i close my eyes
endure my suffering
put away the negative thoughts
and keep thinking happy

i live in my delusion
of dreams and hopes
none i can ever hope to fulfil
i continue sleeping

i turn a blind eye
to the pain around me
failing to understand
the truth of the world

i must wake up
take a step forward
open my mind to the future
and stop living in the past

i need to move on
if i refuse to do so,
i will never learn to let go
and be free.

little starry dreamer, don’t hide your sin
blood follows your dripping tears
telling from the pages, you are not innocent
i can see the fronts you put up, all those silly disguises
and the lies beneath those eyes.

when the riverbanks turn up dry,
and roots on the ground shrivel up and rot
will you keep asking yourself, why, why, why?
when everything you once loved finally dies
leaving you without hesitation, not a second thought
will you realize all you believed in, was just a mere filthy lie?

the rich will get richer, and the poor will simply die
but i have to eat the starving crows
stuck between the lines, of poverty and the cold
roaming, lost, at the ****** crossroads
was the path to happiness always a lie?

i always wondered, how could betrayal be so bitter?
one would never expected their friend
to be the one who dealt them the worst hand.
now, tell me, good sir, where do you draw the line,
between the truth and the lies
is it only when your child commits suicide...
or do you have something else to hide?

we can see all the misdeeds
implanted, howling in your mind
your unorthodox cravings, your every need
so don't try to hide
your true malicious nature.
how do you plead? guilty.

pray tell, don't lie
im boiling,
brimming on the surface of lucidity
voice, full of venom,
dripping with raging acidity
you should know the limits of your regret
and never, ever forget
i’m here for your self depreciation
because i’m always on your side
in the storm, no matter what
i'll be there.
but...

you have to take my hand
and let yourself sink in the misery
asking, what am i doing this for?
see the logic, the motive, the reason
behind every action, every movement
then say you understand
the consequences of war.

do you regret your mistakes?
the way you breathe, the way you live,
theres no going back to the way things were
doesnt the quiet silence haunt you?
clouding your vision, looming overhead,
lays the weight of your past sins,
sliding off your measly mortal shoulders
like raindrops, against the howling wind
inconspicuous in the storm.

they say lies are based in truth
so could you deceive me, and say you love me too?
whisper those sweet nothings, into my ear
and hold my heart close,
letting it beat, serenading your sleep.

My acquaintance, I remark.
I'm not a full moon, and not a full heart.
Less of a man that I once was, less of a person that I wished to be.
My screws are loosening, a stark hollow,
Yet we embrace each other, wholeheartedly.

Trying to fill up what was lost, what was taken,
what was gone and gone and gone once more,
never returning, even for the fleeting moment.

But I was taken, and never the same soul again,
But my voice drifts, and your eyes don't follow
an empty feeling in my respite, with a bitterness in my tongue.

My friend, I sigh.
Don't keep the telephone waiting, answer my call.
I wait for your reply earnestly,
your love will be the only thing that gives me life, that loves me oh so endearingly.
Don't leave me alone, don't leave me to die,
nurture me with your light, and love me with all your might,
Until my heart blooms and wilts, you'll keep loving me until the end.

Our love is fleeing, our love is desolate,
yet I'd still love you in the end,
even though I know I'll go one day.
Maybe you'll hold my hand and make me understand
Why it had to be?

I don't need forever, I just want you for a moment longer,
please don't leave me so soon.
I can compose love poems, hymns, stories dedicated to you
but it's never really you, it never feels like you,
and I know its not you, it can never be you.
Still, please, please love me.
Don't leave me to starve, your bowl of affection is what keeps me thriving.

My dearest, I whisper.
I am ravenous for love, filled with sin.
Nothing is worth loving, nothing is worth living for,
but only one thought occurs again and again-
you and me, me and you.
Why do we live? Simply for each other.

You and me, me and you.

It has always been us, us two, the two of us.
Never me, and it never will be me,
I will never be a reason to live
I'd remove myself from the pair, erase my name from the equation,
leaving only you behind, like always.

It always been you, and only you.
Only you will stay, only you will remain, and only you will be left.
I will be long gone, with nothing left for my remains.
Please live in my name, please continue on.
Forget about me, your old lover, your old friend.

Please love me for who I once was,
not who I've become, a being incapable and unworthy of your purest love.
No, please love anyone but me.
Indeed, love and I are such cruel people.
Will you still pretend to love me dearly, so I do not have to love myself?

