Does the wolf apologize?
Do they apologize for the blood on their fangs
Or for protecting their young
Must they apologize to those who get too close
Do they apologize for being a wolf?
Must they be punished for the actions of others
Must the be tortured by hunters
Will they extinct?
A wolf is loud and strong.
They don't back down to prey.
Even when the hunter is against them
A wolf is alone but beautiful when they run
But every beauty has a dark side
A wolf has fangs and claws
That become ****** when they ****
Yet the respect natures law
Unlike the prey who is ravenous to the woods
The wolf hunts when hungry
But respects the hunter when they hunt
And still gets caught and killed for a sport
Their prey feeds off their bodies like a leach
So, where does that leave the wolf?
Must they be punished for a living?
Must they be held responsible for the hunter?
Must the bow down to the prey to survive?
A wolf is a wolf for a reason
Kind heart when close
A cold-blooded killer, when pushed
Must the wolf apologize
just to survive?

Funny
how one can be surrounded
and yet feel so alone

empty
when the voices in your head
just stop filling the silence

Misplaced
in understanding
what it is I should be doing

Unknown
when this confusion
will finally end

Demon of death
Demon of heartache
Demon of pain
Demon of loss

You follow me everywhere
Standing right out of sight
Mimicking my every step
Watching, waiting

Your small actions
Cause major repercussions
So if you come for me
Make it swift and sweet then

A simple life
A life full of joy
But sadly that in not one
to be uptrained

The flashes
The downhill spirals
The constant fights
The constant pain

Why am I different
Can I be normal
just for one day???



"Your different like me? You understand what its like to be, different?"

"What is your greatest fear?"
   "Having this heartache feeling forever"
"Oh, ok"
   "What about you, what do you fear?"
"You really want to know?"
   "Yeah, what keeps you up at night?"

"Being alone"

I could feel your hands
They way they held me close
Your soft voice
Whispering in my ear
I turned to look at you
But the empty bed
Told me it was only a dream I had

Your voice whispers in my ear
The memories we made fill my mind
The promises we made make me smile

But I stand alone
My heart was both soaring and breaking
A life that will never be

A promise to be different
A feeling I didn't know I missed
A life that I dream of

Tears shed for a name.
A voice
A person

I miss you more than ever.
And even though you'll never read this
I still love you...

Though my heart wants to scream a thousand words
My body wants to run from the thought of you
I still love you, Ghostie

Don't let them see the tears
Bite the lip
change the emotional to physical
Perhaps the taste of blood
might shock my system awake
or pull it further down

Just one more moment
Keep your eyes down
just incase the form
maybe no one will notice

maybe no one will notice you
and the pain you carry
when you walk through the building

Hide it with a smile
a tilt of the head
get them away
from the broken mess
you're about to become

Slowly you'll fade
Slowly I'll skew your memories
Slowly everything will be as it was

Distance between us
Awkward silence when were near
And the knowledge that we are strangers once more

Your creator got her way
but broke two hearts instead of one
So swift, so sweet, so ruthless

Now I will lay my head to sleep
Holding you in my memory
forevermore

until leaves near die
and the sun always shines
I wish you the best

so I kiss my hand
and blow you a kiss
a farewell my little devil

My first kiss
My first friend
My first shoulder to cry on
My first support
My first love

But life is a cruel thing
Taking him so young
Leaving a stone and flag
I cried for years
Our son trying his best to support me
But how can a child help the parent

So much pain
So much fear
And I never wanted to forgive him
He didn't have to leave
He could have stayed
Stayed with us
Watch his son grow

But I guess remembering you
Is better then having you hear
Despite my longing for you
Craving your touch once more
We found happiness in the pain

We still visit you
Still loop you in when something happens
Leave you a seat at events
Like his band concert last fall

I think we're finally finding that happiness again
We can never replace you
Nor do we try
But we are getter better
One day at a time

So caring
So passionate
So perfect

A simple creature
one who will fight and die for her chosen mate
but the one who also rules underneath everyone's nose

A simple woman
Beautiful and cunning
A war-ready atomic bomb

She will hold you so close
yet destroy everything you know
should you ever cross her

A woman who knows what she wants
A woman who will always get what she wants
A woman with fire in her soul

To hear you voice
Makes my heart soar
To see your messages
My mouth form a uncontrollable smile

So why is it easier
To type everything I wish to say
In a unread document
That is buried on a drive
When I am so good with words??

