so gentle your smile is
so shy as well
i don't know what you're hiding from
but i think it is cute

so warm your smile is
so timid as well
i want you to face the music
but take your time

so beautiful your smile is
so free as well
i want you to always smile
but also be happy

so wonderful your smile is
so day-making as well
i want you to be mine
but it's your decision in the end

intense
means nothing now
as if the word doesn't even exist
intense
there is too much
too much to the extent that
it lost its meaning
intense
people
feelings
natural disasters
intense
it was used too often
now it means nothing

is it fair
that i dont know
that im not sure
that i simply have no clue
is it fair
that its a long wait
that theres no end to be seen
that the timer seems endless
i know its not fair
that is why
i am sorry

I want to bring happiness
to let the tears melt away
to deliver laughter
I want to shoo away anger
to make it boil to a gas
to reveal a smile
I want to hold you close
if that makes you happy
I want to hold you far
if that makes you happy
I want you to be happy
so let me distribute you happiness

I know things are alright
and that they will actually get better
and if not better
they will get worse
but only for a moment
Only for a moment will the happiness last
the sadness
All life is
is moments
Moments on top of moments
Lessons on top of lessons
Hardships on top of ****** hardships
All for the big moment
which is life
I have come to despise moments
good or bad
I find no reason
I find it repetitive
I find the hardships especially a waste of time,
because why in all of these little moments
adding up to just one singular big moment
would there be pain in hardships?
Moments
I find there is no reason
Lessons
why have them, if the lesson itself is temporary
Hardships
why endure pain when all this is
is a
Moment

rub the eyes
that have seen so much
clean the ears
that have heard so much
rinse the mouth
that has said so much
wash the face
that has shown so much
cleanse the hands
that have touched so much
you can scrub as much
and as long as you want
but you cant change what has been done

play the part
the part of your character
the character
which the puppet master has created

we all dance
and laugh
simply putting on a show
for the evil puppet master

he watches with a giggle
creating new ideas
to entertain
his sick puppet master mind

as we laugh
and cry
to the demand
of our puppet master

we enjoy when he's happy
and suffer
when he is down
for he is the puppet master

we cannot fight back
for he calls the shots
and if he senses a rebel
scissors will be in the hand of our puppet master

don't irritate him
he has a temper
and a sick sense of humor
for he is our puppet master

you say you're awful
mean
nerdy
slutty
a *****

why would you bring yourself down?
why wouldn't you see the good?
why would you blind yourself
from who you really are?

what I see is a strong
fun
pretty
intellectual
caring
person

you're one of the rare ones,
please see that

the rock
so tough and strong
the baby bird
so weak and helpless
with one push
the rock is rolling
rolling
rolling
the baby bird stuck
it hasn't learned to fly
the baby bird watching the rock
tumbling more and more
towards itself
it gives up trying to be free
the rock
still hurdling its way down
doesn't seem to be stopping
the baby bird lies down
closes its eyes
and doesn't wake
the rock skids to a stop
it was on its way to help ****
the approaching cat from behind
the rock wanted to help
but ended up doing the most damage

knowledge...
is it worth the pain
is it worth the time that is going to be wasted
on emotions that can wait
knowledge
it's a curse that sadly we all contain
I want to know
but i dont want to be haunted by the images
the physical pain
the emotional pain
the unknown crap fest that will come with knowledge
knowledge...
its a curse
that we all contain

the inflicted hallmark love is in the air
roses
chocolates
teddy bears
stuff you can buy all year
now made important
i love this foolish holiday though
with its cute glances
and little nik-nak gifts
its cute
the inflicted hallmark love is in the air
for its valentines

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love poetry
just not as much as you

the clock ticking
our hearts beating
the pens tapping
our brains dreaming
the feet stomping
our hands joining
the bell ringing
our hearts pounding
the lips kissing
our faces flushing
the feeling impulsing
our love increasing
the bell ringing
our lips separating
the clock ticking