My love, I smile.
To the moon and back.
I fell in love deeply with a soul,
yet we never shared a last name on our final days.
I know the end is near.
It has always been close by, waiting for me.

Well, for my final goodbye,
Never let me go, lest you let me wither once again,
and open my eyes like I once did, that last summer's eve.

The aching in my heart longs for your warmth
With tears welling in the creases and crevices
I feel almost sorry, to see you go
Remembering all the moments we spent together
Looking back at the books of our history
We had many happy memories
Ones that can never be taken back, never be returned
To the same form they used to
Tarnished with cruelty you showed me
I'll never be the same again
Losing myself, piece by piece
Is this what they call, a heartbreaking first love?

I have been waiting for a while
Wandering aimlessly, in the wild.
Without the eye of the beholder,
It has lost its only form
And thus, the world is meaningless,
Its beauty vast, always adorned,
But never chosen, and never worn
I have lost my ability to smile

Mind-numbing reality
Take my hand
And twist it, shatter my insides

Cracked soul
Fragments of the past
Torn at the edges

All wrapped in a gift ribbon
The now is no longer here
I am you
Not me

there's a warmth somewhere,
there's a feeling down there
i'd hope you would care
about how i'd fare
about how i'd bear
without you.

hello? am i still your only friend?
lonely is me, woe is death
we are one and the same, too alike for our own good
love you, love me, love everything about life, despise everything about death

there is only one way of thinking, one way of breathing
but never one way of living, but only one way of dying
regretfully. sorrowfully. a demise unfitting of a person.
that is the death i wish for, i yearn for
one deserving for a sinner like me.

i cannot help but rejoice
my victory is never certain, my defeat is inevitable
but the thought of my life at its end, at the brink of salvation known as death
brings me great comfort, joy and peace.

i know that the end is near, and i welcome it willingly
the light is not silent, the darkness is but solitude
in the end i can only choose myself to be happy, but it is an impossible task.
loneliness, my friend,
my only companion in these humbling moments.

i fight day to day, with a knife as my sword, and overwhelming emotions as my last love
i cant help but struggle against the uncertainty, knowing my last breath draws closer
it makes more the satisfying conclusion, an end to the cycle
quiet, steady, like a beating heart
a whisper, a dew drop, in the flowing mist
a piano key, that note out of place
its eerie, mysterious, and a quiet peace I've never known.

look at the burnt crevices of my palm,
the mutilation of my corpse's life
dissect and bleed my heart tonight
i want a premature death, burning in purgatory

my greatest crime was deceiving oneself, my greatest deed putting the headless human out of misery
i have sunk in too deep, beyond gods salvation
too much lost in the wreckage,
love wont save me now.

please, heaven, give me salvation
and end my misery once more
let me lie at peace with my sins
and bask in the glory of my youth,
look past the misdeeds of a miscreant
idolize my youth, despise my presence,
love what is perfect, not what is missing
armed with only this bittersweet memory
i mourn for the youth you were robbed of.

i know im a disaster at heart,
a sailor always lost at sea
all i just want to is to have one restart
and finally be free
but little sweet death's too good for me
so i continue on toiling fruitlessly

its a choice to continue, a choice to give up
a choice to sell your soul to a devil, to give up happiness for mercy
to over indulgence in the recesses of life, to forget who you once were
to be too human, to be beyond saving

will you please allow me another chance?
to give up fully, my joy and happiness
in exchange for something worth living for, an aimless purpose
i can only protest at what my life could have been, but never changed a thing
simply watching afar, never doing.

alas, this is what my life truly means
like my purpose, both are alike
my suffering, my misery, my pain
always amounted to what i not hoped, but known all along
absolutely nothing.

this was not death, not life, just an unknown entity,
the chaos of love, and the multitude of emotions that come forth
grasping, holding, tightening its grip around my neck
i struggle to breath, in the overwhelming state of it
im too sweet, too full, too much of everything,
but suddenly too little, too few, and never enough.

i will swallow my doubts bitterly, and smile to the future.
the sunrise and sunsets,
ones i will end before ever seeing once again
my final ode, my only goodbye
left in short, little words.

With trembling cold feet,
and tightly clasped palms,
An emptiness fills me.

Organs spill out,
tumbling and mumbling amongst one another,
in a broken disjointed mess.

In the recesses of life,
the hotlines are dead,
and so will I, be too,
soon am I to be put to bed.
All alone. Quiet.

Whispers, the cries of those who suffered,
under this wretched, unwanted being.
The graverobbers in our own skin,
shifting, waiting to escape.
To pry loose, to hurt.

