Sometimes I simply can't breathe
Or that's what it feels like to me

And he's not here anymore to point out
That if I can talk to him I'm breathing
That the loud noise in my ears is the air
Rushing in and punching out

He's not here anymore to remind me
It's my mind playing tricks and
Perception is key and its
Just my anxiety

I need to shower.
I need to brush my teeth.
I need to clean my suits.
I need to try.

For so long I stayed undiagnosed
Because it didnt affect my daily life

But without even realizing i was
Taking a turn i got worse than even those times i was seeing someone every week
Just to feel alive

Feeling nothing was dangerous
And he saw that in me
And made it his job to poke
And **** and evoke
Any feeling

For the record
I didn't know we were keeping
I always loved you

And for the record
I didn't know we were keeping
If I hurt you
You hurt me too

And for the record
I didn't know we were keeping
You may have hated my mind
But I hated you

Because I loved you
But I couldn't say a thing
Because you loved her
And you and I were
Something

I think love may be finding that perfect little thing to show someone you've been listening
and that you were thinking of them

And if that's love
I hope one day
I stop finding
those perfect
little things
for him

It doesn't matter if I'm enough
It doesn't matter I don't see you enough
It doesn't matter if I've had enough
Getting to the next day
Is enough

Too bad un oeuf costs so much today
And I don't have enough to give
Or care enough to convince myself
Enough is worth the pain of
Getting through today

i need them more than they need me
I text first and often repeatedly

I share about my day, my thoughts,
My dreams
Or more like my nightmares

And all they do is push like. Push heart.
Push haha. Push !!

No words. No outreach.
No more friendship
No more
No