So what if I love him
That doesn't mean my life is over

I just have to find some way
To get closure

Sometime i wonder what's healthier
How to cope best

People stand aghast at my oldest method
Thinking anything is better instead

But in the long run
A little cut won't **** me

But drinking night after night
A dependency that's crept up on me
Is harder to fight

Which will **** me faster?
Which can i handle and master?
Before my life turns to disaster

Something doesn't feel right
And I wonder if I have time

Impulsivity is a matter of perspective

I've thought about telling him
For a year

I've thought about quiet after life
Just as long

Is it impulsive
When you've thought it
But reservation demands inaction

When you finally shout
When the time finally comes
They all say what have you done
Think it through, hold your tongue

I did
For so long
The time had come
And now that I've blown us up
I think i'm done

Did you know I saw a razor blade
In the grass on my walk home today

And it made me stop mid-stride
Imagining what it would feel like
on the inside of my arm

Did you know, when I saw that story about
the pedestrian, the thought that went
through my head

That it could've been me instead
And I wouldn't much mind being dead

Did you know I would be the one
to flame out

There's no purpose in work and life
Nothing to care about

Did you know that after six months
apart and away

I still cry over our friendship,
our loss, nearly every day

I was rooting for her to succeed
But in the end there was recovery
What does that say about me

Lately I've been thinking it
Longing to see him throughout the day
Looking for a text
Learning who he is
Listening to his voice

Living each day wondering how he
Lifts my spirits
Lightens my mood and
Leaves me better than I was

Lately I've been thinking it
Leading myself toward saying it but
Lingering in these early moments
Longing for him to be thinking it too
Lest I say it too soon