if only we had met last year
or this year
how happy we would be
how amazing life would be
how uncontrollably in love
we would be

so much
in just 24 hours
so much
crap that just didn't need to happen
so much
of a ******* mess
so much
crying
so much
so so much
in 24 hours
so many
calls
so many
texts
so many
tears
so many
thoughts
so many
feelings
so many
so so many
things in 24 hours
too much
crap in this world
too much
of this old ****
too much
just way too much
i hate the past 24 hours

the twigs under my shoes
breaking
snapping
the sound i would love to hear
come out of your spine
the leaves crumble
and muffle
under my shoes
the sound i would love to hear
come out of your mouth
the rocks kicked
across the floor
the image i would love to see
with your spiraling head
the ants climbing up my shoes
as i would love to see
you grab me for last hope

when that smile rises
and that laugh cackles
all i can do is love

love the way you tell jokes
or share a sad story

love the way you may laugh
or even shed a tear

love the way you talk
or while we sit in total silence

when i hear that laugh
and see that smile
all i can do is love

sun drops tickle the backs of children's necks
as the adults are cold with bitterness

winds flow through the children's hair
as the adults worry about tangles

clouds pass the smiling children
as it wants to rain on the adults

trees shade the sweaty children
as it keeps the adults cold in their bitterness

the grass plays along with the children
as it grabs and wants more from the adults

the children and adults share one thing:
oblivion of this magic secret message nature is trying to send

enjoy being young and old
have fun

another day
another week
another month
another year
repeat
repeat for the many more to come
repeat
another
another
too tired
too tired to put much effort
too angry
too angry to put much effort
another year
with more to come

it's been so long since i last had a dream
but not long since i have thought of you
i closed my eyes
not hopeful for any sleep
but there you were
we were together
i had finally succeeded
and i got to see you for a few more seconds
we didn't say much
for we both could not stop crying
but there we were
in eachothers grasp
so happy
in this depressing world we shared
i saw you
in a dream
a dream i have been wanting for so very long
a dream i would want to last forever
but the alarm rang
and in my arms
you faded away
i woke up in tears
coming into the world of reality
i held you
in my dream
a dream that was quite amazing
and will hopefully come again
i saw you in a dream
and im sad it didn't come true

don't scream
and tell me nothing is wrong
don't sigh
and say nothing is on your mind
don't yell
and speak nothing of which makes sense
don't lie
and say its the truth
don't hesitate
and tell me everythings okay
just speak to me

so close to the winning
so close
there will be no prize
no crowd
no ribbon
just a goal to be diminished;
the best kind of prize to be won

the silence
is equal
as a slap in the face
the blank stares
is the same
as a punch in the stomach
the emptiness
is kin
as a stab in every muscle with a rusty knife

blobs floating around everyday
******* the life out of
the laughs
the cries
the scares

the blobs being selfish
incapable of having these feeling
will take it away from what can

the people so helpless
they try to fight back
but our want for the feelings are wasted
we have plenty of them
with much more to spare

so let the blobs enjoy the
endless emptiness
and lets keep pretending
we have that too

boiling
boiling
like no other feeling
a volcano erupting
in the very pit of sanity
boiling
boiling
no cooling system around
just piles
and piles
of worn out ****
boiling
boiling
the eruption
like a tantrum
wipes out all who is around
no where for them to go
just let the ashes envelope them
and **** them
boiling boiling
the erupting volcano
never rests

to walk into a room
filled with family love
care
and laughter
and know you are not wanted
the laughs cease
the care is directed away
and the love
well the love never comes
to walk out of a room
filled with hate for you
turned to love and laughs
now that you are gone
that is a feeling
no one should possess.

the scorched
the torn
the shattered
the tossed
the scarred
the bleeding
the conflicting
the ******* covered ******* with ******* filling
the living
the dying
the end

you may kick
or hit
but i will always use my words
you may give me looks
or threatening notes
but i will always smile
you may tease
or physically punish
but i will always calm you down
you may do all of things
or more
but i will stay happy
until i get home

with a flash so bold
and a color so bright
i cant believe i missed you
you were there
in reach of my arm
but invisible
is what you were to me
i wanted to see
i guess you were hiding
you bright star
i cant believe i missed you

cant help but look back
on the innocence
i used to have
cant help but want
the unknowing
i now cherish
cant help but get mad
at the curiosity
i couldnt hold down
cant help but to know
what i know now
and what i wont forget