The crisp sounds
of the trail
the pure nature
the peace of it all
yet
A headache that was too much to bare
made my nose drip blood
and taint some purified leafs
Guilt began to strangle me
I picked up the two stained leafs
the leafs illuminated the color red
against its dark brown canvas
my nose was still bleeding
The crisp sounds were shuttering about
I fall to my knees
with the leafs in hand
I look up to the branched covered sky
and think
Guilt
the feeling tightens around my neck
and my wrists
making me let go of the leafs
the pressure in my skull made the blood from my nose spew
the constriction grew stronger
and stronger
as I fall to my side
and grasp for one last breathe
i think
Guilt

The time passing by
some seconds so slow
some hours so fleeting
The memories holding on
to my brain
to my weak heart
The love we shared
never ending
never releasing
The pain of your distance
is the worst
is unbearable
The thought of you at peace
makes me jealous
makes me want to join you
The people I care for now
care enough for me to stay
care enough for me to want to stay

unheard happiness
unwanted anger
underestimated intimidation
unloving lies
undermining images
unfaithful source
unalterable devastation

distractions distractions
all around
keeping people safe and sound
distractions distractions
dont go away
or then we'll be left here all astray

Worthless
Waste of space
time
money
oxygen
Selfish
Self absorbed
naive
arrogant
liar
A Piece of Crap
that people get annoyed with
from stepping on
and slide your nothingness away against the
hot
rough
concrete
Worthless
is what you have made of yourself

sun drops tickle the backs of children's necks
as the adults are cold with bitterness

winds flow through the children's hair
as the adults worry about tangles

clouds pass the smiling children
as it wants to rain on the adults

trees shade the sweaty children
as it keeps the adults cold in their bitterness

the grass plays along with the children
as it grabs and wants more from the adults

the children and adults share one thing:
oblivion of this magic secret message nature is trying to send

enjoy being young and old
have fun

Every time our eyes meet
I love you more
Which, our eyes meet a lot
like a whole lot
enough times in a day
that the fact I love you more each time
is quite honestly ridiculous.
But it happens
and i'm not in any way going to try to stop it.

wake up
rub the worn out eyes
get ready for the day
that seems exactly the same as the one before
come home
to the same old mess
enjoy the few laughs
enjoy the company
enjoy the love shared
then drift softly into your sleep

so scary
the wait
so breathe taking
the wait
so yearning
the wait
so unsure
the wait
so tiring
the wait

boiling
boiling
like no other feeling
a volcano erupting
in the very pit of sanity
boiling
boiling
no cooling system around
just piles
and piles
of worn out ****
boiling
boiling
the eruption
like a tantrum
wipes out all who is around
no where for them to go
just let the ashes envelope them
and **** them
boiling boiling
the erupting volcano
never rests

shadows
showing either the past
or the future
for a split second you can feel the rush of the present
but in all
we worry more about what is coming
or what is lingering
the great thing about looking to the future
is working towards it
the bad thing about looking back to the past
is knowing you can't change it
no matter how much you work
so keep those shadows close
and don't look to far ahead
or behind
and of course enjoy the split second you have of
the present

you hurt me
yet i talked to you
as if we were friends

you hurt the one i love
yet i have no hurt
to bring to you

you hurt me
yet i want to know
if your okay

you hurt the one i love
yet i want to share
sympathy for you

you hurt a chunk of my life
yet i talked to you as if
it is all okay

souls rising day and night
but yours must stay
yours must never let go
hold on my angel
i'll reach for you
reach until my arms fall off
then i will join you
souls rising day and night
please hold on
squeeze till you can't anymore
don't give up my angel
i'll never let you go
you might as well stay
my sweet little angel

your fluff
your crisp
the clinking in the bowl
colors blending
with the liquid mix
the silver saber
comes down upon thee
lifts the fluff
and crisp
away from the liquid mix
into the vessel of my cranium
seeping down the tunnel of darkness
into the pit of juices
and acids
to later excrete from the cave of wonders
and into another source of a liquid mix
and down yet another tunnel
into another universe
or dimension
of other wonders
what and adventure you've had
you no longer crisp or fluffy substance

brass wires
folding and twisting
the body
becoming unknown
the patient smile gone
the truth gone
enemies becoming friends
with a blink of an eye
the giving is not wanted by the receiver
hands worn
sweat dried
the giving is not wanted

