I am still here
I am not going away
I am here to stay
I will make it someday

watching the numbers tick by on the clock
contemplating existence and its imminent end
never thought i'd see those numbers again
maybe I should take a walk around the block
scream to the sky, where no one can mock

it's different this time, in the dead of night
my eyes grow dim and hazy, dizzy in the head
wishing he weren't here, and I were in bed
but there is no sun here, no stars, no light
I've barely the strength to fight my own fight

something in me is broken, a crack in the shell
maybe this is the last time those numbers drift by
and i'll find peace where i'm headed after I die
for here, i've found myself in a personal hell
wondering how the devil knew me so well

life throws out woes
to catch if you can
Catch, why catch a woe?
because dropping it means
you can't handle the throw

Never had a good way to express my emotions,
nor a safe way, nor an efficient way.
Even this pen in my hand is a dangerous thing
with just the right tip to be able to hurt me
as I think of turning my only savior into enemy.

But instead I use it correctly, use it as a go-between,
writing the words I still can't say to this day
Help me, please help me, and don't leave me.
my soft whispered mantra, as loud as a scream.

Things are changing, that much is always true,
but I am so terrified of losing you, of losing myself,
of losing this seemingly so fragile peace.

I'm trying to do what I know is right,
but reminiscing calls forth fight or flight