rub the eyes
that have seen so much
clean the ears
that have heard so much
rinse the mouth
that has said so much
wash the face
that has shown so much
cleanse the hands
that have touched so much
you can scrub as much
and as long as you want
but you cant change what has been done

i want to let it go
but it pulls me in
i want to say *******
but i would feel so bad
i want to forget
but i want to remember every detail
i want to go
but i want to stay
i want to feel
but i want to be numb
i want to help
i want to heal
i want to be free
i want to love

inner thoughts
clouding what needs to be done
outer influences
preventing me from going anywhere
your just perfect
never change
inner thoughts
containing my wants
outer influences
tightening my leash
your just perfect
never change
inner thoughts
never ending
outer influences
dragging me away
your just perfect
never change

the patterns
the poems
all the same
nothing new
and all cliche
but in this repeated world of mine
i feel comfort
and ease
even with my drooped sad eyes
so the continued basics
of the mild poems
will be written
behind the same computer
and by the same eyes

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love poetry
just not as much as you

the music starts
along with your heart
pumping
beating
faster
the sweat trickles down
a smile appears
satisfaction flowing through
adrenaline following close behind
i guess its that crazy heart
along with that crazy music

the dark block rising from its sleep
resisting to break
climbing up my feet
almost like molasses
its creeping up my leg
to my thigh
to my belly
to my shoulders
i fight back
pushing down on the block
but its way too powerful
like a rude neighbor
inviting itself in for some tea
trying to explain the bad timing
will do nothing
for the block proceeds to climb
to my neck
tickling my spine
it wraps its dark slimy fingers around my neck
slowly it does
tightening
i see hope vanishing
as the tightening increases
increases
choking
darkness
i fight back
but i am tired
go ahead dark slime of a block
take my last breathe
hope has failed me

Dear friends,

Gone and present friends. Followers and leaders.
Lovers and haters.
My friends.
Some of you see through the rotted old mask
that i wear so proudly.
Some of you are blinded by the luminescent glow
of that rotted masks smile.
I love you all, my friends.
You are what make that mask fall to show the beast behind,
the tangled mess of a life.
My friends.
Nothing more can make me happy.
Nothing less could hold up the cost.
Dear friends, I thank you, and will forever thank you.
I love you all.

oh how you lie
you smile behind that windex cleaned glass
secured by an overpriced frame
placed high up
for others to blankly stare into your lie
and laugh at the story
that is so broken
oh how you lie
you image of happiness

one thing
deeper deeper

one thing on the mind
going deeper going deeper

one thing bugging your thoughts
deeper deeper

one thing constantly buzzing around unable to let go
going deeper going deeper

one thing grabbing your attention to fill your mind with thoughts you feel are unnecessary
deeper deeper

one thing
going deeper going deeper
until you've hit the end

distractions distractions
all around
keeping people safe and sound
distractions distractions
dont go away
or then we'll be left here all astray

a ghostly truck wanders street to street
ringing the silent bell in your head
with no dream
no sense of wonder
but a feeling
the alarm goes off
no recollection of the mystical truck
but a feeling
no receipt
no notice
but a feeling
the day goes on
you holding the package you undesirably wanted
no way of returning
the sun falls
while the soft moon yawns its' way to play
the bed soft
the eyes close
a ghostly truck wanders street to street...

people feel things differently
go through things differently
learn differently
I don't understand why there's a comparison
why there's a need
to compare feelings with others
we're different
with different backgrounds
why compare
the incomparable?

can you hear the humming
the beating
the screaming
can you see the bruises
the cuts
the shame
can you see the dried tears
the fake smile
the mask
i hope you cant
you should be happy
and not brought down by me
i hope you cant
you've gone through enough
and you deserve more
i hope you cant
your too amazing
and i love to see you happy

our hands touch
and we're in another land
our lips kiss
and we're in a whole other universe

at least that's how i dream it would be

out in the field
with the dreams swarming
and the eyes closing
the girl falls asleep
with the dreams of a child
the women wakes up
and the eyes so mature
she lives
a life of dreams
with a laugh so strong
and a heart so warm
this way of life
is my dream

tip tap
you're tapping on the desk
in rhythm to an unknown song
snip snap
you open up in my hands
ready to be used
slish slash
you swing around
leaving a nasty mark
snip snap
you close in my hands
weird substance running down your side
tip tap
you beat on the desk
waiting for the possible snip snap

