It had been eleven years .
Eleven years since I last saw her.
Her constant incarcerations had me living with my grandmother for the first seven years of my existence.
I remember the nights, years ago, when she would wake me up late and talk with her favorite son.
I remember when she would steal money from us and disappear for months.
The yelling, the violence.
I remember it all.
I remember never having a father.
I know no names, no face, and I don't worry about it anyway.
My grandmother died, and my mother was not there.
Foster care pulled me into it's corrupt embrace, and for eleven years my life knew no stability.
Growing up with no parents, authority figures being those I lived with for a few days at a time.
I grew bitter, resentful, vindictive...
But a mother is a mother...
I saw her recently. I requested it. I put aside all hatred that had grown for her, and I wished to once more see the woman who had given to me the stain of life.
I looked back at the good times, however few there were.
I met with her, and she cried.
All she could say was "I love you"
Then she disappeared the next day.
She died later that month.
Her last words to me were "Oh, honey..."
Goodbye mother. I never got the chance to say that to you.
I hope that one day, I can love you too.

She is slim, fifteen and beautiful.  
Sharp blue eyes that miss nothing, and hold onto everything.
Dark blonde hair resting softly on the shoulders that bear the weight of the world around them.
We sit across from each other and reminisce.
As her eyes meet mine, they whisper some kind of plea, but I cannot hear.
What can I do but continue to smile? Continue to hold her soft hands in mine?
In a moment of strength, I attempt another word, and her fragile glass exterior shatters under the weight of the pain she had harbored all those years.
So falls her veil.
Her body heaves with sobs, and fear lines her incomprehensible sentences.
For one last, brief moment, our eyes meet again, and they are screaming at me, but I cannot hear.
She falls back into her chair, slumps to the left and onto the floor. She dies silently.
She is lying on white linoleum, and those beautiful eyes bleed tears.
The burdens fall from those weakened shoulders, and her penultimate sighs carry softly to my ears.
And she is beautiful.
A beautiful tragedy.
From the ground she arose, where the tranquil winds sought her for the ascension of life into another place, I know not where.
She died beautiful, and part of me died with her.

Every day that I cried
No one paid any heed
No one saw my tears dried
No one cared to my need

This abyss has me bled
Drier than desert sand
And my mouth is not fed
Nor do any lend hand

So imprisoned inside
In this sweltering heat
So much pain that I find
I am knocked from my feet

So to all a farewell
As I've already said
You can all burn in hell
'Cause this poet is dead

Together in relative harmony we stand, unarmed and more powerful than any weapon.
Here we are grounded, dismissing the cries of discrimination.
Torn apart, yet we’re still standing as one, even though this barrage of open hatred scars our hearts.
Shining through the darkest days, and finding solace in the fires of inhumanity.
Huddled as though to escape cold souls, whose poison is potent enough to blister not only our ears, but our spirits as well.
It is in this closeness that we find refuge from the beckoning reality.
Desperate minds, lost in the confusion of our segregation.
With the words of the evil resounding in our heads, and the hands of the hungry around us, we will rely on our fortitude and move on toward a brighter horizon.
With our eyes set upon a future of unity, and our hands raised in a salute to peace, we will unveil solidarity and the strength of our voices will ring from every mountainside.

With a moan and a sigh
He fell to the floor
Then the old man proceeded to laugh

"I'm alone as I die,
woman, tell me no more"
Were the words of this mans epitaph

He writes a different picture
She colors in her stories

Vivid images stilled on paper, as though caught in their final acts.
Framed by wild imagination and voiced through the knowledge of language.

But beauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder...
...and their eyes are shrouded in a veil of darkness.

Minds burning steadily like the dying embers of a once all consuming inferno.
Smiles on the outside, but busy hands betray their soothing facade.
Demons in the skins of angels, doomed to the forlorn world of shadows and wallflowers.

She drew the blade across
And witnessed the blood fall
She tipped the bottle back
And tried to end it all

She swallowed pride with pills
To drown out all the pain
She knew that she could die
She knew she was insane

With poison in her head
She thought of only this
The world is better off
If I do not exist

And with her final breath
She bade the world farewell
She closed her bloodshot eyes
And into death she fell

Her small and fragile form
Her pale and saddened face
She welcomed deaths one gift
It's dark and cold embrace

One lonely standing cedar
A symbol of our past
The campfire is our heater
It warms us rather fast
Our future? Indecision
Our present? All that matters
We aim without precision
The glass between us shatters
Shards represent denial
Scattered and strewn about
We walked the remaining mile
With worries, or without
Every time I find
Or notice my reflection
I see my broken mind
Bereft of young complexion
My eyes are tired and sad
My lips are cracked and dry
I think of what we had
And now I say goodbye

A fall into obscurity...
From so whole to ethereal...
From flesh to forgotten...
Tossed away as though existence was meaningless...
As if achievements were noted, only to be subsequently ignored...
From vibrancy to a dull, pale gray...
From an assertive stance to surrendering, submissive...
From so full of energy, to being bereaved of all motion...
From braced to vulnerable...
From down to earth, to celestial...
Please, remember me.
I wish never to be forgotten.
I wish to remain as notable in death as I am now.
May I leave my mark...

