Impulsivity is a matter of perspective

I've thought about telling him
For a year

I've thought about quiet after life
Just as long

Is it impulsive
When you've thought it
But reservation demands inaction

When you finally shout
When the time finally comes
They all say what have you done
Think it through, hold your tongue

I did
For so long
The time had come
And now that I've blown us up
I think i'm done

Did you know I saw a razor blade
In the grass on my walk home today

And it made me stop mid-stride
Imagining what it would feel like
on the inside of my arm

Did you know, when I saw that story about
the pedestrian, the thought that went
through my head

That it could've been me instead
And I wouldn't much mind being dead

Did you know I would be the one
to flame out

There's no purpose in work and life
Nothing to care about

Did you know that after six months
apart and away

I still cry over our friendship,
our loss, nearly every day

I was rooting for her to succeed
But in the end there was recovery
What does that say about me

Lately I've been thinking it
Longing to see him throughout the day
Looking for a text
Learning who he is
Listening to his voice

Living each day wondering how he
Lifts my spirits
Lightens my mood and
Leaves me better than I was

Lately I've been thinking it
Leading myself toward saying it but
Lingering in these early moments
Longing for him to be thinking it too
Lest I say it too soon

At some point
Living with and trying to get over
Depression
Is a lesson in
The sunk cost fallacy

You think about
A day where you don't have to
Wake up
And deal with everything
The world could just stop

But you don't
And you wake up again with
Perhaps
More scars and more bad days
As the price you pay

And you get
To the next day and the next
Until
One day it seems like
If you were going to do anything
Rash
To avoid the scars and pain and bad days
You should have done it
Long ago

So now you just
Keep waking up
Everyday
Whether or not it's good or bad
Because of the sunk cost

It's not worth it now
Cuz it should've happened way back then
To avoid what's come since

So you keep on going

It's called living
With depression

Everything that makes the world
Seem quieter for a moment
Makes me happier for better or worse

He makes me safe, keeps me warm
His world and mine, keep out the storms

A little beat, a lyric rhymed
Blocks out the sound, for just a time

A blanket of white, over the ground
I cant explain the peace
Of the muted sounds

A bit of poison
A lot I guess
Blocks out
The rest

Have you ever screamed,
At least in your head,
At characters in a book?

You knew they were being stupid
That a conversation could fix it
That the drag on wasn't necessary

Have you ever screamed
At characters in a book?
And then realized you were just as bad?

If your life were a book
Would you scream at you too?
What would you do?

Because as much as I've always wanted
To be in one of my stories
Now that I am I can't believe
I thought my life was boring