Accepting that time Forced me to move on Accepting that life Had finally gave me a break
A break from pain And misery And heartache
I thought I was better
Being able to speak your name The small uncontrollable smile That always crosses my lips Warming my heart Being able to remember our time with fondness
But as soft as you memory is to me The razor edges cut deep The longing for your ghost To not be a ghost anymore
Is this my curse Forever longing one That settled for those that punish him Despite knowing what love really is?
Either come or go, but staying in limbo is not helping either soul in lifetimes like these Yin.
Accepting that time Forced me to move on Accepting that life Had finally gave me a break
A break from pain And misery And heartache
I thought I was better
Being able to speak your name The small uncontrollable smile That always crosses my lips Warming my heart Being able to remember our time with fondness
But as soft as you memory is to me The razor edges cut deep The longing for your ghost To not be a ghost anymore
Is this my curse Forever longing one That settled for those that punish him Despite knowing what love really is?
Either come or go, but staying in limbo is not helping either soul in lifetimes like these.
Your touch The sweet way your hands ran across my skin The taste of your lips upon my neck The warmth you fueled in me A feeling I only read A feeling I did not trust for so long A feeling I wanted to share with you Your fingers mapping out my body my curves feeling every secret I held dear Your desire to see more To feel my body around yours But yet for every interaction despite the warmth the fire the trust you always found a wrong at least one thing I should change about myself one thing to change to be yours
And yet after all this time I just want to feel again even if you make me cold in the morning when your absent Even when I can't have the family I long for Even when I know its wrong
I just want to feel wanted even for a hour just once more to remind me I can still do something good
When life leaves you with nothing, is there anything left to sell when you have nothing left?
I hear them And I think of you I see them And hear your voice I find them more After knowing you A simple thing A seirn, and light Makes tears ***** my eyes Not for where they go But for who rides in them Understanding the pain That comes with a badge Or shield The tarnished vision That society has now created And the lives effected Over selfish acts of violence
I hear them I see them And I think of you Maybe one day I will be able to hold you Ease your pain through the night Release the tension you hold But for now I sit Swallowing my sobs And move on Like my heart didn't just shatter In a million pieces
To dream of what if To think of a life That never happened To live experiences That will never pass Become a fascination of some A balance of time and life
Some use it to escape Others use it to grow Me I use it to think To think of him Of them What my life could have been If I had just Said Yes.
Because I can't control my past Because I can't stop my spirals Because everyone has left me Because people are scarred of me Because inside I am a total mess Because I barely hold myself together Because I constantly am reminded of what happened Because I was told I have to high standards Because every guy used me Because I don't know how to control myself "Anxiety"
"What is your greatest fear?" "Having this heartache feeling forever" "Oh, ok" "What about you, what do you fear?" "You really want to know?" "Yeah, what keeps you up at night?"
Could you love me Could you accept all of my baggage Could you accept my trauma Could you accept my genetics are worst then before
I don't know if you even exist or if your just a name in my past but could you love me entirely like I would love you? Flaws and all till this life ends?
We used to be so close I used to call you a friend A friend I never met I trusted you with my heart And we made time for each other
Now we don't talk unless I speak first I send messages you never reply too When I express why I'm hurt you fix it for a day before leaving me alone once more
Now I hope you can find time to talk with me I hope that I am not an inconvenience to you I hope that you still care about me
Yet when you've had a bad day I stop what I am doing I let you rant on about how bad work is and when I tell you what's going on I feel hopeful that I do matter to someone somewhere.
but then the silence comes once more Showing no one does care leaving me in the place
where I hope you find the time that I make for you
I sit at night writing in ink hoping it lasts the test of time Quill and ink every drop a purpose intended The only place I feel free Free to look at myself and question thoughts in my head but is this freedom really free When no one sees the words I write?
The concept simple The reality much different It was suppose to be a new start A new chapter of invention A new road being paved But the chains still hold the obligation of blood The concept of staying
I shouldn't be bitter I shouldn't be upset "Enjoy the time you have" but when its holding me back is it still worth it?
Many know me I'm there at a drop of the hat Yet When I need one There is no one My phone is silent And I sit alone Hoping for something But nothing will change And I am forever alone
In a crowded room So many eyes scan Each a mind, and a life But yet they do nothing For the one creating glass tears Silent they look away Hoping they do not stay
Golden Feather so light and pure your light casts away the darkness simple yet strong innocent in war perfect and flawed both the truth simple and powerful burn bright Golden Feather and keep the monsters away Tonight
A day of celebration When one walks across the stage and grabs a piece of paper
However, when faced with the same situation I realize I am not the woman people expect instead, I am a scared little girl living in fear and hiding in my room
Once again counting days till I move while living a hell and putting on a pretty face, so no one speculates
Once more, I sit numb to lifes situations scarred of the unknown and hiding to prevent fights