Wolves sniff out their prey, and I here I lay.
Weak and vulnerable
Cuts from the past leaving the scent,
Leading them this way.
A bullseye on my back marking me as an easy target,
Practically begging to be hit.
And I fall for the same traps time after time,
Even though every day I pray to be given something other than a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Maybe deep down I enjoy the pain,
Punishing myself for something I didn’t do.
Or finding assurance in being put in place.
Every new attack leaves me more and more unstable on my feet
Until one day I can no longer stand,
I’m nothing more than a meal, prey, and weak.
A lamb on It’s own.

You begin to like the water over your head
The pressure holding you down
Pushing you further and further down to the ground
The water flooding your head, your lungs, weighing down your body so you can't move,
But you like it
You like knowing that it's easier to feel nothing than anything at all
Thoughts of just staying and drowning in it all.
There's a certain kind of comfort that comes with it,
The sweet relief of giving in
To stop fighting the pull of the tide
The cold water numbing your every sense
Knowing the ocean will take you when no one else will
The waves lulling you into a state of almost calm
drifting you away from caring about it all
The salt leaving you bitter but bitter keeps you from being let down again
Time
After time
After time
Drowning sounds nice

(TW Eating Disorders)
I wrap a corset tight around my waist till I cannot breathe
Ribbons in the air catch my eye
They cinch tighter and tighter
But not tight enough
My mirror reflects a pig with fabric barely fitting around
“More” I demand
And so they wrap
And wrap
reaching not only my stomach but to my arms and legs
My head light and eyes sunken in
The colorful streams leaving marks and pushing down
I look in the mirror and cry
“Will it ever be enough?”
My bones pop and my mind gets fuzzy
Concerned looks from family and a few talks as well
They say they’re concerned for my health
They ask me if I'm eating
(Sometimes I do, or it ends up coming up and out of my throat)
Colorful ribbons dance around my head
Leaving white spots twirling in front of my eyes like delicate ballerinas with each pirouette a throb in my head
The world spins and my head vibrates
My stomach growls
I ache and crack
but I'm skinny
and that's all that matters

Take me into your arms, I melt with bliss
Your touch burns my skin and my cheeks pink from the heat
My heart now cherry wine
My insides warm and liquid
Your kisses leave me drunk staggering for more
I’m addicted to your love that leaves me in deep withdrawals
Intoxicated from your hands, my heart flutters, nearly stopping
Your words fill my head with sweet nothings till I’m drowning in Vin Santo
Make me feel lighter and lighter till I can’t stand
My entire body a pulse
Your hands dripping down my sides and pooling at my hips
You've made me an alcoholic

To be honest we never really had a chance

I blame our teachers for showing us videos of people jumping out of the Twin Towers before we could properly write

We were in constant fear of school shooters before we even had a grasp of the mere idea of death

The rosy outlook on life we once had was now replaced with paranoia and panic

As we grew older our self-esteem regressed with unrealistic expectations
set by twenty-year-olds playing teens

And models photoshopping their faces and waists

We looked in mirrors dissecting our insecurities like some science project

We carved and starved until our faces sunk and ribs popped

We went from getting our accomplishments placed on the fridge

To putting our last words and goodbyes on the bathroom doors while

our was skin decorated with cuts, deep like rivers seeping red water

The bottle of Tylenol slowly destroying us from inside out while we wait for release

We’re bashed for being a lazy and tech-addicted generation when in reality we’re just
so
so
so tired

Tired of being here, tired of being set up for a life with no point

Dead end office job after dead end office job
Broken marriages mirroring our parents’

And yet another broken generation of kids doomed from the start

My bones are brittle and hollow

Delicate like stained glass in an empty church

The wind blows through me yet my soul feels heavy

I wander through my halls, a ghost with no purpose

My cries an echo in the wind but cradled by my insecurities
and coddled by my fears

An imposter smile forever etched onto my skin like a porcelain doll with a painted grin

But for now, I’ll find comfort in the dark, cocooning myself in
dangerous,
yet sweet thoughts of release

I now lie in my bed, my head in a melancholy state

A corpse of a girl

Gone