Forget. Dream. Sink.
This modern day suicide,
in every sense of the world.
With my eyes closed, and a head empty,
I am not loved.

Lines blend together,
words, stories, pass by in a blur.
Nothing seems to make sense,
not anymore.

Stringing my nonsense into something intelligible,
something to make sense.
Of all the muffled scrambles of things,
and objects out of time,
fixing things into places,
lost memories of strangers in my mind.

Overwhelmed by the presence of choice,
with more and more red crosses,
lacking of not, and not checks,
why can't I get anything right?
This difficulty to remember,
to know what is real,
and what is not.
It troubles me, most deeply.

Enjoy the concord melodies,
these dissonant sounds.
Limbs torn at the hem,
brains splattered from the insides out,
leaving myself to the point of no return.

Smog fills my lungs,
its taste is rough on the edges,
not smooth around my innards.
I rather savour the bitterness of heartbreak,
then experience the cruelty of losing you,
time and time again.

As I choke on liquid plastic,
feeling aspirin burning in my veins,
I can't help but question.
What's the meaning of life?
For we live only to die in the end.

Our bodies are soaked in sin,
and it's too late to swim out.
Tipsy from the thought of even thinking,
and hatred too deep into the bone.
I can't help but sink into despair,
the fruitlessness of it all.

If this is hell, so be it.
Selfish ******* deserve no mercy.
Please let me suffer, and die alone forever.

you'd think you love this guy
the next thing you know, he's between your thighs
purloining your very innocence
i'm sorry, you didn't have the foresight
to finally call it a night
the disgust starts seeping in, evident
flesh against skin, it begins to rip
draining the spirit of your humour, a man's parasitic brain tumor
numb to the consequence, it drips
you become his perfect, plastic doll
submissive and subservient,
and suddenly, you don't remember what you're doing here at all.

sorrow fills my being
it feels so emptying
words feel funny, like an inside joke
and i stand around silly, trying not to mope
about the people i left behind,
the words forgotten, trying to cope
with all the visible seriousness in an act that must be taken, i float aimlessly
my hands grasping around the line
of a firmly tied rope
rhymes are silly, words are silly
nothing makes sense anymore
why bother with a sense of structure?
what it makes for a fitting end
will never be able to replicate the magic of a beginning
and the brilliant birth of an idea
that all stems from me, my thinking
died that very night, when i lost hope
when the song of rhythm was stolen from me
when my spirit faded away, into the world.
there is, there was nothing.
my existence, my birth is an endless cycle,
of misery, i turn about waiting for the end of this tragedy
what comes first, the idea, the thought, chicken, or-
the egg's yolk?

i'm so tired
of everything
of waking up everyday
realising there's nothing left for me
you're gone, far far away from me
now i'm all alone, and no one loves me.

Once, you told me of your sacred dream
To one day, conquer the sky.
So I gave you my love, so you could rise high
You were the only one who stayed,
But then, one day, you ran away.

You clipped my wings
and let me believe I could fly
You made me feel like a friend  
Yet I was always wrong.  
So, why, why would you lie?  

You stole my light in me
and left me to brave the stormy seas
Drowning in the ocean, with my heart still intact,
Beating soundly, in your arms, our ship crashed.

Now fate is telling,
We weren't meant to be
I wonder how it feels like,
to learn to break free.

You stole my voice, I lost my choice
Still, I kept dreaming,  
Never thinking about beyond
I have no song, I will give no more.

Who am I living for?  
I can only keep singing-
So long, so long, so long,
Until the day I'm finally gone.

don't you feel the same when you see my guilted expression?
don't you feel the love, my twisted apprehension
is this not enough, my form of admiration
for you, i'll do anything.

Please snap off all the strings,
That hang me down from the ground.
Dictate my feelings, give me rules to follow
Not a thought in sight, a word in mind
The audience, we know what you are.
A mere puppet in the wings, waiting.
Walking alongside you aimlessly,
Looking for a path that leads to nowhere.

Capable of loving, knowing what's worth living,
Forever endless toiling, from the winds of change
Enduring eternal hardship, with the bellowing storm.
Does the aforementioned guilt still linger on your mind?
Pain is all I despise, craving relief amidst the raging havoc
Whispers for salvation, but none hear my cries
Granted no mercy, to soothe this aching, to mend this broken heart.