slowly stepping barefoot on the white powdered pebbles
way up high on a roof top
there was a small garden with tomatoes to the left of me
i don’t know why i thought they looked so nice
but they did, and i stared.
still stepping on the pebbles,
feeling the sensitive nerves tingle to the some what sharp points
i kept walking
walking until i reached an edge.
the garden was behind me now
but i could still smell the freshness
i look down to the vacant street
it was so far down
a gust of wind went through my fingers and around my body
gently caressing my cheeks
i looked up to the beautiful sky, as i often do
and take a deep breathe
nothing but the scent of the garden filled my mind
i leap
i leap off of this high building getting closer to the maximizing street
something takes hold of me though
tightly
it was a rope
it was itchy for those few seconds around my neck
as i kept falling
there was a sudden stop
maybe 10 feet above the ground
my feet shook like mad
the rope didn’t break my neck, but was certainly suffocating me
constricting more and more against my throat
there was no more smell of the garden
there was chaos
worry
care
concern
fear
laughter
tears
anger
memories
dream­s
funneled in so rapidly as i fight for a single full breathe
i just so missed the smell of that garden

the ring of the bell
is a release so powerful
so pleasing
so meaningful
the end of the ding
insists in a sigh
a smile
a sudden relaxation
the ring of the bell
is the start of something strong
powerful
stressful
time consuming
the end of the ding
insists on a sigh
of starting over
the game
of stress

oh how you lie
you smile behind that windex cleaned glass
secured by an overpriced frame
placed high up
for others to blankly stare into your lie
and laugh at the story
that is so broken
oh how you lie
you image of happiness

i can see
but cannot touch
as if i were in a museum
and you
yes you
would be behind the bullet proof glass
safely placed
for display only
so beautiful
yet fragile
so passionate
yet weak
i want to break the glass
to be with you
to talk with you
to hold you
but again
its as if im in a museum
and your behind the bullet proof glass
i can look
but cannot touch

tip tap
you're tapping on the desk
in rhythm to an unknown song
snip snap
you open up in my hands
ready to be used
slish slash
you swing around
leaving a nasty mark
snip snap
you close in my hands
weird substance running down your side
tip tap
you beat on the desk
waiting for the possible snip snap

a ghostly truck wanders street to street
ringing the silent bell in your head
with no dream
no sense of wonder
but a feeling
the alarm goes off
no recollection of the mystical truck
but a feeling
no receipt
no notice
but a feeling
the day goes on
you holding the package you undesirably wanted
no way of returning
the sun falls
while the soft moon yawns its' way to play
the bed soft
the eyes close
a ghostly truck wanders street to street...

when things have its calm
silence
peace
happiness
don't move
don't breathe
don't blink
just freeze
and enjoy the little moment you may have
of this rare perfection

Drowning
Suffocating
Constraining
These purely physically degrading sensations
feel so real just in my mind
I know I'm breathing fine
but I'm drowning
I know I have room to be
but I'm suffocating
I know I can move around
But I'm being constrained
The mind is a powerful machine
that's why I am terrified to fall asleep feeling the
Drowning
Suffocating
Constraining
purely physically degrading sensations
that are all wrapped up in my mind

the temptation
of that evil green light
so small
but there
begging for me to click on it
to tap across the board
to you
but i dont want to bother
i dont want to intrude
but the temptation
of that evil green light
so small
but there

confusion seems to be simply an excuse for people to hide behind their true feelings
but for me
if i use the word confusion, then i am truly confused
boredom seems to be the reason why people do stupid things
but for me
if im bored ill find something productive to do, and not just waste my time
lonesome seems to be the reason why people find things to do with people they shouldn't have anything to do with
but for me
if im lonely ill go chill with friends or my dogs, and won't do things that are stupid or could hurt me
please don't confuse me for all the other people you so confidently think i fit in with
for if those are the things you think everyone does and think im doing the exact same
then you don't know me at all

When I think of your smile
oh gah that smile
I melt
yet stay cool
You make me feel like I can fly
while standing perfectly still
When I think of your eyes
oh gah those eyes
I shatter
yet remain sturdy
You make me feel like I can be anywhere
while just wanting to stay
When I think of you
oh gah
I think love

when someone you love
is gone
you want to say you still love them
but can you love someone
who isn't there
who you can't
talk to
hold onto
or rely on
not imaginary
just gone
can you love someone
who will never return

winged companions
spread your wings
and fly to your freedom
i can only imagine your beauty

winged companions
feel that ease
and enjoy that release from insanity
i can only hope your happy

winged companions
take that step to your dreams
and enjoy that it is now your reality
i can only imagine the feeling

winged companions
nourish what you've become
and leave all regrets
i can only hope to see you someday