Your dorky smile
Your warm laugh
The feel of you fingertips
Brush against my skin

It's always you I look for
In the nights I'm alone
Longing for a hug
Or the time
Where time stands still in the day

It's always you
It will probably always be you
And I hate it

Leave me alone
Move on
Forget I exist
Just let me be a memory

But I can't do that same
I can't move on
Because I keep looking for you

So even though I hate it
And your name brings up anger
And annoyance that you've become
A topic of conversation

My heart still longs for you
And the moment we shared
Probably forever
Loving yours
Till time do us apart

You beheaded me
stole the life from my body
a simple term
a simple action
so swift
and so brutal

I have one month
One month of finances
one month to live
one month

You knew I was struggling
You knew I was in pain
yet it didn't matter
in your game

So simple
so swift
so brutal
You cut me once more

Everything I close my eyes
I see you looking at me

The spark your eyes had
The small smile you were trying to hide
The warmth you gave off

Evrytime I close my eyes
I see you holding me
Laughing and remarking to yourself
Making me giggle as I felt safe

Everytime I close my eyes
I see you
And me
In the dim light night

Everytime I open my eyes
I want to cry
Because you made me feel something
I forgot was not a imaginary thought of a child
You made me feel comfortable and safe
And not scarred of my past

So I escape to my dreams
Where I can see you again

I sat on the bench
Quitely Watchung
Refusing to partake in the symphony of others

A little girl came and sat next to me
Wild brown auburn hair
Deep rich brown eyes

She sat smiling as she kicked her legs
"It's nice out here today"
Her voice startling me a bit

So pippy, so energetic
I gave a her a half smile
As I pulled my sleeves down

"Yeah I guess it is" I responded as her gaze was preoccupied
"Why do you wear a jacket when it's hot?"
"I get cold easily" Same old lie once more

Her eyes found mine once more something almost familiar about them as a young woman came up

"Mind if I sit, I'm waiting on a friend?"
I moved closer to the young girl as the woman sat

Her brown hair was pulled back in a cap with hints of fire red in it
Her tanned skin showed scars fading on her arms
Maybe she worked outside and got a occasional cut here and there

We sat in silence
Just the three of us
"It's a nice day today" the little girl repeated

The woman smiled as she leaned forward to speak
Her eyes full of warmth and passion
"Aye it is little one. Great day to do the impossible."

"What's impossible?" The girl asked
"Something you never imagined you would do. And it's really scarry."
Before the little girl could respond, she got off the bench and ran off

The woman sat back and chuckled
"Children are always fascinating to talk to, full of wonder and possibilities."
I shrugged as I looked at the ground
"Hey" the woman said making me look at her
Her eyes sharp and stern but her voice calm
"I know that look, been down that road myself a few. Nothing will get better if you choose that road, but you out here means your trying to find that reason. Make it a point to take it one day at a time, and if that's too much then hour by hour or minute by minute. Break it up to find something good every single day."

I looked at the woman shocked
My hand slowly released the razor blade in my pocket
Her gaze moved off of me as I felt tears start to come

"Hhhhow" I managed in a barely audible voice
She gave me a half smile and side glance
"Not hard to know when someone is saying goodbye. We have our own scars, but don't let them become shackles to hold yourself back."

We sat in silence
Just the two of us
"Hey my friends here, but thanks for the converstation. Remember, find one good thing every day, makes the process a whole lot easier."

I watched her walk off
Leaving me alone on the bench
Silently I sat

I gazed up at the tree
Providing just enough shade to sit comfortably
And I smiled
at my one good thing that day

So simple
A promise of hope
A promise of gold
A promise of home

So simple
A promise to inspire
A promise to help
A promise to guide

Was it a promise you made
to break my soul
Was it a promise you made
to leave me confused
Was it a promise you made
to leave me alone

A simple statement
A simple promise

would I still take it
if I knew the misery
it would entail?

You expect everything to be fine
Talking like nothing has happened
Ignoring the main cause of silence

You never asked why
You never asked what happened
You never asked...

You expect me to be cheerful
You expect me to be happy
and hide my true emotions

"Be happy, Be squeaky"
Never once stopping to ask
why I have such tough skin

Funny how life goes
First you go through hell
then you heal

but life is funny
when making someone close
go through something
you thought you healed from

but when the feelings
the fear
rushes back
it makes you wonder
did you ever heal in the first place
or did you burry well enough

funny watching your life
as a outsider
instead of living it

Its funny
how we can take something small
and make it huge

or take ones inncident
and make it our story
skewing to what we wish

oh simple life
so simple to pressure
one way or another

I should be sleeping
I should be laying down
I should be comfy
I should be doing alot of nothing

Instead
As my body started to fade
Into the blissful sleep
I thought of you
I thought of me

I thought about us


Tears poured out my eyes
Sobs gasped from aching chest
Because for a split moment
I saw you
At the end of the aisle


But you weren't standing
As I walked to you
So peaceful you looked
So precious
It looked like you were just taking
A much needed nap

And in this thought that made me fear sleep
I saw you be lowered
And placing your hat upon the casket
Before carefully pouring the dirt
And wishing you a very

Very said goodbye

To see your creation
get denied its life

oh the frustration
of not knowing will happen
of the uncertainty of tomorrow

Oh the terror
my body is in
but I remind myself

this is just another, no
so now
watch me as I do what I want