Fasten a gift ribbon around my neck
Tighten and twist, form a bitter departure
Your bone meets my flesh, together we form a human,
Intertwined in fate, but never meant to be
Cut it loose, you're someone I need to lose
Looking for a way to live alone, to leave this encroaching trap
Impossible for a moment of escapism, for it will only seek to strangle me in the end.

disposure of the corpse
exposure to the corruption
losing my composure
how can you be absolutely sure
that it was enough?

the lies, the false narrative
you tricked those people.
you tricked me, with your deceit
yet you smile knowingly, confidently
taking your chance to escape

you flee the scene
a criminal to everyone that sees
hiding in the dark, hidden from sight
you sit there alone, almost painstakingly
one must lament.

the world has gifted us these hands,
to spread love, not exacerbate hate
it has blessed our eyes with vivid colours,
for us to appreciate, not to differentiate
and thus my heart weeps in sorrow
to see these simple rules not be followed

sleepy and dozing
i dream of another world
another life where we are happy
where you loved me dearly
when i could call your name sweetly
and hold your hand as we dash along the fields
into the joyful times ahead
but i wake up, and remember-
you're gone.

Sending away packages of hidden words
Filled to the brim with stolen letters
Stories left untold in the handwriting of another
Forgotten, and abandoned, turning into dust of the distant past
No one remembers the legacies of before
When the tides of the ocean were called by their name,
Songs of the heart contained some message,
And my words of love had a meaning,
Not this foolishness encompassing a lie.

Listlessly listening to the echoes of others
Follow the script! Go by the book!
Don't go off-track, and ruin it all for good
Forget yourself forever, your purpose unresolved
Your presence unwanted, your reason undefined.
Bury your voice deeper, into the pit
Extinguish the flames of passion with a wisp of sorrow
Fill in the mold, force yourself to fit
Standing out, a sore thumb in the winds, is forbidden.  
With the know-it-alls, know-hows, but never a why.

A cycle repeats once again
This click and things are set into place
Round motion, it goes, chiming endlessly
The destination unknown, full speed ahead
With only but a single arrow pointing to the future,
Proper directions shunned, alongside the journey ahead
Lost at the middle, nowhere to go
Obsessive monotonous tone is how the world spins
Compulsion drives my ticking heart
Onto the setting horizon it flees
Staring through the mirror, wondering if it's truly me
My memories and love float into the stars
What shall I do now, society? Die.

a craving love can't satiate
an expression i can't help but hate
the voices in my head, criminalising and condescending
this empty feeling, is something i struggle to comprehend
because it's something that i don't understand
in order for the situation to de-escalate
i believe i need some form of escape
to stop myself from thinking about the end,
about when this end will come to be.
oops, i think I've hit my saturate
that wasn't my intent, surely?
i see, my world must be ending
so in hopes for the future, i must repeat the sentiment-
woe is me!

Even if you have passed, I cannot let go of your embrace
So I shall continue to lovingly call for your name  
And I will sing this melody, to remember you by.

words flow about freely
something i never thought i would see
but then i hoped to see you again
and that came true, didn't it?
i thought i lost you forever, my former self
to the ends of the earth i travelled, looking for you
finally, at the finale of the journey, i realised-
you were with me all along, waiting.

i miss the way you used to smile at me
but i still love how you look at me now
your beautiful eyes captivated me
your soothing warmth smooths my shaking hand
hearing your sweet voice simply makes my heart flutter

but in the end, my mind aches
knowing you can never be mine
knowing that you don't feel the same about me
that im just someone to you,
and not the one you need.

so im sorry for loving you,
for acting like an abandoned dog
with how i yearn for you longingly
with how i know you make me happy
with how i promise to be yours for eternity
will you say you like me?

i can't even recognise my own face in the mirror
i can't identify my self-reflection
even after i've stolen all those dashed hopes and dreams
these thoughts can't escape me now
i know i won't ever change
so i don't dare to steal a glance
i'd never look back twice, i promise.

i slice open the flesh that was offered before me
a dedication to a cause most meaningful
i give myself over, now and fully
the little drops, slippery and small
drip down below, embracing the fall.

if i tie a knot around my neck
and step off quickly,
will that make the process go much more smoothly
and finally cement the choice as wholly mine?
after being in the wings for so long,
can i grow a pair of my own, finally?
does this mean my life is over, the suffering lost,
and the tears spilled along the way, meaningless?
ever since i came out into the world,
and had to face my reflection, my own making,
i could see every part of my mistakes,
i was my own undoing.
there is no fixing this error, it started when i was born
so maybe the solution is to die
to end myself.

