
the more i go mad
the more im poked at
the more annoyed i get
the more im shown
the more i feel bad
the more im told
the more i want to leave
you keep reminding
you keep angering me
you keep wanting to poke
you keep reminding
reminding
reminding
you get satisfaction
for yourself
unaware of what your doing
to me
stop reminding
poking
telling
stop

I lost myself
but your hand came
and pulled me home
I lost you
but then I reached out my hand
and drew you near
I lost us
and no hand came
and we were both lost

its new
its fresh
             I love it
its nice
its there

its old
its surviving

its gone
its dead
             I don't miss it

Every time our eyes meet
I love you more
Which, our eyes meet a lot
like a whole lot
enough times in a day
that the fact I love you more each time
is quite honestly ridiculous.
But it happens
and i'm not in any way going to try to stop it.

your fluff
your crisp
the clinking in the bowl
colors blending
with the liquid mix
the silver saber
comes down upon thee
lifts the fluff
and crisp
away from the liquid mix
into the vessel of my cranium
seeping down the tunnel of darkness
into the pit of juices
and acids
to later excrete from the cave of wonders
and into another source of a liquid mix
and down yet another tunnel
into another universe
or dimension
of other wonders
what and adventure you've had
you no longer crisp or fluffy substance

Drowning
Suffocating
Constraining
These purely physically degrading sensations
feel so real just in my mind
I know I'm breathing fine
but I'm drowning
I know I have room to be
but I'm suffocating
I know I can move around
But I'm being constrained
The mind is a powerful machine
that's why I am terrified to fall asleep feeling the
Drowning
Suffocating
Constraining
purely physically degrading sensations
that are all wrapped up in my mind

Too many faces
Along with so many stories
Never allowing themselves to heal
Gradually they fade into the collage of mess
Letting go of hope
Ending their search for happiness
Done with the fignt

I know things are alright
and that they will actually get better
and if not better
they will get worse
but only for a moment
Only for a moment will the happiness last
the sadness
All life is
is moments
Moments on top of moments
Lessons on top of lessons
Hardships on top of ****** hardships
All for the big moment
which is life
I have come to despise moments
good or bad
I find no reason
I find it repetitive
I find the hardships especially a waste of time,
because why in all of these little moments
adding up to just one singular big moment
would there be pain in hardships?
Moments
I find there is no reason
Lessons
why have them, if the lesson itself is temporary
Hardships
why endure pain when all this is
is a
Moment

souls rising day and night
but yours must stay
yours must never let go
hold on my angel
i'll reach for you
reach until my arms fall off
then i will join you
souls rising day and night
please hold on
squeeze till you can't anymore
don't give up my angel
i'll never let you go
you might as well stay
my sweet little angel

hello
you funny
pretty
poet
hello
you stylish
caring
poet
hello
you
will you be my poet?

I want to be lost in my sheets.
To never go down stairs, to only hear the muffled noise of people, to not have to see the twisted love among each other.
I want to be lost in my sheets.
To only see the happy orange color, to close my eyes and know i’m protected, to not hurt as well as hurt others.
I want to be lost in my sheets
till the day i can’t control myself from closing my eyes and never have the possibility to gaze upon the happy orange color again.
I want to be lost in my sheets.

with the world spinning
faster and faster
its hard to slow down
to take a breathe
to live life
with the world spinning
slower and slower
its hard to speed up
to get excited
to live life

ive had my fit
now its time
to grow up
i need to feel sad
but i need to enjoy
what i have now
and what all ive learned

the darkness
coming into play
with the heart
thats been locked away
the brightness
fleeting back
with the feelings
starting to stack
the rainbows
goodbye and gone
with the want
coming to the dawn
the darkness
staying strong
cant last
for it doesn't belong

When the knock comes to the door
every fiber of my being shakes
shutters
dies
when your ***** boots walk through the door
every reminder of heartache fades
vanishes
dies
when you give me that kiss beside the door
every hair on my arms stick up in surprise
defense illness
when you leave in your inevitable departure out the door
every tear falls
crashes
burns

i see nothing
coming to mind
coming to the tips of my fingers
that are oh so tired

i feel nothing
coming to me
seeking my hand
letting me fly

i hear nothing
coming to find me
looking for me
bringing me home

i smell nothing
coming from the one
who i was looking for
who let me go too far

fingers tapping on this worn out pad
dust collecting on the drooped shoulders
hair thinning on this skeleton shape of a head
eyes hollowing on the malnourished being
feet twitching on the cold wood floor
stomach growling on the count of boredom... not hunger
what have we become
monsters
zombies
un-known creatures
enslaved by this massive world
that fits in our hands