From a chicken nugget
to the moon
we are each others
From being crazy, off the wall weird
to calm and mellow
we are each others
From afar
to aclose
we are each others
From the moon
to a chicken nugget
we are happily each others

when things have its calm
silence
peace
happiness
don't move
don't breathe
don't blink
just freeze
and enjoy the little moment you may have
of this rare perfection

wake up
rub the worn out eyes
get ready for the day
that seems exactly the same as the one before
come home
to the same old mess
enjoy the few laughs
enjoy the company
enjoy the love shared
then drift softly into your sleep

the smile
the charm
the love
the care
no one can take it away
the hate
the anger
the loathe
the rage
only you can push it aside
the sadness
the loneliness
the hurt
the sorrow
we all feel it at some time
the feelings
the lessons
the light
the dark
everyone goes through their ****

the temptation
of that evil green light
so small
but there
begging for me to click on it
to tap across the board
to you
but i dont want to bother
i dont want to intrude
but the temptation
of that evil green light
so small
but there

is it fair
that i dont know
that im not sure
that i simply have no clue
is it fair
that its a long wait
that theres no end to be seen
that the timer seems endless
i know its not fair
that is why
i am sorry

Lightning
stricking down the worry
peircing through the pain
Thunder
booming the voices to silence
thrashing the care to the side
Freedom
is what i feel
when the sky is full of darkness
and the others are buried in the comfort of their home

the link between us
was made so young
it grew so quickly
and bulked so strong
the link between us
was made so long
it grew us so near
and tied the knot so tight
the link between us
was rusting so fast
it stretched so far
and did not break so easily
the link between us
was broken to so many peices
it shattered so far apart
and was left to be so alone

so much pain in those words
too much pain
though i don't know you
i want you to be okay
the world can be cruel
torturous
and simply unfair
just know
there's a light side
to what feels to be an eternal darkness
you'll be okay
my new stranger
don't try to hide like me
live out
and enjoy
the light over the darkness

don't look at me with sad eyes
at least not today
you've been bringing me down
more and more
but today
i want a break
you keep tearing me apart
with your sad tales
and sobbing tears
but today
please for me
be happy
for i want a break

no pity
no thought of mind that no one understands
no dwelling on whats happened
moving on
new year
no more of the old stories

as much as i wish all this can be done
it wont
there will be dwelling
and only slight moving on
people may understand but that doesn't matter

we all know whats good for us
but we dont want to listen to ourselves
so for once
listen

For you
I would steal the moon
I would bring you sunshine
I would take you to the end of a rainbow
For you
I smile
I laugh
I care
For you
I would hug till midnight
I would kiss till our mouths were dry
I would hold near till it was time to go
For you
I want to make you happy
For you
I would do anything

go look in that mirror
that you hate for no reason
go gaze at that face
that exudes beauty
but sees dirt
that smiles
but tears stream down the face
go see in that mirror
the reason i wake up in the morning
go look
and please see
what beauty i have the luck to gaze upon
i hope you see
what i see
which is pureness
loveliness
gracefulness
purpose
go look in that mirror
that you now should love

spiraling
spinning
out of control
everything mute
everything blinded
colors swarming
like bees to their hives
head pounding
to the beat of an unheard drum
the colors turn black
the mutes turn loud
the blinded turn sightly
spiraling
spinning
out of control
head slowing down
body slowing down
only the color black
and no more sound

The crisp sounds
of the trail
the pure nature
the peace of it all
yet
A headache that was too much to bare
made my nose drip blood
and taint some purified leafs
Guilt began to strangle me
I picked up the two stained leafs
the leafs illuminated the color red
against its dark brown canvas
my nose was still bleeding
The crisp sounds were shuttering about
I fall to my knees
with the leafs in hand
I look up to the branched covered sky
and think
Guilt
the feeling tightens around my neck
and my wrists
making me let go of the leafs
the pressure in my skull made the blood from my nose spew
the constriction grew stronger
and stronger
as I fall to my side
and grasp for one last breathe
i think
Guilt

swiftly
the air moves
the trees tussle
the grass sways
roughly
the cars zoom
the kids cry
the alarms call
paused
the way we talk
the way we stare
the way we are