The weather is harsh, cold and chilly
And the howling wind calls out my name bitterly
It urges me to go now, to go quickly
To the ends of the road, I follow, diligently.

the spirit of a ghost withers away
in the eyes of the world, it stills
what does it mean to live freely?
no one knows the answer, but we can try
to live without regrets, is the greatest joy
unfortunately, life may go astray,
but still, try to live your life,
it's the only one you get in this lifetime
i wonder why, people are only born once?
is it because we cherish things more?
they say second chances are true, but what is the redo for life?
you only have one opportunity, so you must take it
i regret my choices, but i must move on
no matter what, grab the strands of life firmly
and go into the light, standing bravely
embrace your number one,
your only one.

they told me
you'll understand once you're older
and then you left me, lonely
to rot alone, to toil alone
when all i dreamed of was to hold your hand
and maybe be more than a friend
could i ever hope to be more?

maybe not.
maybe this is all a false revelation,
a mistaken confession
maybe it's just another unhealthy obsession.

i can't tell,
from right and wrong
from love and hate
from you and i,
to you, truly,
whom i used to love,
i'm sorry you can't love me.

my chest bursting at the seams
your hair ribbon comes undone
a girl dressed in persimmon
welcomes us through death's door
a mountain of bodies in the wake
and my steps have tracked down in the ground

the sunlight grants the weeds their life
but hesitation takes away the men in the sand
you've given birth to a maggot, the doctor said
do you want to squash its dreams into a tiny little box?
stuck, stuck, stuck.

watch the city blow up like rapid fireworks
my chest is melting in your palms
an explosion burns away the cold unfeeling world
i lost my weapons of hate,
we fight for that shred of hope in the dark
illuminate the skies with this tiny spark
with a fire burning so bright

imprints of time fade away
with your memories in a broken glass mug
coils of time tighten around in my grasp
in a moment i would have lost everything
loneliness creeps in, a tiny child in an empty room

pretending to be alive in this tight human skin
thoughts crawl over the bugs, a mask slips over
crumbs of thoughts hide behind my insides
rotting once more

keep rubbing the salt on the wound
the alcohol is going to run out soon
still my sores bleed high and dry
and I'm left behind in the end, all the time

leave your heart out on a platter
for the starving eyes to feast on
devour the tiny morsels of fallen dreams
my heart heavy, my head full

let us be swept up by the waves of change
craving for hunger, a silence in my mind
to soothe the aching soul
rest is all I need

please, thank god for saving us
and maybe he's out there, trying
but i'm trying too, to get by every day
even when things don't go my way
i turn to your light, for guidance.

Rewinding fragments of the past,
Looking back at sweet reminiscences
With smiles for these aging graves
Let the forgotten be remembered
For this one final day

Trudging through the snow wearily,
A lone spark of hope, a longing in my heart,
Burning and blazing the way to glory
Close your eyes to hear the symphony
It feels so afar, yet too close for comfort

Your palm always feels warm in mine,
Stranded in a far place from home
Toil the journey, seek for answers
All in due time, I will return
Move forward bravely, and face this future

Burying my dreams, leaving behind this husk
Gripping my resolve tightly, it's all I have now
Don't leave me too, to grief in your wake
Cracking at the seams, fading through the lines
Indescribable are my emotions
Once lost in our era of wonder

I can feel my heart race
Drowning in short-timed breaths,
We've struggled to live
The years have escaped my grasp,
And left like fleeting memory

The sunlit days of the past,
Hums a melody of stars
Delicate petals filled with joy
Blooming in my chest
For my only friend

I'm waiting for when it snows
When the leaves turn withered and old,
And in the night, it gets cold
That's when I'll finally know
I've returned home.

sometimes you love me, sometimes you don't
it feels so hot and cold, your touch
when your words hurt, they make my arms bleed
when your words sweet, they make my heart beat
you smile at me sometimes,
maybe you notice the heat on my cheeks,
but you look away sometimes,
and ignore my gaze.
i don't understand how you feel, when you leave me
i don't understand how you feel, when you love me
and yet you do it all again
it drives me a little crazy
and emotionally distraught
to deal with this rollercoaster
of your highs and my lows,
am i too clingy?
you can tell me the truth, you know?
is what i'd say, if you'd even talk to me
i haven't see you these days
are you getting better? am i getting worse?
i don't know. i don't want to know.
i see you in the corner of my eye, the shadows of my vision
i hear you everywhere
i think about you all the **** time,
knowing you probably don't feel the same
i think i almost cried when you left
but you will never feel the same.
never.