Dear friends,

Gone and present friends. Followers and leaders.
Lovers and haters.
My friends.
Some of you see through the rotted old mask
that i wear so proudly.
Some of you are blinded by the luminescent glow
of that rotted masks smile.
I love you all, my friends.
You are what make that mask fall to show the beast behind,
the tangled mess of a life.
My friends.
Nothing more can make me happy.
Nothing less could hold up the cost.
Dear friends, I thank you, and will forever thank you.
I love you all.

I am not a lovey person
though I love a lot
I do not like to hold hands
but I love a warm embrace
I am not a fan of hugging in public
but when we hug, let's not let go
I won't miss seeing you after a day or two
but I love seeing you when I get the chance
I don't show a lot of affection
I just simply don't
I would much rather be a goof ball
than a romantic goon
I adore kisses
and am a big believer in love
but in the smaller sense
In the random purchases of flowers
little notes
purchases of your favorite candy
(or whatever you've been craving lately)
I like the unexpected little things
I don't show much affection
but I do show love

to push down this volcanic feel
that will burn anyone in the way
that will destroy everything
is getting harder to do
while one person pushes down
at least a dozen pull
if only those idiots knew
what destruction will come
what harm they will release
if only that one person was stronger
to push down this volcanic feel
is one of the hardest things to do
as well as the most stupid
because once released
(which is inevitable)
the person who has been pushing down for all this time
will be the one hurt the most
pushing down this volcanic feel
wont last long

like a stone
hearts should be
like an open box
minds should be
like a thing unknown
our love is shared

the *******
the lies
the fake tears
the fake laughs
the pushed feelings
the everything
is unreal
is a waste of my time
is underestimated in power
is tearing me apart

you're like a dog
who just ate **** from a diaper
even with the chicken waiting in your bowl
you took what was closest
not willing to take a slight challenge
and too ignorant to see what the better option was

What can you do
when there is nothing?
nothing to grab onto
nothing to to hold you
nothing
just nothing
What can you say
when you are tired of your voice?
your whine
What can you think
when your mind is drowning?
drowning in the darkness
drowning and nearing of the dim lights of no more hope
drowning
just drowning
What can you dream
when you can't sleep?
can't get anything done
What can you do
when you becoming nothing?
from the thoughts
restless nights
loss of hope
loss of any sign of ******* hope
Nothing
just nothing
can help escape this.

Except for the pressing beauty that life and loved ones surely give,
but seems to be less important
as your spiraling into nothing envelops you into your own self destruction
There is in fact hope
though hard to see
and even impossible to comprehend at times
it's there, and you have to believe not only in yourself
but those small moments life gives you that make it all worth it.

That make the nights
though rough
bearable for the sunshiny morning to come
The thoughts
though dark
hard to hear through the laughs shared with loved ones
The feeling of nothingness
though tragically around
can be filled with the moments of pure happiness
Which do in fact exist in this ****** up world.

It's not okay
don't ignore it
It's a truly scary feeling
and shouldn't be brushed off
but there is a light at the end of this tunnel
there is hope
it does get better
and all of those cliches
Just remember the moments
from a shared laugh
to a love fest with pets
from a hug
to a kiss
from a funny moment on t.v.
to a literal laugh out loud moment in real life

This life is crazy
****** up
messy
heart wrenching
cruel at times
but
breath taking
beautiful
amazing
magnificent
and filled with moments
worth sharing and living for

It's all about the moments

falling
feeling every subtle wind flow around my body
shielding my eyes from regret
lifting my heart to be hit first
laughing my last laugh as a sign of goodbye
never yelling
or screaming
not one shred of doubt
only embracing the cliche tunnel of light
flying away
as i watch the dreaded body lie
from a simple splat
lifting higher into your arms
into your brace
into your love
but first
i must feel every subtle wind flow around my body