Thoughts of summer occupy my mind while I watch the bleak gray sky and flurries of snow

False memories fill my brain of better times that didn’t exist


A warm sun and fields of flowers shadow days of silence and lonesomeness


Bluewater from crystal pools gently lap and wash away bad memories of fleeting friendships,

and the desperation of trying to keep a few of them to stay.

I always think I’ll be better in the summer


I suppose I’ll never be fully content no matter the season.

But in the meantime, I’ll keep myself busy with dreams of unrealistic nights inspired by movies

And worry that I’m wasting the few good years I have sitting at home alone;

Writing these poems.

All those nights wasted, pouring the contents of my heart onto my pillow
Only to do it again time after time.
Throwing myself in deeper and deeper to fill something that isn’t there,
until one day I can’t pull myself back out, gone is the rope to guide me
I try to fix it, only to tear myself down in exchange for validation
My entire being now clay, I am only as good as you want me to be
Take me into your hands and mold me into your image
Let me lose myself in you, maybe then you’ll love me
Maybe then you’ll see me an equal
The things I do to be wanted
Break me down, step on me, and then sweep the remains under the rug
I won’t object nor complain
Your attention is worth more than I’ll ever be
Tell me those three overused words and I’m utterly yours
Try to replace a love that I’ll never know
Try to patch me up with caulk and cement till I’m too heavy to stand
Build me up then tear me down, you know I like it that way
Mold me into your fragile sculpture ready to collapse without your support
Smooth my edges from previous projects and add more to how you see fit
Then once you’re bored, toss me away
Leaving me scrambling to find a shape
Replace me with another project you think is worth your time