I love you more than anything.
But this road you have chosen to walk...
...I cannot follow.
I cannot be the one who stands at your side.
I cannot be the mediator between you and whatever choices you may make throughout your journey.
I will not be pulled into that world for I know what it takes to get out, and I no longer have the strength.
I told you I would be with you through every hard walk, but my last adventure into darkness left blisters on my mind and the soles of my feet.
I am not afraid to tell you that this path must be walked alone.
Hate me for it, but if you make it through, you will understand.

The warmth of her presence
The taste of her skin
A moment of pleasure
Inspired by sin
A goddess, an angel
From somewhere above
A feeling so pure
Yet we just call it "love"

So, I guess that I'm grounded
Wonder what that entails
Just don't act all dumbfounded
When your punishment fails
Take away my car keys
Okay, see if I care
It's funny you see...
Because you made me a spare
Tell me to stay inside?
Ha, like that'll stop me
With my screen opened wide
Out my window, I'm free
Ground me all that you want
You can't faze me, so stop
Oh no, no wait please mom!
Don't take my laptop!

Maybe I let her know
Maybe she cares
Maybe I let her go
Maybe I dare
Maybe she falls behind
Maybe I wait
Maybe she can't unwind
Maybe there's hate
Maybe underneath her intimidating exterior there is a silent nervousness
Maybe there is longing just beyond our reach
Maybe she is bound by pride, unwilling to believe that there is more, or...
...maybe I am wrong.

Here I stand, framed against a wall of tragedy, unhindered by it's horror.
I am only one among many before me.
Here we stand, altered by time and weathered by our choices.
We are the light in the dark that no one can see.
We are taking our final breaths and falling further into the dreams from which we were conceived.
We are descending into our own void, folding in on each other.
We are eternally trapped in our own freedom, imprisoned in our expressions.
We are drowning in an infinite hourglass.

I never thought I'd lay my hands
Upon you in such violence
Across your face five bright red bands
Eyes locked in chilling silence
A tear betrays your angry face
You're scared to death, I know it
I guess this is my fall from grace
As now my shame would show it
Now as I apologize
You only hear me barely
I hope that you can recognize
I mean it so sincerely
I'll hate myself for years to come
My inner light shines dimly
I never thought that I'd succumb
To darkness deep within me
These demons claw from inside out
I can't face them alone
And darling if you leave me now
I fear their strength may grow
My seams they burst and to my knees
I fall and now I'm pleading
Help me fight fight these enemies
Don't leave me here just bleeding

The love of my life
The wall for my back
A girl plagued by strife
Who couldn't react
In a healthy way
So she'd hold out her hand
Grip tightly the blade
Cut till she saw bands
Of red flowing down
and onto the floor
Her lips in a frown
She cut skin some more

We met on a beach
The waves splashing in
We talked and agreed
To meet there again

I saw her at school
With bruises on her cheek
Her dad was a fool
Their fights left her weak
I would always call
But she wouldn't respond
It wasn't 'till fall
I'd find out that she'd gone

And there dressed in black
Her family stood
She lay on her back
In a coffin of wood

On red velvet lining
They laid her to rest
And I was still crying
My face was a mess

I clearly recall
The last words she did say
"If I ever fall
You should catch me, okay?"

Is it a step in the right direction
When you're always left behind
When you can't establish a connection
Between reality and your life
When your feet are planted firmly
Upon unstable ground
When your voice is never heard
So you never make a sound
When your nerves are battered numb
So you cannot feel a thing
When the person you've become
Isn't who you want to be
When the only thing remaining
Is the need to end it all
And the only thing your gaining
Is the worry that you'll fall
When you pray to god for answers
Believing in the sky
But religion is a cancer
You're believing in a lie

So dark I've become
And so dismal are they
Now the place that they're from
Only barely remains

Only pockets survive
Yet they still dwell on greed
The only ones who will thrive
Satisfy their own needs

They forget to remember
What their unity did
And instead turn to embers
Of the fires within

In the dark there is light
But they've left it behind
Or they've lost all their sight
Because their hate left them blind

As my existence fades
And comes to a halt
My core will degrade
Light locked in a vault

I remember the times
As I hovered above
And remember the shine
Of a thing they called love

"Where the **** did you go?
Answer me now!
Why the **** don't I know?
Get in the house!
Wipe that look off your face!
Don't you dare ******* smile!
You're a ******* disgrace!
Can't believe you're my child!

Now I'll make it ALL right.
Go lay down on my bed.
Don't you put up a fight!
Or you might end up dead"

"Daddy loves you"
"I love you"
"I love you"
he said

So she put up a fight
Because she'd rather be dead.



(This all happened to a good friend of mine. She asked me to capture these memories in a poem, so I did)

My valentine
Do you remember
When we were blind
So young and tender?
Softened by
The cold December
Our love so warm
Like dying embers