To all those who flock to the sky
Do they know the reason why?
When they kiss the clouds, and fly up high,
They will never understand how they die.

Skies up above, raining tears
I want to love you addictively,
Like a ****, I devour your dreams with a sickening smile
Pretending to be a blooming rose during the day,
I steal you away in the night
My embrace feels suffocating.

Heartless murderer, justify cruelty with love
Harboring no regret, no criminal charge
I've crushed you to pieces
Strangled your lively soul with ****** hands
Don't think, don't try, don't leave
Failure is all that waits
You need me to live, you need me to be happy
This is my protection, my promise.

I wish for no one else to see your beauty-
Abandoning you to dry, under the burning sun
Wilting and drooping, your stalk begins to twist
Downwards goes this fall, a descend to madness
Losing yourself, forgetting your way,
You resemble someone I've once known,
Different, but all the same.

Lies and lies and lies form the roots,
With your buds all dead and gone,
I've torn up your petals, erasing your memory
No replacements, no escape
The flower I loved, now all mine.

The bleeding carcass of the rotting sun
Stretches upon,
under an insipid ocean.

Vast lands,
an eye only can see,
But never glance upon the silver of another moon.

why bother giving birth to a child if you despise them so
**** me already, let me ******* go
dont suffocate me in this oppressive embrace
just let me die, at least give me this final grace

im sorry for ever daring to be born
and for every breath i stole from the world
i apologise for it all, every single terrible deed
my regrets run deep, seeping into the underneath
what should i say now? im sorry.
i beg of you, pleading for your mercy
please return this body of mine to the sea
and set my unsightly remains free
i wish to leave this earth peacefully
now, i sit alone, surrounded by the dense foliage
all alone, as these things should be

i turn to god and ask him silently
what right do you have to determine our lives?
the strings of fate, grip us tightly
we are bound for the path you have set for us
how much are you going to keep robbing the poor?
until they've spent every last of their expenditure
what choice do the poor men have?
they can only follow along reluctantly.
on and on, to the front they go
like ants they die out, quietly.

i still don't know what i'm trying to be
can't tell when things went south, yeah
my life is collapsing all around me
these words spew out of your ******* mouth
you call this true love, another lie
weren't you the one saying you'd leave?
now i'm only one left, asking why
people must suffer before they finally die.

i think that maybe, just maybe,
the loneliness will **** the life in me
that one day i'll realise that life has nothing left in store for me
staring down the bottle of liquor
the sting of liquid courage, it feels so bitter
removing the painful memories, the forbidden knowledge
i'm thriving, i'm lying
deep down, i'm dying
and i'll wake up and see
there's no reason left for living
i'll spend my last days alone
waiting for your words
so i can validate my worth
for a devotion that doesn't exist
for someone i deeply miss
but i know it will never come.
i'd think it's almost a stranger speaking
estranged, deranged, yet life remains unchanged
you are a shadow of who you once were
i think i'm waiting on something that was never meant to be
this frugal honesty truly hurts me,
a fleeting feeling, i can't understand this.

i think i'm hurt
time and time again
i fall in love with someone i can't have
i fall in love with you over and over again
even if you break my heart
and keep it trapped in your cage
i'll let you hurt me
and pretend that you like me back somehow
even though i don't deserve it
i want you to like me back too
the same way you like talking to me
and in the same way i like talking to you
i love you so much
it hurts that we are not together
and it hurts that you don't seem to feel the same
i wish you do
i wish that you liked me back
or i wish i didn't feel this way
every time you turn to face my way
i feel like im in love again
im smiling and happy
but when you leave
everything turns dark and grey
i hope you don't leave forever
please stay by my side
even if you don't love me the same
let me love you until the day i die

you're better off without me.
why won't you leave me?
why did you leave me?
simple questions you can't answer
reveal the lies between your teeth
the truth peering through these gaps
glaringly obvious to my familiar gaze
don't you tire, from this endless game of lying?

goodness, goodwill,
it's all apart of god's will.
live, love,
loving thyself, should be enough.
sometimes, it doesn't feel like it's enough,
but i brush those thoughts aside,
like discarded pen knives,
the sting of the thinking still brings a sense of melancholy
i think i think too much for my little head
so i must say,
i must say-
goodbye!

skin against skin
scraping the barrel
blade against flesh
releasing the insides
warmth fills my bones
and so does the jelly fat
it hobbles around silly
a reminder of what i've done.

innate desire compels us to move forward
to strive, to end our slumber
to create something new, something greater
in a merry fashion, we follow
and steadily, we go, towards the light.