I am
a staged house
meant to seem perfect for you
a turtle, shelled
wondering if the dark inside is normal
a locked box
with secrets inside, undisclosed
an echo
no longer what it once was
a nightmare
pretending to be a nice dream

i will never be someone else
but the self i am can grow
and change and rearrange
til there's something new to show

each day i go somewhere new
but the path home is lined with light
as my mind and body travel by day
then rush back home by night

somehow new tales unfold
the good, the bad, the rote
from the happenings of passing time
chapter by chapter we stay afloat

someone else, somewhere else
may somehow disagree
but somewhen else, i will be
the best that i can be

i miss you. more than i thought i would
i miss how you watch without staring,
how you help without overbearing.

i miss how you hide around others but not me,
how you always have my back without touching

i miss how your eyes show emotion
when i can bring myself to look,
how you seem to read me like an open book

i miss the walks to and from,
the way you always ask if i had fun

i miss your sarcasm and wit,
how we don't want to split
as the night comes to an end

trust me, my friend, i miss you
and i can't wait to see you again.

watching the numbers tick by on the clock
contemplating existence and its imminent end
never thought i'd see those numbers again
maybe I should take a walk around the block
scream to the sky, where no one can mock

it's different this time, in the dead of night
my eyes grow dim and hazy, dizzy in the head
wishing he weren't here, and I were in bed
but there is no sun here, no stars, no light
I've barely the strength to fight my own fight

something in me is broken, a crack in the shell
maybe this is the last time those numbers drift by
and i'll find peace where i'm headed after I die
for here, i've found myself in a personal hell
wondering how the devil knew me so well

The ellipses I use at the end of phrases
hold the world of my thoughts unsaid
in those three little dots my life goes unread
but what if I said all those words instead?

"If I could be invisible for a day, I'd stand on
top of a building and watch the world go by..."
before taking the final step and saying goodbye

"I really can't right now..."
I'm lying in bed and my mind won't allow
me to get up, but I'll see you around

"Nothing new lately..."
nothing really at all, too numb to care
too numb for life, too numb to share

"I'm better at answering questions than telling..."
so please notice something is wrong
I've been holding it in far too long

"I get what you're saying..."
but somehow I don't believe you
when you say life is worth seeing through

"Yeah..."
I love you, I miss you, I need help, I tried.
I'm sorry, I'm broken, I'm stupid, I'm blind.

I wish that this helped, but it didn't this time
but everything is fine...

tangled in the sheets still half asleep
sun peeking in on this moment of peace
warmth fills the room and a tentative smile
reflects that the actions of night were worthwhile

maybe it's nature or maybe it's fate
the acceptance and love I see on your face
a movie, a kiss, then we laid down like this
and just fell asleep to wake up in bliss

we may have a different kind of love
but the sun in the sky doesn't judge
and in the privacy of home and heart
golden acceptance is a wondrous start

take my hand and i'll take yours
down every path, we'll open doors
dark and light, wrong or right
we will make it through the night

don't look down, the rope is thin
pray there's not a gust of wind
joy and pain, sun and rain
our lives burning like flames

the hill is steep and so's the price
but if we make it up in time
you and I, today and forever
can make it through any weather