At some point
Living with and trying to get over
Depression
Is a lesson in
The sunk cost fallacy

You think about
A day where you don't have to
Wake up
And deal with everything
The world could just stop

But you don't
And you wake up again with
Perhaps
More scars and more bad days
As the price you pay

And you get
To the next day and the next
Until
One day it seems like
If you were going to do anything
Rash
To avoid the scars and pain and bad days
You should have done it
Long ago

So now you just
Keep waking up
Everyday
Whether or not it's good or bad
Because of the sunk cost

It's not worth it now
Cuz it should've happened way back then
To avoid what's come since

So you keep on going

It's called living
With depression

Going off my meds
Canceling counseling
Avoiding friends
Burning blood in my veins and foggy head
Confusion. Lost my train of thought again

I miss my river, the bridge, the lights
Somewhere to go on these horrible nights
Miss having some options
Miss knowing I could
Miss having the people I stayed for
Like i promised i would

From here i can hear the train
Seems worse than water but somehow stronger; like Anna K anyway
But it's loud where the river was quiet
And i would never have courage to try it

Did you know I saw a razor blade
In the grass on my walk home today

And it made me stop mid-stride
Imagining what it would feel like
on the inside of my arm

Did you know, when I saw that story about
the pedestrian, the thought that went
through my head

That it could've been me instead
And I wouldn't much mind being dead

Did you know I would be the one
to flame out

There's no purpose in work and life
Nothing to care about

Did you know that after six months
apart and away

I still cry over our friendship,
our loss, nearly every day

Impulsivity is a matter of perspective

I've thought about telling him
For a year

I've thought about quiet after life
Just as long

Is it impulsive
When you've thought it
But reservation demands inaction

When you finally shout
When the time finally comes
They all say what have you done
Think it through, hold your tongue

I did
For so long
The time had come
And now that I've blown us up
I think i'm done